How to be fab at 45

Yes, I am proud to admit that I am 45 years old! While some women would scoff at the slightest reference to their age and others would give you that “don’t you dare go there” look, I have always been comfortable with my age. Consider me part of a dying breed, but I would offer up my age without a wince or a disclaimer; for me, age is and always will be just a number.

Age is a fact; infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood are all a given. We cannot reverse the order of nor prevent these physiological events from happening, but we can definitely choose how to live the life we have been given.

I never thought I would work so early in life, but a chance meeting with a fashion director when I was 15 years old led to a career in modeling, a job I truly enjoyed! Most people think that modeling is all glamour and relatively easy, but it is hard work. Although you get to meet many wonderful people, spend a lot of time in hotels and other exclusive venues, travel to international destinations, and get certain privileges, modeling is a physically demanding job. It wasn’t unusual for us to stay up past midnight for a rehearsal and wake up early the next day for another rehearsal, show or photo shoot. Since I was a working student, the grueling schedule and demands were doubly challenging when you factored school in. During the day, I had to schedule my modeling assignments between classes, exams and schoolwork. During the evenings, I had to squeeze in reviewing for tests and doing homework between rehearsals or before and after the show. This kind of brutal schedule lasted for four dizzying years until I graduated! Looking back on that period in my life, I don’t know how I managed to survive, let alone graduate; just thinking about it now makes me feel exhausted!

After I finished college, I set my heart on conquering the fashion world. With several hundred US dollars, a promise of temporary housing and a few contact numbers, a big dream and street smarts, I traveled to New York and Milan and spent almost a year breaking into the modeling industry. Although I did not land a magazine cover nor a juicy contract with a cosmetic company, I had the chance to model at the NY prêt-a-porter, work as a fit model for Marzotto, an Italian clothing manufacturer, and shoot several editorials for Vogue Sposa Bella and some other Italian magazines. To augment my meager modeling income and manage to send money back home and pay my bills, I bused tables on the night shift at a Third Avenue café, five days a week. I wanted to stay on and persevere, but family obligations in Manila called and the prospect of becoming a “TNT” was hardly appealing, so I came home to resume modeling.

I was welcomed back warmly, worked non-stop and joined “The Look of the Year” modeling contest in 1988 for a chance to go back to New York and work with Elite Models. I only placed second, but this didn’t discourage me from pursuing my desire to model overseas again. I found moderate success in Hong Kong, Singapore and Tokyo, but at the age of 27 and after 13 years of modeling, I decided to call it quits and move forward with Plan B.

I became a working student once more; this time I enrolled in a language school and studied Japanese while working for Junko Koshino, a Japanese fashion designer, and then the Philippine Department of Tourism-Tokyo. I got married and gave birth to a baby girl while living in Japan. We headed back to Manila in 1998 to pursue our dream of starting a business called Piadina. Coming back took a lot of personal and professional adjustments and at times sacrifices; I lost a child to an undetected ailment but gave birth to a healthy baby boy soon after. Raising a family, re-immersing myself in the Filipino way of life and operating a business proved challenging, to say the least, and we agonized through many painful, difficult and expensive lessons.

I am telling you my life story because I share many of the same experiences with other women to varying degrees. Along the way, I struggled with weight gain, and experienced pain with a difficult, life-threatening pregnancy. I have been torn between family obligations and living my dreams, I have felt frustration running our business; I have grappled with self-doubt, suffered physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and have spent moments questioning my faith. I wanted to find balance while sorting through life’s ups and downs, highs and lows.

When I turned 40, I made a conscious decision to change my life, to be more happy and healthy; I just didn’t want to settle for less than the best anymore, so:

I decided to take better care of myself. I started to eat better and took most processed and fried foods out of my diet. I now eat a healthy breakfast of oatmeal and whole-wheat bread, eating more vegetables during the day. I exercise more and exercise smart, finding the right combination to develop my muscles, improve my stamina, boost my immune system and reduce my body-fat percentage to a healthy level. I now make sure that I take all the medical tests required of women my age without procrastinating. I cut down on watching TV and go to bed on most nights at 10 p.m. to get at least seven hours of sleep every day.

I decided to be kinder to myself. I used to be so hard on myself for failing to accomplish everything on my to-do list within a designated time frame. Now I set realistic goals and leave some room for delay or error because, whether I like it or not, everything doesn’t always go according to plan. I have learned to be more patient and forgiving and to choose my battles and not sweat the small stuff, as the saying goes.

I decided to stop feeling guilty all the time. I used to think that if I worked fewer hours, I wasn’t working hard enough. I used to think that if I was unable to lend money or help out a family member or employee, I wasn’t being a good person. I used to think that if I didn’t put other people’s needs first, I was doing something wrong. The stress of trying to do everything, pleasing everyone and meeting everyone else’s needs took a toll on my health. Now I take an afternoon a week to meet up with my best friend; we have lunch or coffee and watch a movie just to enjoy some female bonding time. I have also given myself at least an hour and a half each morning to exercise after I bring my kids to school, before I go to work. Now I think carefully before extending a helping hand to make sure my generosity is not misplaced or abused. I have stopped trying to please everyone because honestly, it just isn’t possible. I have learned to accept my limits and be content, keeping close only to the people who have a positive impact on my life.

I decided to put my priorities in order. Work came before family then. Now family comes before everything else. I manage my time better and am glad to say that despite spending less time at work, I am able to accomplish more; I have also been able to set aside time for myself to rejuvenate and recharge every morning. Since my husband works overseas, spending time with our children takes priority. I no longer feel the need to attend every party or event I am invited to. I have become selective about how I spend my evenings out — social events and parties are a dime a dozen, time with our kids is priceless.  

I decided to pray, pray, pray! I used to believe that there was a time, a place and a reason to pray; now I pray anytime, anywhere. I don’t have to find a reason to “talk” to God, I just do. I lift up my day to Him and request His participation in most everything I do; I will say a short prayer just before an important meeting to ask for a good outcome. I speak to Him about my anxieties, my hopes and my dreams and ask for acceptance and understanding when things don’t go my way. I ask Him for wisdom when deciding matters, I seek His forgiveness when I’ve done something wrong, I thank Him for the smallest of gifts and blessings, to constantly remind me never to take anything for granted. I find His quiet presence in my life comforting and reassuring.

My life is by no means perfect, but let me tell you, I have never felt or looked better! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, nor does it require a lot of money to make the changes I made in my life, I just had the desire and the right motivation. There is so much to look forward to and celebrate, so I encourage all the women in their 40s out there not to let age get in the way of a fabulous life; it is just a number you can either add to or subtract from. Which do you choose to do today?