Tight jeans, rabid teens, and the One Direction infection

MANILA, Philippines - Just when you’ve finally accepted that Justin Bieber and his horde of zealot fans are here to stay, the latest craze in tween music decides to cross the pond and invade America—and in effect, the world. They call themselves One Direction, and their skinny jeans and clipped accents make hoodies and sideswept bangs look so two years ago.

But unless you’re an indiscriminate X-Factor fan, below eighteen, and/or female, you’re probably clueless about how this new breed of British boy band came to be.

Fear not, average citizen. We present, for your perusal, a way to avoid being dubbed a total dweeb (and, God forbid, “old”) by the fanatical young females in your life.