To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war

You engage in negotiations every day. The process can be big or small, and you do it consciously or unconsciously. It is a staple in business and life, from the mega-mergers in major industries to weekly project-status meetings at work, weekly sales and budget reviews, to everyday encounters at home. A negotiation is an interactive communication process that may take place whenever we want something from someone else or another person wants something from us. It can be as quick as an elevator ride or as long as forever, depending on what you are negotiating for and whom you are negotiating with.

Many things are lost for want of asking, says George Herbert. You have to talk, reason out, communicate, or debate. Of course, life is definitely far easier when people have the sense to see things your way. In the real world, however, diplomacy, selling, collective bargaining, annual budgeting, and priority setting all tend to require that people from different organizations, or even your own people with different points of view, find satisfactory means to reach an agreement. As Winston Churchill said, “To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.” Indeed, the secret of negotiation is to bring into line the true interests of the parties concerned.

No two negotiators and negotiating situations are the same. You must learn to adapt to these differences realistically and intelligently, while maintaining your personal ethics and self-respect. An overarching mindset in negotiation is to never negotiate out of fear, but never fear to negotiate.

In the book Bargaining for Advantage, G. Richard Shell takes you through the fundamentals of effective negotiation. It is your trek map to better negotiations that allows flexibility to those who go to the negotiating table and the circumstances that are laid out on the table. Here are some thoughts to ponder:

• Are you cooperative or competitive? In a negotiation, style is critical. It is imperative that you should know what your bargaining style is. Evaluate the way you talk when you face a situation containing interpersonal disputes. Your success as an effective negotiator depends on candidly assessing your strengths and weaknesses as a communicator. A cardinal rule is to know who you are. It would be best to do a personal inventory, and strategize how you should go through a negotiation. Are you a spitting cobra and want to get it over with fast? If so, you may give in too quickly, or give away too much. Are you a Miss or Mister Amity, an obliging, cooperative sort of person who believes that unless both sides win, no agreement can be permanent? Do you aim to meet everyone’s goals so people leave the negotiation feeling good? Or are you more of a competitive boxer less concerned with how the other party feels and more interested in how well you fight the game?

• Knowing who will be on the other side of the ring can make you win. Make sure you have done your homework by determining who you’re negotiating with before you go to the conciliation. Know what his reputation is as a negotiator. Does the person want to compromise with you, does he dread the negotiation, or is he veering towards a neutral situation? You have to have your arsenal in place, since as Frederick II warns, “Negotiations without weapons are like music without instruments.”

• Anticipating what the other party wants opens you to far greater gains. You want to be a winner in negotiations. But to ensure the win, you should know how the punches will come from the other side. It is generally unwise, though, as Henry Kissinger reminds, “to raise an issue when you are not prepared to accept the likely response.” Creativity as you prepare for your personal bargaining style is key. Anyone can do things the same old way, but using brainstorming techniques, listening to even outlandish proposals and opening up to unanticipated possibilities expand agreement opportunities. If you respond with new ideas and do the unexpected, you can open doors to far greater gains than when you behave predictably. Knowing what you want out of the negotiation is not enough. You also need to foresee what the other faction wants, as you try to predict what the other party thinks you want.

Great statesman: Winston Churchill knew all about the art of negotiation.

Interests are the building blocks of lasting agreements. Determining what the other party is worried about sounds simple, but your basic attitudes about negotiations make this surprisingly difficult to do. Don’t presuppose that the other party’s needs clash with your own. Do not limit your field of vision to the issues that they themselves are troubled by, forgetting that the other side often has its own problems based on where they are coming from. Be conscious of the difference between positions and interests. If you can figure out why you want something, and why others want their outcome, then you are looking at interests. Interests are the building blocks of lasting agreements.

The classic story to illustrate this describes two sisters fighting over the only orange in the family larder. Each sister must have the entire orange for herself. Any less is impossible. A wise parent privately asks each of the girls why she wants the orange. One explains she wants to drink the juice, the other wants to use the rind to cook a pudding. What each sister wants is her position; why she wants it is her interest. In this case, the simple solution is to give the cook the rind after the juice has been squeezed for the thirsty sister, thus meeting the interests of both. The lesson here is simple: find the shared interests that will motivate negotiators on the other side to agree with your proposal and explore why they might say no. Although Henry Kissinger believes that “a good definition of an equitable settlement is one that will make both sides unhappy,” the wise parent was successful in making the two sisters happy. He had the ability to get the first sister’s point of view and see things from her angle as well as that of the second sister.”

• Active listening leads to effective negotiations. Don’t spend all of your listening time planning how to get back at the other party. Focus on their words and their underlying meanings. This will help you understand the interest upon which an agreement can be based. As Samuel Taylor Coleridge avers, “The first duty of a wise advocate is to convince his opponents that he understands their arguments.” When your response makes it clear that you have listened and understood what has been said, they, too, may be more predisposed to listening. External listening will also allow you to see important nonverbal messages, facial expressions, and other body language manifestations.

• Clarity communicates confidence and resolve. Once you set your sights on a concrete, challenging goal, you will become more motivated. The intuitive part of your mind, the part that works and learns “below the surface” while you are getting ordinary things done during the day, will become a powerful ally and problem solver. You will become more focused, persistent, and achievement-oriented, and you will be more likely to come up with good arguments and new ideas about how to get what you want.

Your lucidity will communicate confidence and resolve to the other party. It will convey the message that you have high expectations for both yourself and the deal. And perhaps no other personal variable makes such a difference in negotiation as the quiet feeling of self-assurance, self-esteem, and dedication that exude from people who know what they are running after and why they ought to run for it.

• Truth, fairness and consistency bring real commitments. Arguments about standards, norms, positioning themes, and authority are the bread and butter of negotiations. It is all about honesty, evenhandedness and constancy, and requires the setting up of authoritative standards and norms. Fairness counts. If people feel that the negotiation process is fair, they are more likely to make real commitments and less likely to walk away planning ways to wriggle out of the agreement. You should not make a promise unless you can deliver on it. Your commitment is not worth much unless the parties to the negotiations are Drop-Dead Decision-Makers. Moreover, a commitment is not likely to result unless all parties feel the process has been fair.

• Access and integrity are gained with the relationships you have established and nurtured. Most of your connections are with people you meet with regularly, such as your boss and officemates or your partner and kid. The same is true for borrowers, directors and representatives of affiliated institutions. If you understand the relative priority of the relationship, it can be easier to know when giving in on a particular point may yield short-term costs but long-term gains.

• It’s all about trust. Negotiation is a highly sophisticated form of communication. Without trust, there won’t be effective communication. Instead you will have manipulation and suspicion masquerading as communication. Thus, building trust, honoring your commitments, telling the truth, and respecting confidences are important ingredients when you want the deal in your favor. Franklin D. Roosevelt emphasizes, “If you treat people right, they will treat you right, at least 90 percent of the time.”

Effective negotiation in Shell’s judgment is 10 percent technique and 90 percent attitude. And to acquire the right attitude, you need realism, intelligence and self-respect.

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E-mail bongosorio@yahoo.com or bong_osorio@abs-cbn.com for comments, questions or suggestions. Thank you for communicating.