Can guys fall for gays?

Hi There!

I am a homosexual who only just realized my sexual preference a year ago. In your opinion, is it possible for a straight man to really fall in love (in the real sense of the word) with homosexuals? — Ronny

OK, now I’m going to be a bit blunt about this, but I think it’s only fair to save you some heartache and confusion now or in the future. In my opinion, I do not think it is possible for a straight man to really fall in love with a homosexual. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that a straight guy can’t be close to a homosexual, and care about him deeply as a close friend and confidante, but I don’t see real honest romantic love happening.

I’m sure there are many who would disagree with me and maybe even cite examples of friends who have gotten together in a relationship of one gay and one straight. If this is the case, then I will hazard a guess that the straight man in the relationship is, in fact, bisexual, or at least bi-curious and perhaps just shy to admit it (does he seem a little too excited to hit the sauna when a good-looking guy goes in?). I have had friends who have gotten into just such a relationship, but in my opinion, the guy was bi-curious, and not really in love.

As I have mentioned many times before, I have nothing whatsoever against gays or their lifestyle, and a large percentage of my close friends are that way inclined. (Hi to all my gay friends out there!) I get along wonderfully with them and care about them in the same way I care about my straight male and female friends. However, for a straight man to fall really head over heels in love, there are more factors to consider other than just friendship. I love my friends whatever their sexuality, but I’m only ever in love with one person at a time. And that will always be a girl. It’s fine if she is straight or bi, just so long as one of her partner preferences is a straight male, i.e., me.

I hear of many instances where a gay man is dating a supposedly straight guy. He may be married, may have a girlfriend or whatever. This will usually be a guy who is bi-curious (in denial bisexual?). If both parties realize this, that’s one thing, but what I get concerned about is if the gay guy falls in love with the "straight" one, he will most likely be setting himself up for a heartbreak further down the line. The relationship may last a while, but in the end, the straight guy will fall in real love with a woman.

When it comes down to it, by definition, a straight man is… well, straight. And to really fall in love — it does need physical attraction on both sides as well as personality compatibility. This is something that just isn’t present when a straight guy thinks of a gay man. It may sound shallow, but in any loving relationship, consummating real love is part of what it’s all about (a highly enjoyable one I might add! Or so I’ve heard…), and it’s actually quite a large part when you’re talking the rest of your lives.

So in conclusion, I’m happy for you that you have come to terms with your sexuality, but please don’t make the mistake of falling in love with a straight man and expect the same romantic love to be returned. Friendship and the love and caring it brings is wonderful enough as it is without getting confused for something it’s not.

How To Work Out And Get A Perfect Bod

Dear Marc,

Good day! First, I want to congratulate you on your column. You give good and practical advice. This is why I am writing to you. You see, I’ve been working out for more than a year and unfortunately, I have not seen any visible improvement on my body. Nakaka-frustrate. When I transferred to another gym, my instructors advised me to take supplements. I tried amino acids, creatine, and designer whey. Still, no change in my body. What’s wrong? My eating habits? My program? I hope you can help me before my interest in working out wanes. I’m 29 years old, 5’9" and I weigh 155 lbs. Thanks and more power! — Mr. Robert

Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel. In my first year of working out, I saw very little change. It wasn’t until I started taking supplements (correctly), adjusted my work out and also paid attention to my diet that I started to see a big difference. Looking at your height and weight, I’m guessing that you’d like to lose a bit of fat, and maybe increase some of your muscle mass. It’s kind of hard to tell just from height and weight measurements as muscle and fat can weigh almost the same. So someone with your measurements could be a bit chubby, or really pumped. I personally rarely weigh myself. It should be more about how you look and feel than how much you weigh.

The supplements you’re taking are good. Usually the only ones that I take are creatine and protein. Personally I find creatine to be more effective if taken as part of a creatine transport system such as Celltech (you can find it at Health Express). The other ingredients such as glucose etc., help the body absorb the creatine into the areas that really need it (i.e., muscles). For protein, I usually recommend the new designer whey protein called Glycerlean (also found at Health Express). It’s packed with protein, with the added benefit of being low in lactose (great for us lactose-intolerant Asians). It’s also got another huge benefit over other proteins, which I’ll mention in a while.

Now you’ll notice that I mentioned earlier about taking supplements correctly. This is very important, as you can be taking supplements and just flushing them down the toilet unless you know when and how to take them. With creatine, one of the most important things to remember is that you need to have a loading stage. Your body naturally creates creatine, and so there is a regular creatine level in your body. By going through a loading stage (four servings of a 5 gm. dose every day for four to five days), you increase this creatine level to a saturation point. From that point on, you only need to take one dose a day (every day — even if you don’t work out on that day) to keep the creatine level high. Many people make the mistake of only taking creatine on workout days and not doing the loading stage at all. You will notice very little improvement if you do this. (As with a lot of supplements, please note that you should cycle your creatine intake two months on, two months off, so that your body will still produce it’s own creatine supplies).

Now on to protein. When you work out and lift weights, your muscles tear, and it is the rebuilding of those muscles that make them bigger and stronger. What they need when rebuilding is protein. So naturally, the times that they are doing the most rebuilding is when they need the most protein. These times are right after your workout, and that evening when you go to sleep after your workout. When your body is at rest (serious bodybuilders get eight to10 hours sleep a night) is when most muscle growth is done. Seeing as this is the case, the two most important times to take protein is right after your workout and before you sleep. The Glycerlean product I mentioned earlier has the added bonus that it is a time-released protein, which means that it will steadily release the protein into your system over a period of a few hours as needed. This means the protein is not broken down and wasted in one go, but is available for a longer period of the regenerative process. I usually take three protein shakes on workout days (morning, after workout, and before sleeping), and one or two on non-workout days (morning and before sleeping).

You may also find you need to adjust your workout routine in case it’s getting a bit stale from constant repetition. If you exercise your muscles with the same reps, sets, weights and exercises every time you work out, they become used to the same movements and no longer get a proper pump. Try varying things up a bit and ask your trainers or fellow gym mates for any new exercises you haven’t tried. If you’re trying to trim down, do more cardio, but still remember to do some weight training, as the combination of the two will work a lot faster.

As for the diet, the biggest change I can suggest is cutting down drastically on your rice intake. Try a low-carb diet that is still high in protein. Carbs before a workout are OK, as you’ll need the energy and it will burn off with the exercise, but avoid bad carbs such as rice especially at night before resting. Also cut down on fatty foods and instead of three big meals a day, try five smaller ones (this will train your body to speed up its metabolism). Avoid large meals in the late afternoon and evenings, as your body won’t have enough time to burn off the extra calories.

Lastly, when you do work out, make sure you really push yourself. If you don’t feel a good pump or sweat from your workout, then you’re not going hard enough. Remember, if you take it easy, then you’re only cheating yourself. Good luck and I’ll see you at the gym!

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Send questions to: question_marc @hotmail.com.