Grin and bear it
You see it in action. You are the bad cop, and your boss is the good cop in most office situations. You are the devil and your boss is the angel. You get the flak and your boss is spared the wrath. You absorb the shock and your boss remains unscathed. You “grin and bear it”!
In the political scene, Secretary Mar Roxas is a major contender in the 2016 Philippine presidential election. Will he officially get P-Noy’s endorsement — although it’s not necessary as some political analysts look at it — or will somebody else obtain the anointment? Will he make way again to the more popular alternative and slide down to vice president as he did in 2010? Will he once more “grin and bear it”? Personally, I hope not.
You may be suffering from depression or from some kind of debilitating illness, where the simplest little thing, like the act of getting out of bed to go into the living room, seems as impossible as being able to fly. For you, the world is just too much to handle, but you march on, armed only with the hope, and the resolve not to stop fighting. You “grin and bear it” even if it truly hurts.
To grin and bear it is to tolerate something repulsive, but jokingly. There is nothing you can do but go along with it. You detest working for rude people, but because of necessity or some other reasons, you just have to weather it. Sports cartoonist George Lichtenstein, using the penname George Lichty, created the “Grin and Bear It” cartoon in the early 1930s. In the more than 70 years since it first appeared, it has effectively lampooned every facet of the establishment focused on military intelligence, the greed of big business and the boundless torrent of political bureaucracy. When it’s not running after the high and mighty, “Grin and Bear It” also lets the air out of the commonplace discrepancies and meaninglessness of people’s morals and daily living.
Political candidates go through a series of unavoidable “grin and bear it” situations. During the campaign period, they have to have a sincere smile consistently painted on their faces. They are expected to kiss babies, shake hands attend kasalan (weddings), burol (wakes) and libing (burials); pose for selfies, shoot basketballs on a rocky, uneven half court, drink “gin bulag” (a strong local gin variety) with the tambays, or eat with bare hands with informal settler families, among many other displays of good humor in seemingly adverse circumstances.
Embracing rejection and embracing failure are dimensions of a “grin and bear it” mindset. That’s how Greek-American TV personality Jeanni Pulos looks at “take the rough with the smooth” conditions. “Never give up. If you have to work a different job, learn from that. You have to come at it with the right mindset. Then put in that work every day. It sounds easier said than done, but you have to change your thinking. Don’t go to a ‘worst-case scenario.’ Don’t go to ‘Why me?’ Go to things you can control. Accept criticism and work with the opportunities you find,” she advised. In one of her writings Pulos shared some principles on how to avoid failure — and lessen your involvement in “grin and bear it” states — culled from her many colorful years in the entertainment business, which are guaranteed to get you out of a “grin and bear it” state of affairs.
No one really sustains a career by being lucky. Actors Robin Williams and Jim Carrey have often spoken about how they used to practice their material in the mirror for hours, days, weeks and months — however long it took until it no longer felt rehearsed but natural. If you don’t work hard you fail, but if you have dedication to your craft, if you engage in continuing study, and learning to produce good work under difficult circumstances, you succeed.
Making a promise isn’t worth a thing if you aren’t willing to follow through. In your business or personal life, not keeping your promise is an act of destruction. You can’t pledge to donate money to a charity and never write the check. Not keeping your promises is a surefire path to failure. Richard Paul Evans declared, “Broken vows are like broken mirrors. They leave those who held to them bleeding and staring at fractured images of themselves.”
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth. You don’t keep lying because everyone is doing it.
Don’t pretend that your career is truly really taking off when it is really a car stuck on the expressway because of an overturned truck carrying cement bags. You may be a smart and talented professional, but you may find yourself at some point having no idea what you’re really good at; or whenever someone was attentive or had the desire to show you how to be better, you had no interest. Their attempt to help you grow meant nothing to you because, in your head, you were already talented and well on your way to the top.
You have to be willing to work harder than you ever thought you had to. Focus on the end result and ignore the process. When you don’t think you have five more minutes in your day, find it. When you think you can’t do 10 more sit-ups, do them. When you think you can’t find the time to focus on your family, figure it out. Emerson once said, “The difference between a hero and a regular man is that a hero was braver five minutes longer.”
Showing up authentically means you are fully present and engaged. And if you’ve done your work, expectedly, you’re exhausted by the end of the day. You can’t just phone in your deliverables and imagine your superiors getting awed by your results. Present yourself in an authentic way and expect real outcomes. Lance Secretan said, “Authenticity is the alignment of head, mouth, heart and feet — thinking, saying, feeling and doing the same thing — consistently. This builds trust, and followers love leaders they can trust.” And truth be told, you gravitate to people who are sincere and down-to-earth. You are keen on authenticity, believing that life is confused and flawed.
It’s every man or woman for himself or herself, when you live in the “me.” It’s not all about you. When you live in the “we,” you can move mountains for the collective greater good. Some people took lots of expensive therapy to embrace the “It’s not about me” idea, and this revelation came as a total shock to many. Turn living in the “me” into living in the “we.” As Frederick Perls proclaimed, “I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful.”
A mother’s advice is usually sound advice. Listen to her. You may think she’s being critical, judgmental, out of touch, old-fashioned, snarky and doubting. And you may even be right. But you have to remember she loves you and cares about the choices you’re making along the way. Her approach, her tone, the manner in which she approaches a particular situation may not always jibe with how you see things but this doesn’t necessarily make her wrong. And it certainly doesn’t always make her right. But the reality is, she likely has more insight than you’re giving her credit for, so don’t dismiss her words without some thought.
Standing up for what you believe in is one of the most important skills you’ll need in life. People in life will always try to knock you down, but as long as you get back up, you’re showing them that you can stand for what you believe in. But first, believe in yourself. Don’t cave in to insults from others, and stand up for what you believe in. Be clear with your position, write them down if you need to and put it to heart. Implement follow-through activities and leave no loose ends. Don’t start a petition, and then never hand it in. In order for people to really believe you are serious, you need to show them that you are dedicated. Leave no loose ends. Plan out any presentations, respond to arguments, and don’t waste people’s time.
Some jobs are just too large to accomplish on your own; help is required. Inform friends and family about what you’re doing, and tell them to tell others. If personal issues are so difficult that you and your partner, family members or friends cannot work them out between or among you, seek assistance. It’s okay. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness; it’s one of strength and courage. Engage or utilize a family counselor, a spiritual adviser, a psychologist or other objective mediator who can direct you to an understanding of the issue and help identify a healthy solution. Don’t let pride or ego stand in your way; it makes for empty beds and broken relationships.
If you want to be a better “somebody” use your resources to achieve that. Invest in things that can help you improve your craft and propel your career forward. Spend your money on the things you wanted, and see the huge difference it makes. Start making money in your career so you can write the check.
Playing bad cop, being a shock absorber, covering for somebody or something or grinning and bearing it for whoever or whatever should not be a permanent status. You can reverse that responsibility. It’s a choice you can make, and make work for you.
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Email bongosorio@yahoo.com or bong_osorio@abs-cbn.com for comments, questions or suggestions. Thank you for communicating.
