Be busy being happier
You are one hundred percent responsible for your own happiness. Other people aren’t responsible. Your spouse isn’t. You alone are. So if you are not happy, it’s up to you to change something. It’s not up to someone else to fix it for you. — Dr. Gerald D. Bell
If you were busy being glad, and cheering people who are sad, although your heart might ache a bit, you’d soon forget to notice it. — Anonymous
The quote above is an appropriate trigger point to the methodical discussion of what happiness is all about in the book Happier, the hottest work to date of Tal Ben-Shahar, a hugely popular Harvard professor. Shahar teaches “Positive Psychology,” the most highly attended course at the revered institution to date. The book distills practical teachings into a useful mode, but only if you give time and effort to chewing on the theoretical foundations and carrying out the recommended exercises.
Positive psychology is the scientific study of human happiness and holds the instinctive appeal of raising the quality of life. It is a systematic discipline, unlike customary self-help programs that are, for the most part, based on perceptions, and sometimes, oversimplified stories.
Happier discusses the need to unlearn worn-out habits and tricks that weaken your ability to make the most out of personal happiness. It stresses the importance of living for the here and now, as well as the days ahead, and provides lessons on how to bring pleasure and purpose into your existence. The suggestions that the book pushes may sound simple and apparent, but as you leaf through the pages, you might understand the advice the book confers but have difficulty doing them even if they appear obvious. Happier also shares ideas on how to refine the elements that will make you happy and how to make them work to your full advantage.
Without a doubt, today’s economic downturn is probably making you agitated and unhappy, especially if you are one of those who lost a job or are about to lose one, got retired early or whose pay increase has been frozen. Fret not. The sample concepts below, as Happier espouses, can lighten you up or perhaps make you realize that you have blessings that need to be counted even in the most difficult circumstances.
1. Your experiences define your happiness quotient. Shahar uses what he calls the “hamburger analogy” to explain this point. An unhealthy but flavorful hamburger, for example, can bring immediate short-term pleasure but may have a differing impact on your long-term emotions. On the other hand, a repulsive, unappetizing but healthy veggie burger may yield negative feelings while you gobble it, but affords enduring values. Too often, Shahar maintains, you can bounce backward, forward and sideward between these two parallels, not determining what aspects of your earthly survival can proffer both instantaneous and gradual happiness. In other words, discovering a hamburger that is both delicious and nutritious. That may be hard, but not impossible to find.
2. Know your happiness archetype and work around it. There are four basic archetypes and each one is critical to the way you make decisions. The first one is the “hedonist” archetype, which Shahar describes as one who finds some pleasure in the good things in life — good food, good wine, good company — and yet is unable to enjoy lasting fulfillment. You are a hedonist if you adhere to the philosophy that pleasure is the most important pursuit, and that it is the only thing that is good. With this mindset, you evaluate your actions in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain they produce. Simply put, you aim for the net pleasure (pleasure minus pain) is in your undertakings.
The “rat race” archetype, Shahar defines, lives in the hope of being happy in the future, and yet is unable to enjoy the here and now. You are a rat racer if you are engaged in endless, self-defeating and pointless pursuits. You run around making a lot of brouhaha bumping into other people, but in the end achieve nothing meaningful.
“Rat race” is a term often used to describe excessive work. You see work as a means to an end, either a reward or a purpose. To illustrate, imagine yourself as never at home, spending more time at work or going to and from it. You do this in the belief that such an endeavor is essential to get a raise or a promotion, which you strongly believe will lead to happiness.
The heightened impression of work as a rat race in modern times may have led you to question your own outlook towards what you do as a living and to seek a better alternative like a more harmonious work-life balance. The long office hours, unpaid overtime, stressful requirements, time spent commuting, reduced time for family life or friends, has created a generally unhappier you, who is unable to enjoy the benefits of increased economic prosperity and a higher standard of living.
The “nihilist” archetype has completely given up on happiness. You are a nihilist if you consider that your existence is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value. You have a radical form of skepticism, and at some point even deny existence itself. Your attachment to past failures immobilizes you terribly.
If you belong to the “happiness” archetype, you subscribe to the idea that happiness is the definitive currency, which, expectedly, you want to have plenty of. You will not exchange it for anything. Money can be the great motivator to work doubly hard so you can buy the things you want or experience situations that fetch joy. Indeed, money makes the world go round, but it can also lead to misallocated uses that can bring unhappy results. Happiness is mostly dependent on your state of mind, not on the state of your bank account.
3. The intensity of happiness varies. You may be happy now and be happier or happiest at some later point. It is not preprogrammed by heredity or your condition in life. It is not an end state. You work at it. While some psychologists believe that happiness is outside of the control of the individual, Happier asserts that this simply isn’t true. It offers realistic propositions on how to chase evocative and gratifying pursuits that can meaningfully elevate your level of well-being.
Shahar explains that in order to increase happiness you should engage in rituals that can give structure to what you do — studying, pursuing a career or sustaining relationships. If you don’t have structure, you are likely to live a reactive life and just go with the flow, good or bad.
3. Work is a potential source of happiness. Two people view the same occurrence and interpret it in radically different ways. For instance, you see work as either a chore or a privilege. One of the exercises Happier introduces to dramatize this observation is rewriting your “job description” as a “job calling.” This exercise helps you focus on the meaningful and pleasurable aspects of what you’re doing.
4. Pursue work that makes you happy. You will benefit from it as much as other people. If you are happy, you generally become more generous, compassionate, and open. There is a reciprocal relationship between helping yourself and helping your fellowmen. When you help others you feel better about yourself, and in turn when you help yourself, you are more inclined to help others. This virtuous cycle is worthy of cultivating and spreading. It can make life’s burden easier to bear.
5. The power to savor a variety of activities is limited and exclusive. Shahar exemplifies this point by using what he calls the “Lasagna Principle” — things that you enjoy, such as eating lasagna, wouldn’t be enjoyable if you had it every day. It tells you to avoid being a creature of habit, to be more adventurous and to discover new things, new people, and new experiences. The other way of looking at this principle is to simplify. You may be a multi-tasking individual or somebody who can walk and chew gum at the same time, but it has its limits. It can burn you out fast and erase the big smile on your face. Realize quick that the more complex your life becomes, the more difficult it is to enjoy each moment.
6. Gratitude works. Benevolence and expressions of gratitude appear to be subtle but powerful ways to bring happiness into one’s life and to prolong it. Whenever possible, express gratitude; it doesn’t cost a lot. Want what you have, relish the positives rather than dwell on the negatives. Spirituality or any encouraging belief system and solidarity with yourself and your community play a big role in this. You must understand and appreciate that to be truly happy.
* * *
Happier is available in all National Book Store branches. Email bongosorio@yahoo.com or bong_osorio@abs-cbn.com for comments, questions or suggestions. Thank you for communicating.
