Alone again. Happily
If not for Fortune, I won’t go,” I said. I went anyway even if I dread to be in a room full of strangers, chatting animatedly, holding fluted glasses but still not being entirely drawn to the gathering. “I wish, I wish, I’d see a familiar face,” I sighed. And I did. Beautiful faces waved, blew flying kisses and even bussed me on the cheeks. What a relief!
You see, I steer clear of cocktails. Trying to pay attention to what another guest is asking or telling you is a strain. You answer, he nods. Did he understand me or was that only a polite response? It’s called tuning in (to a single voice) and tuning out the others. When the host takes the floor, who listens? Oftentimes, the din in my ears muffles whatever the host is trying to convey.
Give me solitude any time. You can work, muse, listen to music, and rest without being disturbed. It gives pleasure and repose. Maybe, a bit of a sting, too, when your mind evaluates the choices you made that proved to be palpak, a big boo-boo. But then, would it still matter? The fact that you’re still here means that you’ve lived through the mistake, a bit red in the face and left with a grazed ego but that, too, can be patched up.
Tuning out and being alone work wonders because,
• You’re recharged. Ah, the dynamics exchanged between people. It’s fulfilling and enjoyable but can wear you out, emotionally and physically. Don’t you look forward to coming home after a vacation to do those things that may not interest others, except you? Laze in your old duster, bum around and chill out?
A friend escapes to her garden shed and clay pots and flowering seeds — pansies, sunflowers, lavender, even peanuts. Her company? Buzzing bees and grasshoppers. It clears her head and restores her strength so she’s packed with energy to tackle a fresh round of interaction and/or challenges.
• You’ll reflect more often. At home, I have a reclining chair, a terrace, and a view of the Rockwell skyline, the Makati high-rise, and the chrome and steel structures of Ortigas and Taguig. Behind glass-tempered windows, the vista stays mute and motionless, allowing me to watch and mull over life.
There’s also a little sanctuary where I don’t know anyone and the stillness encourages my thoughts and feelings to go inward. Even if God is everywhere, to just sit quietly here without any thought in mind, brings Him closer. Might I be reminded of the foolishness to hoard the riches of the world; you can’t take, burn or bury them with you.
• You’ll get in touch with your own emotions. One perk of retiring is that you are no longer obliged to deal with people. No more urgent resolutions, implementing orders or listening to boring lectures and/or completing projects in order to make the grade. If you’re tuned to others 24/7, that’s debilitating. Delve deeper to understand what makes you happy and sad, and be at peace with it. Strike a balance to keep you sane and inspired.
• You’ll do things you actually enjoy. Who doesn’t love family and friends and their company? But, I also want to do things where I don’t impose on anyone. Scrapbooking, making gift items, visiting museums and galleries, Pilates, reading and watching the musicals, the ballet, and stage performances. Solo.
Lately, I’ve been on a full throttle movie marathon since my grandson downloaded a movie website. Good grief! What a collection of beautiful films; it strengthened my stance on undying love, music, family honor, and the grace of being truthful and kind. With hot water in an insulated tumbler, a bowl of fresh fruits and nuts, my earphone with volume control and a temperature/airflow-controlled electric fan, I am all set. It’s my prelude to a restful sleep.
• You’ll become more productive. Ever wonder why your list of things to do hasn’t moved or decreased? If you succumb to a tight, demanding schedule, you’d turn your house into a big heap of clutter, in your brain, too.
Devote a few hours a day or even some fully uncommitted days to clear up stuff that has been kept on hold. You will then open space for new, exciting things, thus enriching your mind, heart and life.
While I was extolling the gain and the yield of alone-ness, my radio played All by Myself, a sad, pitiable sniffle with the vocalist screaming and belting her lungs out to a lonely, deprived, needy, and miserable life. This is so inexcusable.
Give me a break and leave me alone.
