Turn the other cheek (and gain more)
We all get to read, personally witness or be part of anger situations. Last Wednesday we saw Rep. Teddy Boy Locsin losing his cool over a Smartmatic official’s explanation as to why the election results transmitted by the PCOS machines had different time stamps, which did not reflect the actual opening and closing times of the polls. We have read of a widow getting angry over the false accusations being hurled at her husband as she grieves over his untimely death, candidates who lost their election bids crying angrily about getting cheated, or a whistle blower challenging the credibility of the polls.
Such situations bring to mind the movie Anger Management, shown about four years ago, which tells the story of a clerk (Adam Sandler) who works hard at his job but can’t seem to commit to a relationship. In the film, Sandler is a generally non-confrontational person until a “behavior snap” onboard a plane. Because of his belligerent manner, Sandler becomes court-bound and is sentenced to attend an anger management class populated with an off-the-wall mix of outraged classmates. A psychiatrist essayed by Jack Nicholson handles the course.
The uncontrolled pugnacious manner of Adam results in a second visit to the courtroom. And as he is about to be sentenced to serve a jail term, he is rescued in the nick of time by Nicholson’s second plea to the judge and his offer to provide a more intensive therapy. He moves in with Adam and takes control of his personal life. As the odd housemates battle over every single aspect of Adam’s life, the embattled clerk is forced to confront and deal with issues he didn’t even realize he had.
• Anger is one of the worst of human emotions. It ranges from a fleeting annoyance to a full-fledged rage. Anger, though, is a completely normal emotion, and is usually considered a healthy behavior. But when it gets out of hand and turns destructive, it can bring untold problems — at our office and business, in our personal relationships, and in the overall quality of our life.
Medical research has proven that anger can kill. It affects our entire being. When our anger rises, our adrenaline flows, our heart rate increases, our blood pressure shoots up, our sweat glands open up and pour, our energy hormones rage and your rational thinking shuts down. Whether caused by circumstances beyond our control or by our own actions, anger can kill our chances of making things go right unless we learn how to “throw it away.”
• Have our emotions in check. How do Filipinos figure in the anger scale? In the absence of any scientific data, and based merely on physical observation, it can be said that the Philippines has become a nation whose collective mood has grown angry. Look at our roads and expressways, our workplaces, the halls of Congress and even our homes, and it can concluded, albeit sadly, that common courtesy has been thrown in the wastebasket.
• Are we as nice as we used to be? Are we more impatient, rude and demanding? Are we in a huff and in a hurry? Check your own actions. You don’t want to wait in line. You want to be ahead of everybody else, you don’t want to cooperate, and you don’t want to be inconvenienced by anyone and anything. You want to have your way and you want it now, like a spoiled brat, demanding a lion’s share of whatever there is to be had. You are openly hostile. You are cranky, out of control, and scornful.
This leads to the questions such as: how is our anger level? Are we still the happiest, “smilingest” race in Asia, or is the “anger epidemic” pervading our milieu so fast, breaking down our renowned charm and hospitality? Maybe we still are considering the extended display of anger in Thailand, an Asian country considered to be our closest competitor in the “smile arena.” We don’t have the answers right now, but if we are not able to provide the antidote to the contagion, expect an escalation of children, adults, politicians, business people, and even religious leaders lashing out, and ventilating a disturbing state of exasperation.
• Move forward with a positive attitude. Author Emmet Murphy identified four origins of anger that we can personally relate to. First is the feeling in our childhood, that we were “born to fail,” and that life has dealt us an unfair hand by virtue of race, color creed, poverty or a mental or physical disadvantage. Maybe our parents could not afford to allow us to wear the clothes we want, eat what we crave, live in a mansion, and go to the best university. Or perhaps a disability prevented us from doing what others do naturally.
Under such circumstances, we may think that we have every right to feel angry. Despite these feelings, however, we can pick a different road to travel. Who says living is easy anyway? Rather than indulge our disappointment and ire, snapping at others even under the slightest of provocation, or getting our feelings entombed inside us, and letting them aggravate, we can move forward with a positive attitude. In essence, we can allow our anger to take control of our lives, or we can choose to take control of our anger.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right. A second source of anger is when thunder roars and lightning hits. Or when an unexpected challenge gets in the way of our ambitions and desires, which can come in the form of an accident, a natural catastrophe or the deliberate malice of a foe. When it does, we usually find our courage tested by a sudden change in our lives that we have no control over. The resulting feelings of powerlessness can quickly turn to rage. We should not compound our misfortune by adding the fuel of anger to the flames. It may result to a bigger crisis. When lightning strikes, bear in mind that two wrongs don’t make a right, two negatives never add up to a positive.
• A mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow. Committing an honest mistake, or doing something foolish is a third source. But getting mad at ourselves when we screw up is only human. After all, we can’t blame just anybody when we make a mistake. The responsibility rests squarely and heavily upon our shoulders. We may be disappointed and resentful, or indulge in self-pity and self-hatred, but these will not help us set things right. In fact, they may bring us bigger problems, and worse, deadlier outrage. Failure can teach us more than success because mistakes test our character, but denying our foul-ups dooms us to repeating them. We must define every mistake we make as an opportunity to learn and to grow.
• Turning the other cheek can lead us to gain more. Betrayal, in any form, is the fourth source of anger. It can make us see red. We should react to betrayal, not with an “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” mindset, but with a resolve to move forward unaffected by the treachery. Tough to do, but it can surely protect our lives from further ruin. Betrayal can cause us to commit vengeful acts or to distrust people. It’s a tougher act and to a lot may be easier said than done, but when someone slaps us in the cheek, we’ll gain more by turning the other cheek. We will only multiply the negative emotions surrounding a betrayal if we dwell on it.
• Keep our unpopular emotions such as rage and hatred always in check. Learn how to turn negativities into positive energies, and increase richness in other aspects of your personal and professional lives. Hate is just a feeling. If its origins are fully explored, it will go away. Choose to be happy instead.
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