Thumbs down to ‘bottoms up’

Hi Marc,

I don’t drink and neither do I smoke. Problem is, well, I think this is my problem.

You see, aside from the fact that I loathe and scoff at smoking and that I simply dislike the taste of most alcoholic drinks, I was an athlete for the women’s track and field varsity team back in college. It was expected of us to stay clear of those substances especially towards competition season as it would negatively impact performance.

Until now, I still carry the same discipline despite my not being part of the team anymore. Right now I’m going through a transition towards becoming a triathlete. This gives me some excuse to decline a stick or a shot. But the truth is, even after the competition season is over and even if let’s say, I wasn’t into sports at all, if I had a choice, I’d still choose to decline.

In a way I’m thankful I’m female because there’s an understanding that it’s in bad taste for a lady to smoke or drink too much.

But why smoke or drink at all? Forgive me if that question sounded so naïve. I just find myself asking it over and over again. How is this so-called "social drinking" done?

I read an article once where you said you didn’t drink. Could you help me and give me ways to decline a smoke or a drink without being a bore and kill joy?

Sober As Hell

Wow! A fellow teetotaler! We’re a bit of a rare breed, but it certainly doesn’t make us social rejects (I hope). Unlike you however, I did drink socially back when I was a teenager, but at around 18 or 19, I realized it tended to make me a bit sleepy and I didn’t really enjoy it that much anyway, so I quit. Oddly enough, this coincided with my starting to work as a bartender in clubs and restaurants, and I must say, nothing makes the boss happier than knowing he’s got a bartender who isn’t going to drink all the night’s profits!

Since then, I’ve only really had a drink on special occasions, such as birthdays or despedidas. In those cases (and only if the celebrant really, really wants me to), I may have one drink or one shot. My tolerance now is so low that even that one shot can give me a little buzz already. Pathetic, isn’t it? I daresay if you ever had a drink you’d be much the same.

However, on a regular night out, I usually settle for water, iced tea or juice. I do know exactly how you feel though, as so many of my friends will try and force-feed me alcohol when they see me with an iced tea. What it really comes down to is sticking to your guns and explaining why you don’t drink. My excuse (which is also the truth), is that it makes me sleepy, and that’s the last thing I want when I’m out on the town with friends! In your case, the "in training" excuse seems to have worked alright so far, but as you said, you may need to come up with something new during the off season or if you ever decide to stop sports (although I personally think you should keep up with the sports).

People who have had a couple of drinks and are having a good time have trouble understanding why other people don’t want to be in the same state of mind as they are. In a way, they are pressuring you because they want you to have a good time as well, and they think it would be easier if you were a bit tipsy. It may also be partly a curiosity factor for them. They’ve never seen you drink, and are therefore curious to know how differently you’d behave if you had one. However if they are real friends, then they should understand that you’re not a drinker and not try to force the issue too much.

I have nothing against drinking in moderation, and the majority of my friends out there do drink on occasion, but not to get completely out of their brain wasted. OK… perhaps once in a while a couple of them might get really off their face, but that’s another great reason to stay sober… and bring a camera! Over the years I seem to have gathered quite a collection of photos of my close friends in various states of drunkenness. Passed out on the bonnet of my car, asleep halfway through a garden hedge, making a really disgusting mess on the beach at 2 a.m. (I won’t go into too many sordid details), etc. Apart from the fact that it’s great fun showing these pics at the next barkada get-together, it is also a nice reminder of why you shouldn’t get too drunk (or in our case, to drink at all!).

However, drinking water can sometimes carry its own stigma. I remember when the whole rave scene was really big a couple of years ago. Anyone who went around carrying a bottle of water was automatically assumed as being a part-"E"-er. You’d be surprised how many people used to ask if I was "rolling". I had to explain that I’d been drinking water instead of alcohol for years before the whole part-E scene even hit Philippine shores, and could they please look into my eyes and notice that they are in fact not dilated. I was sober in every sense of the word and just really preferred water over alcohol.

The smoking thing seems to be less of an issue nowadays what with the new law regarding smoking inside clubs and other places (around Makati at least). True, it means that the majority of people now hang around outside, but at least if you’re dancing the night away inside you’re not coughing your guts up on someone else’s cigarette smoke. Also, there usually isn’t as much peer pressure on you to smoke as there is with drinking. Just because someone is enjoying a smoke, it doesn’t drive them to want you to enjoy a smoke with them in the same way drinking does. Most of the smoking kind of peer pressure happened in high school where some people made it the "cool" thing to do. Hmm, lower my lifespan, turn my lungs into an ashtray, increase my risk of cancer while at the same time get stained teeth, bad breath and smelly clothes? Yep. Sure sounds pretty cool to me. Suffice it to say, I gave up trying to conform to smoking peer pressure pretty quick. Nowadays I will give my friends a bit of a hard time about their smoking, but in a joking sort of way. It’s their life, and they know the risks, so the only consideration I ask is that they don’t smoke in my house or car (it does kind of stink up the place and gives me a bit of a headache sometimes).

As a girl, it’s true that you have a slightly easier time as your friends won’t try and pressure you with the "macho" drinking and smoking mentality (you know, when Mr. Testosterone dares you to "be a man and have a drink you big wussie!"). However, your girlfriends can sometimes be just as annoying. Especially when they think you might need a bit of "Dutch courage" to get over your inhibitions a little, whether it be to get on the dance floor or chat to that guy who’s been eyeing you all night. The best way of proving to them that you don’t need it is by doing those things without alcohol anyway. Show them that you can have a great time and last the night completely sober. My friends were surprised at first that I could have a great time and party till the sun came up on certain nights and not touch a drop of alcohol, but after a while, they got used to it and stopped trying to make me drink. Maybe this could work for you too. A lot of people feel they need that extra little alcoholic kick or excuse to open up and have a good time, but if you can prove that you don’t need it, your friends should accept you sober and all. An added bonus for them is that they know that you’ll be in a sane state of mind to stop them from going over the edge or doing something they shouldn’t when they’re drunk, plus they always have a designated driver to get them home safely.

And if all else fails and people still get on your case, try asking the bartender for your 7-Up in a short glass with ice and a cherry. That way everyone will think you’re drinking a vodka-7 and leave you alone. Heck, they’ll probably be too tipsy to notice anyway. Good luck and never feel the need to give into peer pressure on anything you don’t want to do!

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