How to cope with loss and grieving in the time of COVID-19
Saying goodbye to someone we love is always painful. No matter how we may prepare ourselves, death will always be difficult, and grieving will never be any easier. It is a process, and we'll need all the support that we can get to move beyond the agonies of having our loved ones pass.
With all the shifts that we've experienced because of the pandemic, one of the more painful adjustments that we have to make is how to go through the grieving process differently. Nowadays, we cannot meet with friends to find comfort. If a person passed away with COVID, then the protocols would be entirely different, leaving families and loved ones unable to say goodbye to their beloved. Mass gatherings are discouraged. Family and friends, therefore, could not hold wakes like we used to. You cannot even visit sick friends or relatives because of the fear of catching COVID.
Loss amid the quarantine
The reality is, this pandemic has taken more than 13,000 lives since March 2020, and many people were unable to properly say goodbye to the ones they love. Such is the case of Dr. Jerome Senen, husband of Dr. Kharen Abat-Senen, a medical practitioner who recently passed from COVID-19. Dr. Jerome shared their story during our interview on How to Process Grief in the Time of the Pandemic.
Despite not working directly on COVID-19 patients, Dr. Jerome and Dr. Kharen both practiced their respective fields, making hospital rounds in PPEs and holding regular clinic hours for their patients. Dr. Jerome is a Pediatric Pulmonologist, while Dr. Kharen specialized in neonatology.
Even though they took all the precautions that they could, Kharen still contracted the virus, and she tested positive in June 2020. She was admitted at PGH for 3 weeks, but after just a week of being discharged, her symptoms came back, and she was readmitted for 44 days before she eventually passed on August 23, 2020.
Because of her condition, her children were unable to even visit her to the hospital, and she was also cremated as per the on-going protocol.
Helping kids cope with grief
Dr. Kharen is survived by her husband, her mother, and two children, aged 8 and 11. Dr. Jerome said that telling their kids that their mom has already passed was one of the hardest things that he has to do. It was not easy, but he let their children express their feelings about the news.
According to Dr. Jhezamine "Jex" R. De Leon, registered psychologist, guidance counselor, and psychometrician, one of the best ways to help children cope is by letting them be. "Maganda po yung ginawa ni Dr. Jerome, hinayaan nya yung mga bata na mag express ng nararamdaman nila," she notes. She also adds that letting them express their feelings would help us better understand how we can support them and explain to them what they are going through.
5 stages of grief
Dr. Jex also shared in our online show the theory developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross on the 5 stages of grief one may experience after losing a loved one. While it does not manifest in a specific order, the theory claims that these are some ways that we cope with losing someone.
Denial: This is usually the first stage of grief, helping us minimize the overwhelming pain of loss. It also attempts to slow the process of understanding what is truly happening.
Anger: As we adjust to our new reality, it is common for us to feel angry over the current situation. Sometimes, there's just too much to process that anger may feel as if it is allowing us an emotional outlet.
Bargaining: When bargaining starts to take place, we are often directing our questions to a higher power, asking reasons why we have to go through this pain. For Dr. Jerome's case, it was through asking why it has to be his wife, and why it has to take place now when they still have so much ahead of them.
Depression and loneliness: As we feel the reality of our loss, depression and loneliness may slowly start creeping in through the little things we deal with on a daily basis. We start to feel the loss of our loved one more abundantly, and as the initial shock begins to subside, the loss feels more present and unavoidable than ever.
Acceptance: This is the last stage of grief -- finally accepting that we have lost someone. It may still be painful, and sadness can still be greatly felt, but being able to let go and stop resisting the reality of the situation helps us better cope with the situation.
Grieving at the time of COVID-19 is an entirely different experience. But if you know someone who is going through this difficult time, please don't forget to lend a hand and be kind to them. I hope this beautiful anonymous poem I found online can somehow help ease the pain of those who have been left behind.
Safely Home
I am home in heaven, dear ones;
Oh so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.
Did you wonder how I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade?
Oh, but Jesus' love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade.
And he came himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus' arm to lean on,
Could I have one doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still;
Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
Pray to trust our Father's will.
There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand;
Do it now, while life remains,
You shall rest in Jesus' land.
When that work is all completed,
He will gently call you home;
Oh, the rapture of that meeting,
Oh, the joy to see you come!
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