Raising strong children in mind and heart
Trigger warning: Mention of suicide
Recently, my heart ached with sadness on reading about a female college athlete who died by suicide after jumping from her school building.
It made me think about how a child can have good grades, a comfortable home and plenty of opportunities—and still quietly struggle, mentally and emotionally.
Today’s youth are growing up in a world that is wonderfully connected yet emotionally overwhelming. Academic pressure, bullying, loneliness and constant comparison on social media can leave young minds struggling to keep up. They are also exposed to adult worries—wars, economic uncertainty and troubling news—long before developing emotional tools to process significant experiences.
The statistics are sobering. The World Health Organization says that globally, suicide remains the third leading cause of death among young people aged 15–29. More than 720,000 people die by suicide each year.
I believe that raising mentally and emotionally strong children does not mean they should never be allowed to cry, fail or feel afraid.
Parents should teach their children that difficult emotions are to be expected and can be faced, understood and shared.
Watch without hovering
Parents cannot protect children from every disappointment. They can, however, stay sufficiently involved to notice when something changes.
Pay attention to persistent withdrawal, unusual irritability, changes in sleep or appetite, falling grades, loss of interest in activities, excessive secrecy or a child who suddenly seems unlike themselves. Knowing where they are, who their friends are and what is happening in their lives is not necessarily an invasion of privacy. Healthy parental monitoring can help protect children from unnecessary risks.
The key is to monitor with trust rather than suspicion.
Make home a safe place
Perhaps the most powerful gift parents can give is the certainty that home is where they can tell the truth and open up about anything.
Ask questions that invite conversation rather than interrogation: How was your day, really? What was the hardest part? Is there anything worrying you that you haven’t told me?
It is important to resist the temptation to immediately solve every problem brought up.
A child who says, “I failed my test,” may first need, “That must feel awful,” before hearing, “Let’s figure out what happened.”
Strong children learn resilience partly because they know they don’t have to face everything alone.
Teach emotional muscles
Children need vocabulary for feelings as much as they need vocabulary for school.
Let them know that anger, sadness, jealousy, disappointment and fear are emotions, not character flaws. Help them learn healthy ways to cope: exercise, sleep, hobbies, friendships, prayer, quiet reflection and asking for help.
Let our children see us apologize when we are wrong, cope with setbacks and admit when we don’t have all the answers. Resilience is learned by watching resilience in action.
And don’t confuse strength with silence. A child who says, “I need help,” may be demonstrating enormous strength.
Protect their hearts, too
In an increasingly digital childhood, boundaries matter. Create technology-free family moments. Know what your kids are watching and who they interact with online. Encourage real-world friendships.
Most importantly, don’t allow achievement to become the measure of a child’s worth.
A report card can say what a child accomplished, not what he or she is worth.
Let love be unmistakable
For families of faith, teach your children that they are created and loved by God. This message becomes especially meaningful when they experience unconditional love at home.
A child should not have to wonder, “Will Mom and Dad still love me if I fail?”
They should know the answer will always be yes.
Teach them to pray, to be grateful, forgiving and caring toward others. Let faith become not another expectation to perform, but a source of belonging, hope and compassion. Remind them that God’s love is not a prize earned by being perfect.
Perhaps the greatest gift we can give is this quiet certainty:
Let your children feel and know that they are loved. That they are not alone. When mistakes happen, encourage them to begin again. And when life becomes too heavy, assure them that they can always come home.
That is how we raise children who grow up strong in mind, heart and faith.
