What your Halloween costume says about you
MANILA, Philippines - For Halloween, my best friend and I are thinking of going — as per usual — nearly naked. It’s tradition. And we’re not just talking All Hallow’s Eve here.
Every Friday night is fright night — a weekly session where we’ve come to terrorize the good people of Makati Avenue; muk’d up à la tranny, the cold wind nipping at our fannies: tops as dresses, brassieres as tops, panties as pants… Really, should you expect anything more? We’re hoping people will get the joke (and our perma-peg) and say, “Hey, did you come dressed as skeletons?” Then we’ll blush with Orgasm and make kissy faces at Lady Danger, swipe drinks from the waitstaff, and toast to our uncertain futures. We’ll slip in a canapé when offered — just ‘cause it’s the polite thing to do. “Thanks, you kind of lost weight too!”
But for the rest of our generation — for whom dressing up like a raunchy sailor/schoolgirl/nurse/(insert normally respectable profession here), is an annual event — here’s how to send the wrong signals, at the right time.
Halloween is a time to be hollow. There must be something missing: your pants, your top, half of your better judgment.
The Gladiator
Ever since that 300 movie came out, boys have been angrily pointing to pictures of Gerard Butler when working with their gym trainers. You know the one. Eyebrows furrowed, loincloth flapping in the wind, mouth agape and screaming, abs just as tense. Last year, the partners at my favorite Makati Ave stomping ground even decided to have a go at this theme, with special thanks to SM Department Store for the muscle makeup and low-thread count blankets. Such a statement-making costume is the Octoberian equivalent of a long-strategized trip to Boracay. It basically says, “I haven’t had a beer in days, but tonight, we dine in hell!” If only for the opportunity to show you his six-pack — over a six-pack — this is the guy who will pay for your drinks. Keep him close.
Cleric
All dawgs go to heaven. Including this dude, with his Seventh Heaven styling and side-parted hair. Think Ed Norton in Keeping The Faith — an easy-enough-to-emulate look of black pants, black shoes, a black shirt, and a white square right on the collar. You could also go full priest with a white gown on top, playing even more with the idea of the good and the forbidden. Like the beginnings of all great trysts, you want what you shouldn’t have. This costume sells a boy in that light, bringing forth desirability by showing off a good-boy side — while inevitably raising the question of what lies beneath. So quite counter-intuitively, the naked guy actually seems to be the lesser evil. This one is obviously a tease.
Zombie/Vampire
“Has anyone ever told you you look like that dude from Twilight?” There’s actually a guy going around Manila with that very chip on his shoulder. I’m not sure who got it into his head that his bloodshot eyes, pasty complexion and semi-cleft chin earn him comparisons to Pattinson, but he skulks around Republiq with a scarf and trench, and a matching glass of scotch like it’s cold inside. It’s a sign of the times, this identification with the undead. Zombies and vampires have flooded popular literature of late, in what is probably a testament to the world’s current obsession with youth, and with living forever — albeit with no real end, and thus no real sense of purpose. Plus the freaky contacts and bloodied prosthetics look way cool. Mmmyeah, that’s probably it…
Superhero
This is for the people who like to wear their underwear on the outside. Your life is an open booking. If you’re a boy, this must mean you are comfortable with meggings. (Man leggings.) If you’re a girl, on the other hand, you’re probably the kind of babe who’s well acquainted with pasties. Only reach for these outfits if you have the superhuman skills to avoid wardrobe malfunctions, or in the absence of that, maybe a god complex. In fact, make that a God’s Gift complex. If you don’t mind wearing stars on your hoo-has, or a bright red Speedo, then it’s always been you, already.
Risqué Popstar
Let’s all just come out and say it. No talk of costumes would be complete without making mention of Lady Gaga. Often in a tanga bodysuit — either to concerts, or to lunch — Lady Gaga has the emperor’s bewilderment down pat. Nonchalantly naked and, well, gaga, the girl has the kind of attitude that any trick-or-treater should take to heart: if, before stepping out of your house, you’re suddenly feeling insecure, think back to that stage-fright-busting technique that your teachers always whipped out in school. “It’s f-i-n-e… Just pretend like you’re in a room full of naked people.” Chances are, you probably will be.
French Maid
Halloween is a time to be hollow. There must be something missing: your pants, your top, half of your better judgment... Juxtaposed with the addition of something that tries to make up for the nudity, something that normally shouldn’t be there: a mask, an apron… a pair of thigh-high stockings. That being said, I would never call the girl who wears this out to Halloween a tease. In fact, she’s very straightforward. Not as challenging, and they’re a dime a dozen. You’ll get what you pay for.
