The anatomy of a political ad

MANILA, Philippines - Advertising these days has greatly evolved for better or for worse. From what used to be plain sales pitches, they have become more powerful, targeting one’s consciousness, self-esteem, and outlook in life. Ads these days attack your very core.

They are a quiet kind of violence: You think they don’t affect you, but in reality, the short 30- to 60-second ad, playing on repeat is more powerful than your theology professor, eloquently speaking to a room full of middle-class “intellectuals.”

However, I don’t know if I can say the same for political ads. Many of them are just plain BS.

Call me jaded or embittered, but I just don’t see the wit, humor, or deeper, more human sense in most of our campaign ads. I mean, it’s easy to see the point. Of course, candidates have to sell themselves. Of course, candidates have to one-up each other. Of course, the ads have to keep on playing until they stick in our heads. But is that all there is to it? Skin whitening ads have more hit than that.

I guess a good dissection of the election advertising arena would lead to critical reflection of the whole Philippine political demographic itself. Besides, no publicity is bad publicity when it comes to the elections, or the government for that matter.

Supreme has taken the liberty of giving you your own how-to-make-an-election ad.

Sit down and think about your proudest achievements (and make yourself even prouder). It doesn’t matter if that achievement was back in the day when you were in elementary or in pre-school. If that moment defined your overall benevolence and infinite kindness to mankind, tell the world about it. It helps if there is a “poor” character in the event. Don’t worry if there’s such an expression as “inaangat ang sariling bangko.” There is something profound when people start saying, “nung bata pa siya…” It wipes you clean of your mistakes.

Think about the departed, the ones who’d rather be in peace, and imagine what great appeal evoking their memory will have on the public. Don’t forget to mention the ones who are alive, too. The best way to pull your credibility is by mentioning how many great titos, titas, lolos, lolas, nieces, nephews, second, third, fourth cousins, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, cats and dogs you have. Don’t mention anything about your haciendas, though!

Call yourself a “champion” or a “hero” even if you know for a fact that you’re nowhere near a champion or a hero. Your conscience will eventually learn to forgive you. Better yet, have somebody else with endorsing power say it for you so you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt.

While I don’t endorse him, Justice Bello’s 30-second 2010 campaign ad for Senator hit the nail on the head. Even if he calls himself a hero, he does so with self-deprecating humor--by dressing up in purple spandex and a yellow cape.

Look for your crappiest-looking pictures getting down and dirty and pretend that’s part of your everyday life. While you’re at it, don’t forget to look for your dirtiest, poorest friends, acquaintances, frienemies, or tell your PR to round up the troops and organize a fake rally. It gives you that “one with the masses” appeal. BUT DON’T EVER FORGET to wear a sash, put on makeup, and call your cause a “beautiful fighter” so you’ll also get the approval of social democrats who want to help the poor and at the same time get even richer. It gives everyone a righteous pat in the back.

Make one impossible promise for one man or woman to accomplish and make it seem possible. Ride on the Internet’s popularity; promise to make it free for everyone without ever making it tangible or present at home. Harp on your city’s booming development caused by the simple fact that it is a central business district; tell everyone that someday, the entire Philippines, down to its remotest island, will become a central business district where there are skyscrapers, unlimited rice, and birthday cakes for everyone. Promise CHANGE and harp on the fact that unlike most legislators, you have passed zero bills. Promise CHANGE and nothing but CHANGE.

Of course, don’t forget to hand out those yellow bills to your loyal voters. Sometimes, the orange bill does the trick, so no need to set aside huge advertising budgets. If there are problems, do as Don Corleone: Make us all an offer we can’t refuse.

I guess all of these are simply election advertisements and nothing more. They are of no real weight — a disgrace to good advertising. They are not campaigns, they are merely ads.

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Tweet the author @sarhentosilly.