Post-retreat experiences and reflections

My retreat is finally over. It was three weeks long! But it was well worth it. I am sitting here in LA in a hotel room with precious time as appointments have been cancelled. I have hundreds of e-mails to address, magazines I want to read, this article to write, audio recordings I want to listen to. I am actually grateful for this rare opportunity of time!

I am going to start this piece by sharing learnings on not reacting because a major segment of the retreat was working on staying calm — and this has emerged as my first trial. My button has just been pressed. The initial effect was a flurry of logical thinking flavored with indignation and anger — and then I remember. I extricate myself from these thoughts and immerse my spirit in the stillness of soft gold. Whew, I feel so much better. It’s a relief. I take steps to address the situation but I am no longer antsy. 

Then I plan the six hours at my disposal. It’s much easier to be effective if we don’t have emotional waves going all over the place — even if the stand is seemingly righteous. In fact, it’s these righteous stands that can trigger the most reaction. 

Not reacting

Not Reacting. That’s hard! Keeping still, sealed, intact no matter the chaos around. It’s hard, and it gets especially difficult when one’s buttons are pressed. The key is to find a resting place inside where one can insulate oneself, where people and events don’t reach you as acidic. Almost like a buffer zone of some sort. Like surrounding yourself with a comforting warm golden space full of gentle light that’s really, really quiet and still.

Often, when the event happens, it triggers reactions. That’s normal. The thing is to not act on these reactions because then it can get really messy. So I have found a place — or rather am finding a place inside where I can retreat — and collect myself. In this zone it’s much easier for me to feel the divine. As a result I tend to see people and events differently.

The default mechanism is to react. The challenge is to create a new habit, a new default. Because reacting is so uncomfortable, physically and mentally — and this mode is so much more peaceful and nourishing — entrenching in a new default can be done. It just needs determination and regular practice.

Solitude

I had just come from San Francisco. I stayed at my mother’s house. I was all alone as she and Dick had gone to Manila to celebrate my brother’s 60th birthday. There is really something to be said about solitude. It was wonderful to be in this house all alone. My mother told me that when she split from my father and she decided to go to the States, she was in this house for a month all alone. No maids. Just herself. She would hear this inner sound — and through it feel the presence of God. So that has become her meditation — the inner sound and God.

Sitting in the room after a retreat with over 100 people, I was surrounded by inner sound. Sitting in LA’s Century Plaza Hotel, I can also hear this inner sound. Actually one can hear it anywhere, you just have to be quiet. I meditate regularly with my household help. My two gardeners and my laundry woman are great meditators. They don’t understand the esoteric philosophy of meditation other than the need to quiet the mind to feel God. But they can hear this inner sound. It’s soothing. It’s a good way to go to sleep. It’s a good sound to feel when one just wants to be quiet. It’s nice not to have to talk to anyone, to reflect, to plan, to do my work. 

Worldly sharing: virgin

If you are in the US, you have to try Virgin! I rode it for the first time. I usually ride United. Richard Branson is absolutely amazing! From the moment one does curbside check-in there is a difference. For some reason the lines were not long. Even the security check-in went really smoothly. Instead of chairs in a military row, they have tables surrounded by very comfortable lounging chairs The people are so nice! They have the same energy as a health food supermarket I go to.

Inside the plane, the seats are spacious. There are movies to watch even if the flight is short. The headsets are fuchsia pink and bright blue. What really got me was the food. You have a screen in front of you and you choose the kind of food you want.

I chose the high-protein packet. The contents of the packet totally floored me. Veggie pal snack food. I looked at the ingredients: no artificial flavoring, preservatives, GMO (Genetically Modified Organism). The ingredients are organic apple juice, organic carrot juice Vitamin C on a plane! I am so used to going on flights and being given the usually unhealthy fare — so this takes me aback. The other contents of the package are humus, multigrain crackers, natural almonds, gluten-free crackers. I check the ingredients of each packet: all organic, healthy. The ambience and culture of the airline are so to my liking. And get this. It’s the same price and sometimes even cheaper than United and the other airlines. But one gets so much more value for money. My mother and friends had been raving about Virgin. Well, I am now a member of the Virgin fan club.

Food

In San Francisco I had dinner at a restaurant that used to be called Intramuros and is now Fort McKinley. They had a Band Aid concert for the victims of the flood in Manila. If you are in San Francisco, eat here. The food is great! It’s nouveau Filipino food. Not the usual oily and fatty stuff. They even have bibingka soufflé. One puts the usual hole in the souffle, puts in salted egg, kesong puti — and, voila, bibingka with a French twist. They had suman with mango sauce and ube inside... the sea bass with coconut milk was great. I like salads so I liked their banana flower and papaya salad. Their tokwa sisig was exceptional. I love seeing the evolution of our cuisine.

Shoes

If you will remember in a previous article (Aug. 19, 2012), I talked about MBT shoes. I wanted prettier ones. I found one shop that was selling walking shoes with various brands. It is testimony to MBT that the cashier said that’s the only shoe she wears. She has 14 pairs! She has a splint in her knee and that’s the shoe that has helped her to manage. The sales attendant has 10! They have access to all the brands yet that’s the brand they chose for their personal use. Unfortunately the sizes were too big for me. It seems the company is undergoing transition. They cautioned me against randomly getting from the Net because there are fake MBT shoes going around. I finally decided to buy a purple sneaker that I will wear with my green jeans when I go to back to Manila tonight.... that’s how much I like the shoes. Enough to look a little bit “off.”

Ahhh love... Romance...

Saving the best sharing for the last — let me end with tidbits from the lecture we had on relationships. Romantic relationships can be very good for spiritual growth. The relationship can be a vessel, a receptacle for divine energies. The person you love can be your way to “give” to the divine.  As you all know this kilig phase doesn’t last forever. But during the intense chemistry phase — savor it, enjoy it — and use it to connect to the divine. It can be a delicious spiritual experience.

This was the tidbit that I liked the most. There is no difference between a romantic relationship and the relationship with the divine. The successful ingredients needed in both are the same: openness receptivity. It’s not just about giving and projecting your love to the loved one. It’s just as much about receiving. It’s also about holding, resting... 

Samuel led one meditation where he had us just rest on the divine, be open, receive... I must have gone very deep in the space — I felt the most beautiful giving ever — torrents of tears streaming down my face. I tried very hard not to blow my nose so that the lecture won’t be disturbed as it was being taped. In the process I ended up with clogged nasal passages but a heart touched oh so deeply by the magic of love.

Happy living to all! As I head back to Manila in a few hours, it’s my halo-halo gift to all.

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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.