A matter of child support

Dear Nanay,

I am 30-something and six months pregnant. My boyfriend of the same age left me when he found out I was pregnant. We’re now on good terms, though, after two months. He supported me financially when I was in my fourth and fifth month, though we are no longer in each other’s arms. But lately, he doesn’t get in touch with me anymore, not even showing concern for our unborn child. Before, he promised me that he would shoulder all my hospital expenses when I gave birth. Should I expect that from him? I thought of giving his surname to my child so that he would take responsibility. Tama po ba iyon, Nanay? (Is that correct?) Do I have to take legal action to ensure my child’s future? We don’t have any plans of getting married. I am just after his financial responsibilities to my son. Actually, this is already his second son. The first was with another woman that he also didn’t marry. Please help, Nanay.

M

Dear M,

The only way you can make sure that your son will get the support he deserves is if you take legal action. You may not want to do it, and it may not be the most tasteful thing to do, but it is the only sure way you have so that you do not have to rely on his “generosity.”

Maybe the best thing you can do is to talk to a lawyer first so that you know what your legal options are. Do you have to sue him or can you just sign an agreement? How strong is your case?  After you find out what your options are, then maybe you can find a way to talk to him. There is no need to tell him at first that you already talked to a lawyer para hindi naman niya isipin na ginugulangan mo siya (so he won’t think you are taking advantage of him). But at least you can find out where he stands on the issue of financial support. If he doesn’t want to talk to you, then at least you know where you stand.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Her Cousin Is Now Dating Her Teenage Sweetheart

Dear Nanay,

I love reading your column because your advice is so motherly and practical.

My question is about my cousin. We are both at the same age — 28 years old — but we grew up not really that close. We hadn’t even talked for about 15 years until last year, when she took the initiative to talk to me. Then we ended up as friends.

I met my teenage sweetheart when I was 14 years old. We had a mutual understanding for two years because my mom didn’t allow us to have a relationship. She thought we were still too young at that time. When I entered college, we lost communication. Maybe we were just too busy with our studies.

I really enjoyed my life in college with lots of friends and I even had my freedom. Eventually, I got committed to another guy but we broke up after graduation.

This year, I saw my teenage sweetheart again together with my cousin as a couple. She hid this from me, for some reason. She just smiled and that was it.

I hate myself because I feel bitter and hurt, instead of being happy for them. I always tell myself to act my age but I can’t hide my feelings from them. I feel betrayed.

I hope you can give me some advice.

Ms. Blue

Dear Ms. Blue,

What is the use of crying over spilt milk? Maghanap ka na ng iba. (Look for somebody else.)

A lot of things have happened in the 12 years since your relationship ended. You found yourself a new relationship. And so did he. It just happened to be your cousin. This is not your fault or anyone’s fault. It is just the way things go. Maybe it is just God’s will or fate that you were not meant to be together.

I think you should ask yourself why you are feeling bad. Is it because you still have feelings for him and are jealous? Parang hindi naman. (It doesn’t seem like it.) Or are you feeling bad because they kept the secret from you? If that is the case, try to understand where they are coming from. It is understandable why they were reluctant to tell you. Or maybe there really is no reason why you feel bad and it is just “one of those things.”

You were still kids when you dated. You survived 12 years without him and didn’t miss him at all. Don’t you think it is time to move on and close that chapter of your life?

Sincerely,

Nanay

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