Woulda, shoulda, coulda

Maybe. We all, at one point in our lives have looked back, muttering "maybe this... maybe that... maybe not..." Maybe if I had gotten my hair cut short. Maybe if I had been more available. Maybe I’ve given too much. Maybe I’ve given too little. Or maybe I had not given at all. Maybe if I had worn that dress or those stilettos he would have noticed. Maybe.

We all spend a substantial fraction of our lives going around in circles thinking of a truckload of what-might-have-beens or what-could-have-beens, what-ifs or, in a word, maybes. Guilty of doing what we thought was the "right" thing to do instead of what we wanted to do, doing what we wanted to do instead of what the "right" thing was. We all have regrets. This world is infested with regrets and maybes. And our lives are painfully and pathetically governed by memories we desperately look back at and remorsefully think about.

The year 2003 was filled with the usual heartaches, beatings of the mind, incurable illnesses, mishaps and embarrassments. Well, what else is new if I may ask? 2002 and 2001 were no different.

For some odd reason, humans are just so guilty of repeating what has already been done, addicted to making the same mistakes, pretending to be oblivious to the obvious repercussions of their past actions. On and on, year after year, when talking about mistakes and what has been, I hear people say "No regrets", as if it were the most normal thing on earth. As if saying, "Next in line, please." I can never bring myself to thinking why people say that. How can you not have any regrets? And how can you stop yourself from regretting a mistake! Something you never even planned. I, for a fact, have had a myriad of mistakes in 2003. Funny how these little wrong steps are sort of like baby steps towards a giant leap to the new year, and to a fresh start.

For me, 2004 is a clean slate. It’s a "Hey, it’s a new year! Try not to screw up this time OK?" type of welcome. I have made too many mistakes in the past. Ghosts of long ago still haunt me. I know I’ve made mistakes I dread to repeat. I’ve made wrong turns that I do not wish to ever look back at. There are regrets that I just have to live with.

Clairvoyants or psychic wannabes pretend to be able to predict future events. Heaven knows if they’re hoaxes or not. But here’s my load up on the year to come. There will be regrets along the way. 2004 could turn out to be another year of the same. Once again, it will be a roller-coaster ride of scandals, mishaps, mistakes and jubilations. Wrong steps will again be taken, new lessons to be learned and errors to be accepted. Nothing new, nothing new. But I’m all set for it. Bring it on.

We’ll see what others make of this new year. Who said Madame Auring had the monopoly in predictions for 2004? Till next week.