'How do I convince my parents that I can be independent?'

Dear Mai Mai, China And Tingting,

I am 14 years old, a second-year high school student at a private school not in Manila. Two more years and I will be in college and I’d like to study in Manila. I asked my parents and they said no. They want me to stay with the family in the province. My classmates and I have been discussing our choices and many of them are taking entrance exams in Manila schools. How come my parents don’t want to allow me? How can I convince them? I want to try being away and independent. Besides, aren’t there more work opportunities in the city?

Probinsyana

They are protecting you — that’s why they don’t want you in Manila. They want you to be under their watchful eyes… and who can blame them? They probably know that Manila life is tough. Traffic, for one, is terrible. If your travel time from your home to your school is 10 minutes, you’d be surprised at how much time it would take you to cross the street safely here. I’m sure you don’t have that problem where you live now. And how about the people? There are a lot of different characters here. It’s the melting pot, after all. Yes, you’ll find many good people but there are opportunists, too. Would you be able to differentiate them? Are you a good judge of character? Those are just a couple of the problems. However, if you really want a challenge and some independence, then by all means try to convince them. While I’m sure there are good schools there, there’s nothing like having a reputable Manila college listed on your résumé. Yes, I believe there are more jobs here and most of the multinational companies are based in Manila. You can use those as talking points.

China

It’s the age. By the time you will be in college, you’ll be 16 or 17. If you’re not used to independence, that age is probably not the right time to be there. Your parents know you very well and they probably think you’re not strong enough to be in Manila alone. Trust their judgment. Being in Manila is really difficult. Being alone in a strange place at the crossroads of your life will even be more difficult for you. Unless you have a close relative your parents can entrust you with, I think you’ll have a difficult time convincing them. Still, if you are adamant about the move, then you have two years to prove your worth to them. Are you mature enough? Can you be trusted to be alone? Don’t you need the normal follow-ups teenagers usually need? Are you responsible enough? These are just a few questions you need to answer. Even if you do end up with a relative, your parents will want to be sure you won’t be a burden.

Maimai

If I were your mother, I would really be fearful of sending you to college in Manila. At 16 years old, you’re so young and impressionable and I’m sorry, but I understand your parent’s concerns. Yes, there are more work opportunities in the city simply because it is the business and government center of the country. This doesn’t mean to say there are no opportunities available for you in your province. For all we know, because everyone else believes Manila is the best place to be, many jobs in the province are not being filled by able people. Can I suggest you listen to your parents first? You’re in a private school now. I’m sure there are also good colleges you can choose from in your province. Why don’t you seriously consider them first? Don’t be swayed by peer pressure. Kids are different. Some can take the separation, others cannot. The same with parents — some can take it, while others can’t. It doesn’t mean yours don’t want the best for you. Besides, the time to decide isn’t here yet. Anything can happen in two years. They may still change their minds. And you might change yours, too.

Tingting