Dare to dream, dare to fall
March 17, 2003 | 12:00am
It is graduation season once again. Allow me to wear my professorial hat, share my personal reflections on this auspicious period, and offer this heartfelt epistle to Class of 2003.
Life is all about choices born out of dreams.
I remember the dreams that my parents, for instance, did not realize, the choices they did not have the opportunity to make. And I know that my grandparents on both sides – would also have dreamt of becoming not what they have been, but did not have the choice to do so.
Despite hardships in my young life, I am grateful that my parents told me early on that I had choices, and these choices come out in dreams. They pretended to be strict in my growing-up years, but they managed to raise a son who was never told there was something he could not do.
Choice is a powerful notion. Its definition has become polluted in recent years, wrapped up in contentious battles over issues that make one choose between two extremes, where all things are argued in stark black and white. I have learned, and most of you are probably discovering, that almost everything in life is painted in shades of gray.
I have experienced making the right and wrong choices. I feel heavenly whenever I make a difference in the choices I make. And I get overwhelmed when the choices lead to crisis. But when these wrong choices start to wear me down, I just remember one thing – that the Chinese word for crisis is composed of two picture characters, one for the word "danger" and the one for the word "opportunity."
You and I live in difficult and dangerous times. We face bewildering challenges in the years ahead. But these are also times of great possibilities and opportunities. We have the knowledge and resources to create a better world, and we can muster the will to do it. We have the courage to throw off our blinders and set aside our fears.
We continuously face the most staggering array of choices. And we realize that we should not underestimate their range. The unhappiest people we meet have become the way they are because they have imposed artificial limits on their lives.
We must always tell ourselves – take every choice that is offered to us. Have as much fun as we can, when we can. Dare to dream. Dare to fail. Dare to make a few mistakes along the way. Dare to reach out our hands into the darkness, to pull other hands into the light.
We must not shrink from the dreams. We must not shrink from the choices. We must not recoil from life.
You will survive. The waves of self-doubt and fear you have been suffering from and will continue to be incapacitated for weeks, even months – though I believe not years – is called post college depression. Don’t panic. You are not alone. I went through the same period of anxiety after graduation.
• Prepare for the standard grilling. Expect your parents to ask you, "What do you plan to do with the rest of your life?" Don’t hyperventilate. Take a deep breath, and accept that this is the first in a series of queries they will soon be asking you. The next two questions up without a doubt are, "When are you going to get married?" quickly dovetailed by, "When are you going to have children?"
• Be ready to fail. It is a fact of life. Don’t be afraid to bite the dust. There are plenty of second, third, and countless chances to change partners, careers, employers, cities, and countries. What is important is you fail fast and fix fast. There should be no room for overextended brooding, crying, and depressing states. Remember, "if at first you don’t succeed, you are running about average." Sometimes in the process of setting up many expectations for yourself, you declare yourself a failure before even starting.
• Stand up and be counted. It is every person’s world – man, woman or the in between – you are going into. Express your opinions, contribute ideas, roll up your sleeves, and play to win. These will make a better workplace for all of us. Sitting on the sidelines, playing the part of a meek, passive, and uninvolved individual, will make you very frustrated, when you hear your brilliant ideas expressed by someone else.
• Commit to service. Realize what responsibility each one has for the larger society, and meditate what the Latin motto "Not to be ministered unto, but to minister" actually means. Playwright and later the first freely elected president of Czechoslovakia, Vaclav Havel, offers a very eloquent explanation: "Only by looking outward, by caring for things that, in terms of pure survival, you need not bother with at all, and by throwing yourself over and over again into the tumult of the world with the intention of making your voice count, only thus will you really become a person."
• Get a real life. Don’t make work an obsession. Climbing the corporate ladder does not mean you have to be a one-dimensional person. Find a hobby, engage in a sport, do volunteer work, get involved in advocacy work, take a yoga class, enroll in a creative writing class, teach on the side, pick up an aerobike schedule or a jazz dance class.
• Learn to balance a checkbook. You will probably splurge your first three months’ salary. But start to save on your fourth. Avoid adopting a lifestyle beyond your means. Credit cards are easy to have, but be wary of the temptations of overspending, lest you get trapped in a revolving credit payment mode that can task your paychecks. Early on, secure a mutual fund, and enroll in a retirement program.
• Don’t try to be an overnight sensation at work. Try practicing strategic humility. Don’t pretend to know more about something than you really do. Listen and learn from others. You will become a better person that way.
• Keep a journal. It is your witness to daily living. Ultimately, writing for and about oneself, and using the journal to find the way in, is one of the best ways both to pay attention to your life, your thoughts, your beliefs, and your emotions. It also deepens the experience of living your life in the present moment.
• Avoid personal labeling. Don’t apologize for not having a career or not being attached or married, not having children, not staying married, or being engaged in new-age relationships. These are choices – be comfortable with, and responsible for them. Never, never let your life be defined by other people’s labels.
• Don’t feel you have to be the compleat person. The consensus of most is that being the total person is too exhausting, and you don’t really enjoy life while you are juggling all those balls in the air. Find a niche, and make every effort to shine in it.
• Spend time with your families. Life is short, and you will soon find out that your parents, sisters, brothers, cousins are actually interesting, unselfish, loving and caring people, and are also your best friends in life. Nurture them, for they will take care of you in your trying times.
• B.Y.O.B. Be Your Own Boss, if you have the means, the drive, and the predisposition to be so. Maybe what this country needs is a "culture of entrepreneurship," where students step out of college devoid of the mindset to join "dream companies," but to start businesses that can create jobs, provide venues for manpower training, and eventually contribute to national prosperity.
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