Throwing anger away

For the first time in two years, I decided to revisit a commercial cinema house to watch Anger Management, a comedy feature that stars Adam Sandler as Dave Buznik, a guy who works hard at his job as a clerk and who can’t seem to commit to his girlfriend essayed by Marisa Tomei. Buznik is generally a non-confrontational person, until his behavior on a plane ride is mistaken as belligerent. Because of this aggressiveness, he is sentenced by Judge Daniels to attend an anger management class taught by Dr. Buddy Rydell played by Jack Nicholson. Filled with a bizarre mix of angry individuals – a crazed vixen with a weight problem and a transsexual hooker among others – the class escalates Dave’s anger rather than fulfill its primary intent of managing it.

The pugnacious behavior of Buznik results in a second visit to Judge Daniel’s courtroom. As he is about to be sentenced to serve a jail term, Buznik was rescued in the nick of time by Rydell’s second plea to the judge, and his offer of a more intensive therapy. Rydell moves in with Buznik where he takes control of his home and his personal life. As the odd housemates battle over every single aspect of Buznik’s life, the embattled clerk is forced to confront and deal with issues he didn’t even realize he had.

Anger Can Kill

Generally, the movie provides a caricature of anger, one of the worst of human emotions that ranges from a fleeting annoyance to a full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal act, and is usually considered a healthy behavior. But when it gets out of hand and turns destructive, it can bring untold problems – at our offices and businesses, in our personal relationships, and in the overall quality of our lives.

Medical research has proven that anger can, quite literally, kill us. When our anger rises, our adrenaline flows, our heart rate increases, our blood pressure shoots up, our sweat glands open up and pour, our energy hormones rages and our rational thinking shuts down. Whether caused by circumstances beyond our control or by own actions, our anger can kill our chances of making things go right unless we learn how to "throw it away."

Have We Become An Angry Race?

How do Filipinos figure in the anger scale? In the absence of any scientific data, and based merely on physical observation, we can say that we have become a nation whose collective mood has gone angry. Look at our streets and highways, our workplaces, and even our homes, and we can sadly conclude that common courtesy has been forsaken.

We are not as nice as we used to be. We are impatient, rude, and demanding. We are in a huff and in a hurry. We don’t want to wait in line. We want to be ahead of everybody else, we don’t want to cooperate, and we don’t want to be inconvenienced by anyone and anything. We want to have our way and we want it now, like a bunch of spoiled kids, demanding the lion’s share of whatever there is to be had. There is open hostility. People are cranky, out of control, and scornful.

These lead us to ask – are we still the happiest, "smilingest" race in Asia, or is the "anger epidemic" pervading our milieu so fast, breaking down our renowned charm and hospitality? We don’t have the answers right now, but if we are not able to provide the antidote to the contagion, expect an escalation of children, adults, politicians, business people, and even religious leaders lashing out, and ventilating a disturbing state of exasperation.

Born To Fail

There are four sources of anger that a lot of us can personally relate to. Author Emmet Murphy shares some of his insights on these spot-on origins. First is the feeling, early on in life, that we were "born to fail," and that life has dealt us an unfair hand by virtue of race, color creed, poverty or a mental or physical disadvantage. Maybe our parents could not afford to send us to the best university, or perhaps a disability prevented us from doing what others do naturally.

Under such circumstances, we may think that we have every right to feel angry. Despite these feelings however, we can pick a different road to travel. Rather than indulge our disappointment and ire, snapping at others even under the slightest of provocation, or getting our feelings entombed inside us, and letting them aggravate, we can move forward with a positive attitude. In essence, we can allow our anger to take control of our lives, or we can choose to take control of our anger.

When Lightning Strikes

A second source of anger is when "lightning strikes." Or when an unexpected challenge gets in the way of our ambitions and desires, which can come in the form of an accident, a natural catastrophe or the deliberate malice of a foe. When it does, we usually find our courage tested by a sudden change in our lives that we have no control over. The resulting feelings of powerlessness can quickly turn to rage. We should not compound our misfortune by adding the fuel of anger to the flames. It may result to a bigger crisis. When lightning strikes, bear in mind that two wrongs don’t make a right, two negatives never add up to a positive.

Mistakes Test Character

Making an honest mistake, or doing something foolish is a third source. But getting mad at ourselves when we screw up is only human. After all, we can’t blame just anybody when we make a mistake. The responsibility rests squarely and heavily upon our shoulders. We may be disappointed and resentful, or indulge in self-pity and self-hatred, but these will not help us set things right. In fact, they may bring us bigger problems, and worse, deadlier outrage. Failure can teach us more than success because mistakes test our character, but denying our foul-ups dooms us to repeating them. We must define every mistake we make as an opportunity to learn and to grow.

Turning The Other Cheek

Betrayal, in any form, is the fourth source of anger. It can make anyone see red. We should react to betrayal, not with a mindset of an "eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth," but with a resolve to move forward unaffected by the treachery. Tough act, but it can surely protect our lives from further ruin. Betrayal can cause us to commit vengeful acts us or to distrust people. It’s a tougher act, when someone slaps us in the face, we’ll gain more by turning the other cheek than we ever will by multiplying the negative emotions surrounding a betrayal.

There were a few times I chuckled watching Anger Management, but more than anything else, it made me think more about such unpopular emotions as rage and hatred, and how they can be turned into positive energies, and increase richness in other aspects of our personal and professional lives.

Hate is just a feeling. If its origins are fully explored, it will go away.

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E-mail bongo@vasia.com or bongo@campaigns andgrey.net for comments/suggestions.