Worldly women, anyone?
August 29, 2003 | 12:00am
Hi Marc,
I am Ailene, 23 years old and a resident of Laguna. Why is it that a lot of guys nowadays are after liberated females? Aren’t they interested anymore in girls who are conservative? I wonder what’s gotten into them.
Ailene
Well, considering you’re a girl, thanks for the vote of confidence in a guy’s ability to give advice. Let’s take a look at a guy’s (well, this guy at least) point of view. Why are guys going after liberated girls nowadays? I think there are a few reasons, and one of them lies in the changing attitudes of the girls themselves.
I’ve been here for a few years now, and I’ve seen an amazing change in the Filipina in such a short time! When I arrived, the majority of girls were a lot more shy and conservative. Most didn’t really go out, would often let the guy make the decisions for them and generally seemed very sweet, but somewhat confined and naive. Now, however, the girls (particularly here in Manila) have transformed themselves. With the influence of media like cable TV (Sex and the City is a heck of an eye-opener!) and women’s magazines (gotta love the Cosmo girl attitude), the Filipina is now a lot more confident about what she wants and who she is. She is more outgoing, no longer afraid to go out for a night on the town with her friends when she may have been content with staying at home while the boyfriend/husband went out with his buddies before. Not only that, but the Filipina has become even more attractive over the years. Some of this stems from beauty and fashion magazines, products and overseas influence (girls nowadays really know how to dress!), but a lot of it comes from their assurance of their own beauty and ability to look good. Once again, confidence.
With this confidence, girls nowadays have been strong enough to really believe in equality in all aspects of life. OK, so admittedly there is still generations worth of male-dominated societal opinion to wade through, but the spark is there. That spark has managed to manifest itself in a more liberated outlook on life and a woman’s feeling of self-worth. If a girl has an opinion, she’s now less afraid to express it. If she wants to be a hard-nosed corporate businesswoman, then she goes for it. And if she wants to dictate the terms of her relationship, then that’s her prerogative (although it’s sometimes tricky for her to find a guy who will agree).
One of the reasons guys seem to be going for more liberated girls now is because statistically, there are a lot more of them. The more outgoing girls are also the ones getting noticed because well, they’re literally the ones going out and being seen (kind of hard to meet people if you’re always stuck at home). Also, guys are a lot more likely to take notice of a girl who seems to be talkative and obviously enjoying herself rather than someone who hangs out quietly in a corner. I’m not saying that all conservative girls are shy, just that they might feel uncomfortable expressing themselves openly for fear of what all the strangers might think.
Another reason is that some guys (myself included) really do get attracted to girls with confidence. I like a girl who can dress up and show off her best physical assets (tastefully of course!) without feeling conscious. I like a girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, even if she’s the only one in the group who thinks that way. I like a girl who’s outgoing and open-minded (mentally and physically). And I also like a girl who isn’t afraid of telling me if I’ve screwed up.
There are still quite a few guys out there (and even a lot of girls) who would object to a girl who expresses herself openly and flips the conservative tradition on its head. Of course, there are always some guys who will go for liberated girls thinking it will be easier to umm... sow their wild oats with these girls. That may be true in some cases, but they might get quite surprised to find that liberated and open-minded doesn’t automatically translate to easy. It certainly doesn’t mean that she’s a loose woman with no morals and family values. Rather she knows what she wants, and isn’t afraid of expressing her true feelings or attitudes. She can still be the sweet and caring Filipina, but one who knows how to stand up for herself and gets what she wants. Even if that means being as demanding and upfront as a guy in every way.
However, you need to remember that part of being liberated and confident is being aware of who you are at heart. If who you truly are someone who is really quite conservative and less outgoing, then don’t force yourself to become something you’re not. Being liberated is all about being true to yourself, your wants and desires. So if you are traditional and conservative, if you don’t want to change, then do so.
Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about the guys chasing the more liberated girls all the time. There are still plenty of guys out there who want to end up with someone more conservative. There will always be outgoing, open-minded guys and girls out there, but it takes a lot of understanding for people to be with them if they aren’t really of the same mind-set. An open-minded girl sounds great to a guy until he realizes that it means he can’t be jealous or too possessive when she goes and hangs out with her guy friends, and vice-versa. Everything should be a balance, and if you’re more reserved, then you should probably go for a more quiet guy who isn’t seriously interested in other girls.
Marc
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