No Regrets

Chapter 9: Dear Mary

When I was offered a job to do a column for the Philippine STAR, I hesitated because during the time that I did a society column for two newspapers, the defunct The Evening News and the Herald, I had difficulty meeting the deadlines. I had the bad habit of waiting till the last day to write the column, which was a real hassle. The STAR gave me the option to write on any lifestyle topic I wanted, but I didn’t really think I was an expert to write about anything. Finally, the editor suggested I write on etiquette, social graces and fashion. Fine, I could tackle that. To start the articles we had to give the column a name and I came up with "Just Asking." It became an instant success. The people were eager to know and to learn, but from etiquette and fashion it branched out to boyfriend and girlfriend matters, and problems on marriage, religion, medical, school, and homosexuality – you name it. I had to constantly research. I didn’t mind that, because I found the column very rewarding. Some girls and boys who wanted to enter the convent or the seminary would ask me how and where. Priests whom I had never known would also write commending me or helping me answer readers’ questions.

Following are a few examples:

Marrying For Money?

Dear Mrs. Prieto,

After I separated from my husband, I got involved with a married man I’ve learned to love deeply.

But a very sad thing happened. Suddenly he decided to marry someone else because of a petty argument we had. When confronted about his sudden move, I was told he was after the woman’s money. My separation from him was more painful, aggravated by his claim that it was because of money. But life has to go on and I’ve tried real hard to forget him. Exactly two years after, when I was about to start a new relationship, he started phoning me again and visiting me whenever he could excuse himself from his wife. He wants to reconcile with me. He told me he was having problems with his wife’s family. His wife’s wealth (or so he claimed) turned out to be hearsay. In fact, he is the one supporting some of his wife’s relatives. I still love him very much. Should I consider a reconciliation? Please help. – Mahal

A man who practically confesses that he only married his wife for her money, then turns around and courts you again because she’s not wealthy, is not worth the time you spend on thinking about him. He deserves what he is getting, and you deserve someone better. Go on to your new relationship, which I hope is with someone single. Good luck and God bless.

‘Raped’ By A Former Boyfriend?

Dear Mrs. Prieto,

I am married to a wonderful woman who gave me an equally wonderful daughter. We are very fortunate to have this family.

But that is just part of the story. In our first year as a married couple, she confessed that she was "raped" by her former boyfriend. I’m putting the word in quotation marks because I have doubts about her story. The confession hurt me, but I loved her too much to let go.

I tried my very best to treat things as normally as possible, but deep inside was pure anger and hate for my wife’s ex-boyfriend.

Nevertheless, I continued to support her and taught her about forgiveness. Until a year later she "revised" her original story; she told me about every distinguishing detail of how she was abused.

I was confused. Was she telling me the truth this time? Was she making this up?

Although the rage in my heart engulfed my whole being, my love for my wife saved me from further destruction. But I’m afraid for the moment I might encounter my wife’s ex-boyfriend. How shall I deal with this person if that time comes? How do I remove my doubts about the whole thing? Should I tell my wife about my doubts and my anger?

I love this family. Please tell me what to do.

– Mr. Stormy Weather

The only way to deal with this situation is to forgive and forget. You will surely find peace if you do this. You have been blessed with a good marriage and a happy family, so don’t spoil it by doing something you would regret in the end.

Falling In Love With Mannequins

Dear Mary,

I work in a department store and my job is to dress up mannequins in the show window. Sometimes, before the store opens, I am all alone with the mannequins. I have given them names. I talk to them. Then, I dress up the men in women’s underwear and the women in briefs. There is one male mannequin whom I call "Dong" and to whom I tell all my problems. I also think I am attracted to him. You might see these mannequins as cold, heartless beings but I see them as loving creatures who care deeply for me. I feel that these mannequins are my only friends. But I know this is not right even though it makes me happy. What should I do? I need your help. – Mannequin Lover

It’s one thing is to talk to the mannequins, which might be fun, and another thing to get psychologically attracted to them. You must seek real, live people who can reciprocate your feelings and respond to your need for affection. What you are doing is truly unhealthy. Such misplaced emotions can harm you mentally and emotionally. Better yet, seek a psychiatrist’s attention.

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So you see, the column was about everything. After writing it for several years, I had the same problem again, trying to beat the deadline. So I stopped writing until I started my story.

Next Week: The 10 Little Indians... and then there were none

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No part of this autobiography, may be used in any form without permission from Mary H. Prieto and the Philippine STAR.