What is the sense in all this?
January 9, 2005 | 12:00am
Too many things happened this year that I have yet to come to terms with fully: Loved ones suffering, close friends dying, friendships severed, confidences betrayed, natural disasters happening one after the other, families falling apart, lives lost, dreams shattered, hopes downcast.
Tragedy, after all, is relative. So is sadness. So, too, are broken hearts.
There was just too much of it in 2004.
Barely have the pieces of a dispirited life been picked up and just about when moving on has taken some semblance of fulfillment, when another hurdle comes like a thief in the night. The thin line between sadness and joy, despondence and hope, practically merge seamlessly into each other. Although much was given, much has also been taken from us.
Never has watching CNN brought so much pain. Even the most jaded heart will bleed at the plight of the victims. As of the last count, some 150,000 lives have been lost, mostly children. In its wake, the images haunt and will continue to do so for a long time to come: Mothers without children, children without mothers, fathers searching for their sons, sons carrying the lifeless bodies of their fathers. Where were you, God? Were you asleep when your children were in their darkest hour? Where, what, is the sense in all this?
Still reeling from disbelief at a tragedy that should happen only in the grandest of movies, our family gets a call that Tita Liclic, my mom’s sister, who is so feisty and full of life, is in a hospital bed in Cebu, fighting for dear life. The doctor says she has only six to 12 hours before her. Unbelievable. And terribly, terribly heartbreaking. She has since passed away.
Must all these happen in the season of Emmanuel? During the season of hope? Where is Christmas?
The past year made it apparent that life is precarious. No matter what we do, regardless of what we have (or don’t have), we are never in full control of our lives. The challenge is to be able to see God even in the midst of life’s greatest storm. His ways are a mystery we have to embrace unconditionally.
That requires a brave heart. Yes, it is difficult. There even came a point when I began to wonder how He could be present when it just feels like He is so absent? Could He not save the poor tsunami victims? Could he not repair my friend’s marriage? What stopped him from making a good man live a longer life? Why did he take Joe too soon? Why did Isabel have to drown? Despite his best effort, why can’t the poor but hardworking man I know find a decent job to sustain the needs of his eight children? Why did He not command that wretched disease to leave my Tita Liclic’s body? I had no doubt that He could have done that plus more, if only He willed it so.
Too many questions, not enough answers. I guess that’s where man ends and God begins. Let go and let God. May His grace sustain us. After all, His ways are not man’s ways. In the end, I trust that all these will be for His greater glory. Believing in my heart of hearts that He sits in the eye of life’s greatest storms is enough comfort. His presence in our lives cancels out the less in hope.
I have been doing centering prayer for a little over a month now. Doing that never fails to bring forth a grounding peace, settling my fretful heart countless times in no uncertain terms. Allow me to share it with you sometime soon. It is a beautiful, intimate experience with the God who loves us to pieces.
Meanwhile, we all have a lot of praying to do. I cannot begin to imagine where and how the victims of all these tragedies can start picking up the fragments of their lives, much less take the baby steps towards moving on. Will they ever be whole again? God help us all. May we find the grace to see beyond our pain and capture the heart of God.
A blessed new year to all, let us keep the faith as we look forward to a new leaf. The year 2005 should be better for all of us.
Tragedy, after all, is relative. So is sadness. So, too, are broken hearts.
There was just too much of it in 2004.
Barely have the pieces of a dispirited life been picked up and just about when moving on has taken some semblance of fulfillment, when another hurdle comes like a thief in the night. The thin line between sadness and joy, despondence and hope, practically merge seamlessly into each other. Although much was given, much has also been taken from us.
Never has watching CNN brought so much pain. Even the most jaded heart will bleed at the plight of the victims. As of the last count, some 150,000 lives have been lost, mostly children. In its wake, the images haunt and will continue to do so for a long time to come: Mothers without children, children without mothers, fathers searching for their sons, sons carrying the lifeless bodies of their fathers. Where were you, God? Were you asleep when your children were in their darkest hour? Where, what, is the sense in all this?
Still reeling from disbelief at a tragedy that should happen only in the grandest of movies, our family gets a call that Tita Liclic, my mom’s sister, who is so feisty and full of life, is in a hospital bed in Cebu, fighting for dear life. The doctor says she has only six to 12 hours before her. Unbelievable. And terribly, terribly heartbreaking. She has since passed away.
Must all these happen in the season of Emmanuel? During the season of hope? Where is Christmas?
The past year made it apparent that life is precarious. No matter what we do, regardless of what we have (or don’t have), we are never in full control of our lives. The challenge is to be able to see God even in the midst of life’s greatest storm. His ways are a mystery we have to embrace unconditionally.
That requires a brave heart. Yes, it is difficult. There even came a point when I began to wonder how He could be present when it just feels like He is so absent? Could He not save the poor tsunami victims? Could he not repair my friend’s marriage? What stopped him from making a good man live a longer life? Why did he take Joe too soon? Why did Isabel have to drown? Despite his best effort, why can’t the poor but hardworking man I know find a decent job to sustain the needs of his eight children? Why did He not command that wretched disease to leave my Tita Liclic’s body? I had no doubt that He could have done that plus more, if only He willed it so.
Too many questions, not enough answers. I guess that’s where man ends and God begins. Let go and let God. May His grace sustain us. After all, His ways are not man’s ways. In the end, I trust that all these will be for His greater glory. Believing in my heart of hearts that He sits in the eye of life’s greatest storms is enough comfort. His presence in our lives cancels out the less in hope.
I have been doing centering prayer for a little over a month now. Doing that never fails to bring forth a grounding peace, settling my fretful heart countless times in no uncertain terms. Allow me to share it with you sometime soon. It is a beautiful, intimate experience with the God who loves us to pieces.
Meanwhile, we all have a lot of praying to do. I cannot begin to imagine where and how the victims of all these tragedies can start picking up the fragments of their lives, much less take the baby steps towards moving on. Will they ever be whole again? God help us all. May we find the grace to see beyond our pain and capture the heart of God.
A blessed new year to all, let us keep the faith as we look forward to a new leaf. The year 2005 should be better for all of us.
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