Nose it all

Arnaud Marolleau smells people.

And when he takes a whiff of someone, he gets a very good idea of the type of person he’s talking to. This worried me no end because, upon meeting me, he might think he was smelling the Anti-Christ. (That’s what a bean-filled vegetarian diet does for you.)

So I made sure to bathe in industrial detergent before I interviewed Arnaud, an international resident fragrance expert and trainer who has worked on Prestige fragrance brands like Loewe, Versace, Givenchy, Creed, and now, Bond No. 9 fragrance collection.

During our exclusive interview, Arnaud explained the origins of perfume, how best to spray on a fragrance, and the sensuality of pawis (sweat). A lot of pawis.

RJ LEDESMA: Arnauld, so basically what you do is smell things for a living?

ARNAUD MAROLLEAU: I’m a fragrance expert. We have a high knowledge of fragrances. I am invited by companies for sniff tests where I tell them what fragrances work and don’t work. I also conduct fragrance knowledge workshops and represent some of the brands as their spokespersons.

The value of your nose is probably more expensive than all my vital organs and pink parts put together.

It’s very well insured. (Laughs)

Versus your other body parts?

(Laughs) Well, which part of your body is well-insured?

It is the part that my wife wants to keep as a family heirloom. How did you develop this superhuman sense of smell? Was it a result of genetic manipulation? Were you bitten by a radioactive flower as a child? Were you born nose first?

It’s just that I have the ability to recognize ingredients in a perfume. So if I smell something, I could tell you more or less what is inside.

I’m not sure that superpower will get you into the X-Men.

Actually, I can smell people before I see them.

Many people also say that they can smell me before they see me. But then I apologize afterward.

Smells Like Heaven

I have always been curious as to why perfumes were first created. Was it to make men more attractive to the opposite sex despite their looks?

Perfume comes from the Latin term per fumum, which means “like smoke.” Originally, it was incense that was given as an offering to the gods because the smoke was very “mysterious.” Then the pharaohs wanted to use “perfumes” because they were supposed to be gods on earth, so they wanted to smell like what they were offering to the gods. So when you wear a fragrance, it is said that you possess a certain mysterious, magical power.

An offering to the gods? That’s perfect. I know that my wife considers me her personal Adonis.

(RJ’s wife: More like my personal Hades.)

During the time of the kings, they wore fragrances to mask their bad odors and differentiate themselves from the common. So whenever you met with one of the royals, that person always smelled divine.

Today when you smell a fragrance, you get what we call a “fragrance print.” So let’s say your ex-girlfriend used to wear a specific fragrance. After you break up with her and you smell that fragrance, it will always remind you of your ex-girlfriend.

Ah, the type of fragrance that makes you want to shove hot pokers up your nose. From what I understand, scent is a very strong memory trigger. In fact, if my wife catches any scent on me that reminds her of my heathen bachelorhood, she aims a trigger at me.

That’s because scent is directly connected to your brain. Unlike the other senses where you can filter out what information is useful or not useful, the nose has no filters. So the fragrances are directly stored in your brain. When you smell the fragrance again, it immediately triggers your feelings attached to scent.

No wonder the smell of baby powder and diapers gives me involuntary bladder discharge. But aside from turning you into a divinity, isn’t perfume still supposed to make you more attractive? 

It really depends on what you do. For example, you can actually wear a fragrance that is just for yourself.

You wear a fragrance that makes you attractive… to yourself?

(Resident No Girlfriend Since Birth: It helps during those lonely, lonely nights.)

Then when you go to the gym, you want to wear something vibrant and energizing that puts you into the mood for sports.

What could be more vibrant and energizing than the fragrance of smelly socks and jockstraps wafting from the gym that makes you want to work out as fast as possible?

And when you go on a date, you want to wear a fragrance that is sexy and sensual. You don’t expect to sleep with that person on the first date.

(Resident Dirty Old Man: Well, that really depends on what service you paid for.)

But you want to make sure that fragrance is left in the person’s memory so that the person cannot forget you.

Especially if she has to identify you in a police line-up. Speaking of arresting developments, what are the types of scents men should look for so they end up being sensual and sexy? I’ve tried rubbing myself with copies of men’s magazines, but all I end up smelling like is dried ink.

Actually, there is a fragrance from the Bond No. 9 fragrance collection called New York Oud, an Arabic oil that is mostly found in Southeast Asia. It’s a resin found in the tree. When you wear it, whoever smells the fragrance gets possessed by it and will fall in love with you.

Naku, if the DOMs start wearing this, women will start needing the help of exorcists. By the way, why are scents sensual in the first place?

