He's still not ready to marry after five years
Dear Nanay,
I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for five years now. I want to get married already but he still doesn’t want to. I don’t know whether he really loves me, if he is just not ready or maybe is just afraid to commit. One of my friends suggested to me that he might be gay.
Nanay, isn’t five years long enough to wait and isn’t it time to really settle down? We are both of age and have jobs. I think we are ready. What is he waiting for? Maybe he really is gay?
Impatient
Dear Impatient,
Why don’t you just talk to him? Ask him why he doesn’t want to get married yet and find out exactly what is on his mind. Just make sure you do not pressure him into committing right there. Baka mag-away lang kayo (You might just quarrel); then you will not be able to find out how he feels. And you have to find a good opportunity to open up the subject. If he does not feel like opening up, do not force the issue. Kailangan (You need) timing. After you find out his reasons for not wanting to get married, then you can decide what you want to do.
As for being gay, I really cannot say. Pero siguro hindi naman. (But I don’t think so.) I am sure after being with him for five years you would have sensed it already.
I know you are getting impatient, but give him a chance to explain things. Who knows? He might have perfectly legitimate reasons why he does not want to commit yet. Give him the benefit of the doubt. And besides, if you really love him, then you should be prepared to wait because marriage must be entered into voluntarily by both of you. Hindi mo dapat pinipilit iyan. (You should not force it.)
Sincerely,
Nanay
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17 and Ready To Marry
Dear Nanay,
My daughter is only 17 years old and, just like many kids and teenagers today, thinks she knows everything. My problem is she thinks she is old enough to get married.
Right now, she does not even have a boyfriend so I do not think she will really get married, but I still don’t want her going around thinking she is ready when she is not. And I do not want her to think that it is okay to get married at such a young age.
But how do I convince her that I am right? We always end up in an argument every time this topic comes up.
Mary
Dear Mary,
First of all, I think you are correct. Seventeen is just too young to get married. She still has so much of life ahead of her. At the very least, I think she should finish her school.
Having said that, it is admittedly very difficult to change the opinions of a teenager who thinks she knows everything. Mahirap pilitin. (It’s hard to force the issue.) Because the more you push, the more she will push back.
But if she is reasonable, and you are also reasonable, I think you just have to talk to her nicely. Maybe just explain your side to her. You are not trying to convince her or change her mind. You are just trying to show her your side and hopefully she will come to the conclusion that you want on her own. I think if you present the facts to her, she will come to realize that you are correct even if she may not admit it to you.
And maybe you can also consider that as long as she does not have a boyfriend and does not look like she will really get engaged anytime soon, then it may not be so bad that she thinks she is ready. Basta iniisip lang niya at hindi naman niya talaga gagawin (As long as she is just thinking about it and doesn’t actually do it), it might not be so bad.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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