Why bachelors like Daisies

As a general rule, bachelors in their mid-20s and early 30s who usually prey on lissome lasses are like government bonds as they take more than 10 years to mature. And even upon reaching the universally accepted age bracket for adulthood – which is from somewhere between 25 to 35 years old – fully grown, single men still consider re-investing their fortunes with the same interest as they did a decade before – on the young, the younger the better – much to the poor girls’ misfortunes.

The female magistrate of the Court is puzzled by such discriminating investment strategy among those belonging to this bracket of bachelors whose collective "chick-sense" leaves her wondering if all the blokes in the world share something in common with Col. Sanders whose subtle sexism, ageism and chauvinism manifest in the way he expresses preference for fresh, tender and juicy legs, thighs and breasts.

More than wonder, Honey is perhaps worried that such bachelor tastes have shelved an entire livestock of successful, smart and above-30 women to a giant museum coop labeled: "MOTHER HEN." As a case study, he looks at her fellow attorney who has been very vocal about his partiality for Pretty Young Things since proclaiming himself way back in law school as lead counsel and spokesperson for Filipino bachelors.

In case you haven’t heard, Atty. Argee Guevarra belongs to a breed of puritanical bachelors who exclusively dates babes from the 18-25 age range and who actively promotes his discriminatory dating and mating methodology among members of his species. So skillful is he in his advocacy that his recruits include those whose ages are twice the waistlines of the girls they are going out with.

With this age-defying mindset among males, the Court finds itself always asked: What is it really with these bachelors that they enjoy such uncontrollable fetish for the fresh? Sherlock says, it’s elementary, my dears: pretty young things are fair game because they are clueless to the wiles of the old fanged!

Mathematicians, on the other hand, offer a theorem: men use a formula handed down from father to son in arriving at The One – divide the age of the guy by two and add 7 to arrive at the perfect age for the girlfriend or potential life partner (e.g. assuming as true the lie that Argee is 25 years old, divide 25 by 2 plus 7 equals 19.5 years old – which should be the age of Argee’s quarry).

The Court, however, is not satisfied with these fastfood theories and consulted an expert on the matter, an Atty. JM from Romulo, Mabanta, Buenaventura, Sayoc & De Los Angeles Law Office who collaborated with Honey and Argee to explain why bachelors in their mid-20s and early 30s pursue sinfully younger women, as in Daisies – Daisy Siete, Daisy Ocho and Daisy Nueve. The three hatched the following previously unspeakable explanation for a better understanding of this bachelor phenomenon, to wit:

1. Younger ladies are easily impressed. In simple terms, madali silang mabola. Besides, such clueless chicks can be likened to lava lamps – they’re fun to look at but not that bright. So, all the bachelor has to do is to rattle off items in his resume, recount from his treasure chest of experience and if those don’t work, flash the bucks to blind the Daisy to blunder into his arms.

2. Bachelors may not admit it but they have a hidden desire to apprentice as fathers. Gusto nilang matawag na "Papa" at mag-alaga ng "bata."

3. Bachelors take after Chinese emperors who maintain a harem of nubile nymphets in order to absorb – by way of osmosis – the life force from (vestal?) virgins. Count Dracula pales in comparison with these age-suckers and yet there are so many suckers born every minute. Well, so many Daisies, so little time!

4. Bachelors are into health maintenance. They want to be with someone who can nurse them back to health thus sparing the bachelor a potential trek to the geriatric ward. Famous quote: "Konting masahe naman diyan, dear."

5. Younger girls are certified low-maintenance dates. A beeline to a burger joint and a trip to the movie house, okay na. No wallet-emptying candlelight dinners, power lunches, vacations in Europe or attendance in flashy gala concerts.

6. Bachelors hate the banana features of older women. Banana meaning "saging," as in sagging hips, sagging legs, sagging arms and sagging breasts.

7. Bachelors in their 20s and 30s are way too young to experience a mid-life crisis which normally involves swapping the family car for a Harley and ditching the middle-aged wife for a colegiala. Daisies make these bachelors feel so young and so human all over again without experiencing wedding pangs and marriage pains.

8. Bachelors who date Daisies have a shared history of going bust when they were still in high school and in college. Super-latent liaisons with campus queens are the bachelor’s badge of vindication for past hurts caused by having been jilted and serve also as prized diplomas to amplify a bachelor’s sex appeal.

9. As a macho rule, any bachelor would rather be known as Kilig ng mga Kolehiyala than be labeled as a Matrona Killer.

10. Younger women think that older men can provide them a future even if the guy’s idea of planning for a future is buying two cases of beer instead of one.

11. Unlike their older sisters who act like fast-ticking body clocks, Daisies never apply the time pressure of marriage on bachelors.

12. The bachelor commands moral ascendancy over any Daisy and can manipulate and control Daisies to act according to his whim. Familiar line: "Come to Papa, Hija."

13. Bachelors hate hideous emotional scars common among older women with the same intensity that they hate performing complicated surgeries for their removal needed to repair relationships with them which involves the exhaustion of all known techniques to cure heart ailments. Daisies, on the other hand, have less scars other than those caused by acne which can nonetheless be quickly cured by some beauty sleep or by the romantic force of Flower Power.