Easy steps to healing

Two years ago, my mom gave me this small book, Easy Steps to Healing, Repairing Body and Soul. It has helped me throughout trying times in my life. It has encouraged me and made me realize that healing can only take place when you first seek to understand yourself.

When we are hurt or depressed, we think no one understands–but someone does. And we should not forget that change and renewal are within us. We need to know that.

Here are some steps to healing that have touched my heart:

• Gaze at a star-lit sky

A star-studded sky is a magical sight. Light emerges from darkness, yet without darkness the star is indistinguishable. A star-lit sky symbolizes possibilities. Its vastness puts your own life, your own problems into perspective. Its beauty inspires.

• Watch trees on a windy day

Small branches bend and twist, moving in the directions the wind wants to take them. The trunk of the tree stands firm and allows the wind to slide around and past it. There is a dance between the wind and the tree. They know the part each must play and the pattern of their union. There is no fighting, no resistance.

• Move on

You are a traveler of life. Along the road, there are detours that force you to take another direction. There are small bumps and huge hurdles. As you come to the detours, bumps and hurdles, remind yourself to look beyond them. Move on. Don’t become paralyzed by the "difficulty" you see before you.

• Write a new script

Your mind has a script for living. Everyday, you follow the words of your script, whether you are aware of it or not. You think things happen to you but in reality, it is you who make things happen according to your script. Take time to listen to the thought patterns you live by and rewrite the scripts that no longer benefit you.

• Watch a child play

You might be tempted to join. Have you forgotten the simple pleasures of play? Remind yourself. Don’t think you’re too "adult" to play. Begin by building a sand castle. Allow yourself. Play is instinctive. It’s all about joy and laughter. You can’t worry and play. Nor can you play and remain downhearted. Play is naturally uplifting.

• Give yourself a present

The present doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t even have to cost money. But it must be something you’d like. Giving to yourself isn’t selfish or indulgent. Forget that critical self-talk. Remember that giving to anyone, including yourself, is nourishing. It fills the empty well.

• Be grateful

Be grateful for what you have without thinking of what you might have. Be grateful for who you are without thinking of who you might be. You are unique and incomparable. Find the gift you have to share.

• Be creative

"Oh no!" you say. "I’ve never painted a thing in my life." Creativity is so much more than painting; it is a necessity for life and living. It’s the act of bringing anything into being through the power of your mind and imagination. Self-expression is the result of creativity.

• Don’t expect so much

When you expect a lot from yourself and others, you make the going so hard. Expectations are works of your own making. They make you judgmental and sap your confidence. How can you live with joy when you’re weighed down by unrealistic standards?

• Remove yourself...

... from a stressful situation so you have time to recover, evaluate and understand. Sometimes it will be impossible to physically leave a situation. At such times remove yourself mentally. Concentrate on a beautiful or secure scene or repeat an affirming thought.

• This, too, will pass

Make this your prayer, song or affirmation. Repeat it, write it, pray it, remember it, visualize it. Know that your circumstances change and that what is unbearable now might be the making of you. Bless the situation for whatever it has to teach you about life. Learn graciously.

• Be vulnerable

You might think that by being vulnerable you allow others to hurt you, but the opposite is true. By being vulnerable, you invite support from others. You show you are human, you are not perfect. You reveal yourself so that others may better understand and respect your whole being.

• Put your hands in the earth

By doing this you literally become "earthed." Gardens will tell you of the peace and joy they find digging amongst living, growing things.

The earth gives you a sense of proportion. It helps you to accept what is. Everything has a pattern, a rhythm, a flow. Get in touch with these things.

• Flowers for the house

Small changes can make a difference. Making time for an activity such as this will get you off life’s treadmill for a short while.

Bring color and beauty into your surroundings. Put your heart and attention into choosing and then arranging the flowers. Your mood will automatically lift.

• Take comfort

Comfort is what makes you feel more at ease. Comfort is a hot-water bottle, a bowl of soup, teddy bears, balloons, hugs, cuddles, a blanket, music. At times, every adult has a hurt and fearful, lost and lonely child inside.

• Name your emotion

Discover what’s behind your present feeling. Draw an emotional map. Behind anger lies hurt, behind hurt lies an expectation, behind expectation lies a belief, behind a belief there is an origin. Trace your belief back to its origin. Decide whether you want to change your belief. Then you can change your emotion.

• Walk away

Don’t be afraid to walk away from a confrontation. You’re not a coward. Sometimes disengagement is appropriate, particularly when emotions are running high. Every situation is different. It’s helpful to tell the person before you leave that now is not the time to discuss the matter, that you’ll talk when you’ve both calmed down.

• Listen

Do you hear what your "opponent" has to say or are you concerned with your next sentence? If the latter is the case, you won’t move from your belief in the rightness of your position. Because you don’t listen, you’re inclined to misinterpret. If you’re too busy following the line of your own argument, you’ve lost your way. It won’t advance you. It will only entrench you. Listen and learn.

• Take a risk

Do something you’ve never done before. Say what you’ve never dared to say. Taking a risk encourages you to become more flexible. Each time you take a risk, you rehearse a feeling of fearlessness that becomes stronger each time it is felt. Surrender the known to the unknown.

• One step at a time

The way up from way down requires you to take one step at a time. As in the saying "You can’t run before you can walk," remember that no one achieves miracles overnight; one piece of knowledge comes on the back of another. If you’re down, make the smallest step the beginning of your way up. Only then look for the next step and nothing will daunt you.

The above are just among the many easy steps to healing. I promise to give you more in my next articles.

We don’t need to make far-reaching plans, only small practical steps, small changes in attitude. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the most effective because they are the most accessible.

Healing can only take place when we seek to understand ourselves. Have courage and strength and believe you can do something about your problem. Stop making it someone else’s responsibility. Have faith that you will receive the help and support you need.

Miracles begin in small ways. Take the first step and everything else will fall in place. Take that first step. Don’t be afraid.

(E-mail me at babyjackster@yahoo.com)