Wonder cure for mass fraud

Picture this: a "miracle" cream that can make all kinds of scars on your body disappear within weeks! You want proof? A protracted segment shows this squeaky-clean-looking (and sounding) lady showing her scar on her arm from an accident. She applies the miracle cream, supposedly over a period of several weeks, and presto! The camera splits in two, showing her arm with the scar, and the other half, purportedly the same arm, this time, without any trace of the scar. Amazing!

But wait! They’re not done yet! And this one’s for Ripley’s, too. A pair of corrugated sandals with tiny electric wires sticking out from it, and connects to a small contraption, is supposed to massage the wearer’s nerves and glands. What centuries of medical science has not been able to accomplish, this pair of flip-flops claims it can: increase the wearer’s height by several inches in just a few months.

If it weren’t so infuriating, it would make for great comedy. As it is, this qualifies as one of the greatest scams in human history, taking advantage of the power of broadcast media and the gullibility of many television viewers to peddle some of the boldest, barefaced lies since Eve lost us paradise.

I’m talking, of course, about these so-called infomercials that are now a popular moneymaking filler for TV channels with nothing better to show. These shrewdly crafted TV commercials take advantage of the viewer’s weaknesses by constantly, repetitively, and incessantly repeating the same mantra of promises. They parade professional-looking endorsers to promote their products – doctors, scientists, athletes – you name it, they’ve got someone with the proper letters attached to their names to back their claims.

Then there are those magical pills that are being sold as cure-alls for all kinds of diseases. These assortment of tablets, capsules and potions promise anything, from growing your hair back to turning your skin smooth and fair-skinned, from curing you of your gout, liver disease and ingrown toenails to rejuvenating your drooping sex drive, or whatever else might be drooping in your life.

There are many forms of these infomercials invading the airwaves – from television’s shopping-on-air programs to radio programs touting the latest trends in "natural" or "herbal" supplements. And believe you me, these companies are making a killing, both in the tills and, most likely, in the number of gullible patients who have had to forego medical treatment in lieu of these products that promised to cure them of cancer, or even of AIDS.

I certainly have no quarrel with new discoveries in the way of natural or herbal medicines – if they are found to be truly efficacious. The benefits of virgin coconut oil seem to be on every diabetic’s, rheumatic’s arthritic’s, and all other -tics’ minds these days, what with the endless barrage of testimonials and endorsers swearing by the wonderful effects of this new and not-so-new elixir. I have no doubt that VCO, as it is now popularly called, may come in handy for me one of these days.

I suppose I shouldn’t be too bothered about the proliferation of these infomercials, really. As a democratic and capitalist state, people are supposed to be making responsible choices. Mr. P. T. Barnum has been proven right every time: a sucker, or two, indeed, is born every minute.

If these infomercials were trading a bunch of lies, why hasn’t anyone done anything to stop them from ripping off the gullible audience? Isn’t there any government agency or institution that is supposed to be monitoring and checking on their claims? What happened to truth in advertising?

Good questions, all of them. Although, technically, these infomercials get away with it because, if you look and listen close enough to what they’re saying or claiming, they’re really not claiming anything that is fool-proof, or they might be saying it in such a way that there’s always a loophole somewhere.

Consider the claims of these weight-loss machines. They don’t outright say "use this super gut-reducer and lose 20 pounds." Instead, they say: "using this super gut-reducer together with a low-calorie diet can make you lose 20 pounds."

In the case of health supplements and purported cures for various diseases and ailments, they get away by claiming, precisely that: these products are food supplements, not medicines. For as long as they do not claim to be medicines, they do not need to be certified or approved by the government.

These manufacturers and marketers peddling these infomercials are really raking it in, and many of the hapless, guileless audiences are parting with their hard-earned pesos in exchange for empty promises. How do we rectify the situation? Government seems unable to do anything. Media outlets say they cannot control content of block-timers, and consumerist groups are unable to exert enough pressure on the purveyors, the outlets, nor the state.

The most vulnerable among us are those who stay home and watch these darn infomercials – vain singles, housewives, lonely widows and widowers, homely and problematic teenagers and young adults, and guilt-filled matrons who wish to regain some of their youth. In other words, that’s most of us. Fortunately for us, we have our own antidote for scams such as this: we can all tune them out by changing channels on the remote.

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E-mail bongo@vasia.com or bongo@campaignsandgrey.net for comments, questions or suggestions. Thank you for communicating.