Let’s take the example of a sensual smell like musk. The smell of musk will instantly arouse you. But musk is actually the sweat of bulls’ testicles.

How sensual.

But every mammal has musk. Even you have musk.

I haven’t really checked, but I’ll take your word for it.

If you ask your “wife” to conduct a “treasure hunt” around that area of your body, she will smell musk. But it doesn’t smell like sweat. It smells sweet, very sensual and a bit amberish.

I’m not sure if my wife has ventured that far into my anatomy. But let me ask my yaya.

I’ll ask my wife to check on that scent, but I’m not sure if her medical insurance covers it. But let me ask my yaya.

Before the ‘70s, we used ambergris — which is whale sperm — and the urine of civet cats and put it in the fragrances. But when the journalists started writing about what we were putting in fragrances, the ladies were disgusted (Laughs)!

Because they found themselves attracted to bulls’ testicles, cat urine and whale sperm?

So in Europe there was a huge drop in fragrance sales in the seventies because women don’t want their men wear the scent of a bull’s testicles (Laughs)!

Especially if men’s testicles can sweat on their own!

Today, however, we are no longer authorized to use animal musk.

Why? Because animals no longer sweat from their testicles? 

Since we can no longer use the “real thing,” we reproduce the scent scientifically with a machine called Head Space. We need the smell of musk because they are fragrance drivers that make the fragrance last.

So a fragrance expert like yourself smells the bull’s testicles then tries to replicate it on the machine? I wonder how the bull feels about that?

(Laughs) We take the bull’s testicles and put it in a photocopying machine. Then the computer tells us how to do it.

Well, I think that must be a better job then collecting whale sperm.

Spray You, Spray Me

What fragrance should I look for that will smell better than the sweat of my testicles?

Remember that fragrance is like an elixir: it is a trail that you leave behind.

I don’t need a fragrance to know that I leave a trail behind me.

Fragrance is supposed to be aura and is an extension of your personality. So you have to understand your personality. Let’s take you, for example. If I look at you, you appear to be very energetic, vibrant and like to move around a lot. So I don’t recommend a fragrance for you that is very masculine, intense and heavy.

So what would you recommend? The scent of tranquilizer?

I would recommend a fragrance that is classy, a little bit sporty, and when you smell it, it gives you energy. That type of fragrance would be very you. Because when you choose a fragrance, it should be according to the image or personality that you want to communicate to people.

For example, there are a lot of young men starting their business careers. Since they are young they don’t instantly inspire trust. So they should go for fragrances that are worn by older people, so that the people you are dealing with will get an image of a person who is much more mature than whom you really are.

On which body parts should you spray fragrances? On pulse points? On erogenous zones? On parts approved by my wife?

Don’t wear it on pulse points. You only spray perfume on pulse points if you are using pure perfume oil. But nowadays, most fragrances are made of perfume oil and alcohol. The alcohol from the perfume will make it evaporate, so you don’t need the heat from your body.

You’re right, I’m hot enough as it is.

When you are meeting with people during the day, you can spray fragrance onto your clothing. However, the best way to spray on a fragrance is to spray a fragrance 20 to 30 centimeters from your body then you walk into it. But if you want a more sensual result, then you should spray it directly onto your body. Because there may come a point when you are undressing yourself and somebody is with you,

No wonder yaya always made me wear baby cologne before we went to sleep.

When you wear a fragrance, it will mix with you and adapt to you. With the Bond No. 9 collection, it is a discovery of what you are wearing and you want to see what comes up. Let us try Madison Square fragrance on you.

You want do discover how Madison Square will adapt to me? Sure thing, but I don’t think my wife will allow you to play treasure hunt with me.

(Arnaud sprays my wrist and takes a whiff) You get the top notes, which is the smell of grass and a walk in the park. It’s a very clean and green fragrance. I think you need to wear more aromatic fragrances, such as those that contain herbs and leave, because you are very dynamic and have buzz about you. Herbs and leaves will keep you fresh and spicy at the same time.

And I’d probably make a great appetizer as well.

Did you know that 70 percent of male fragrances purchased are made by females? So it is the women who buy the fragrances that they would like to smell on their men. If they like the guy and the smell of the guy, then they get turned on. Women need the full package to be aroused.

My wife doesn’t really need to buy me perfume. I think the smell of my musk is enough of a package for her.

(RJ’s wife: I am not saying anything further without my lawyer present.)

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For comments, suggestions, or Musk du RJ, e-mail ledesma.rj@gmail.com, visit www.rjledesma.net or follow rjled on Twitter.