Death to fusion food!

MANILA, Philippines - What’s the deal with corn nuts? Is it a corn or is it a nut?”

Never has the confusion behind these words been as relevant since they were first uttered on Seinfeld. There are all sorts of hybrid foods — gastronomical mutts that take “fusion food” to another level — popping up everywhere, and it is getting, well, kind of ridiculous.

I don’t think that mixing together existing food is anything new. There’s bread pudding, ice cream cake, cappuccino, humble pie. Okay, just kidding about that last one, but my point remains: mixing food together is not a new thing! And yet.

There has been a crap ton of wannabe chefs and “foodies” who seem intent on smooshing random food words together and calling the anomaly a new invention. I’m no food expert but I’ve tasted a cronut and it was disgusting. I’m aware that the cronut is an actual food invented by a real chef. I’m just saying that it’s not my cup of tea.

The most recent hybrid that I have come across is the Ramen Burger, which is concocted by a ramen bar that prides itself on not serving traditional ramen dishes. As you might have noticed, the ramen bug has bitten practically everyone in Manila, including me, and has infected the populace with its tasty, tasty virus. Anyway, this particular ramen bar is owned by the same guy who runs a Japanese-inspired burger joint, so this idea sort of makes sense. The inventor of the Ramen Burger probably thought, “Ramen? Good. Burger? Good. Ramen Burger? Even better.”

WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?

But where do we really draw the line? Where does a food concoction stop being something to be enjoyed, and start to become a marketing ploy? When will people stop adding Cookie Butter to everything?

(Speaking of Cookie Butter — the food fad that hit the Philippines in the face — why is everyone intent on making everything else taste like Cookie Butter? Trader Joe’s has reportedly been rationing these to a single bottle for each customer because they’ve run out of stock due to the unquenchable Filipino demand. There are even people who make Cookie Butter Cookies! What is the point of grinding up the Speculoos cookies to the point of pleasant spreadability, only to turn them back into cookies? Where is the joy to be found in Cookie Butter if you cannot even eat it by the spoon? News flash, people: it doesn’t need to be a part of everything that you eat.)

I’m definitely not a food purist, and I’m more than prepared to give this Ramen Burger a try. I personally think that a) it’s worth a shot, and b) it fits into the whole concept of both the ramen bar and the burger joint. There are a lot of naysayers, however, claiming that it is just a marketing ploy and that combining both is pushing it too far.

I think the lesson to be learned here is that just because two things sound good, it does not mean that you have to make them have babies. Some things are just, arguably, best left alone. Some things like croissants and donuts, which by the way, sounds exactly like a heart attack waiting to happen, and other things like, I don’t know, fish sticks and custard or something.

A lot of the things that take off in the Philippines clearly run on hype and the strange, inexplicable need to be the first (or sort-of-first) person to try out a new dish or a new place. A lot of people actually feed on the attention (and thrill?) and are actually feeding their curiosity more than their palate.

Don’t get me wrong, though. Some of these concoctions may actually turn out to be pretty tasty. But, don’t buy into the hype just because you want bragging rights for being the FIRST EVAH person upon whose tongue grazed the first bite of a cronut. After all, it’s only a matter of time before everyone else in the country follows suit.

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