Best Man’s Dilemma

Dear Marc,

My close friend and a classmate back in high school are getting married next year and they’re inviting me. Ever since my teenage days, I really hated attending parties, weddings in particular. I even made an excuse during my aunt’s wedding. I don’t know. Now, I don’t want to disappoint my friends. The problem is, they’re picking me as the best man.

Now, a lot of things come into question. The attire, the preparation etc. First, what sort of pants (quality)and shoes(boots/flat/with heels) would best complement a barong tagalog? Second, is it OK if I wear shoes with metal brand exposed? Third, is it always a must for the best man to deliver a speech?

Lastly, what is the role of the best man? I don’t want to appear funny, or worse, the worst man present in the wedding ceremony. Thank you. — Best Man

Dear Best Man,

Congratulations, your friends obviously think highly of you as the role of Best Man at a wedding is one of the highest honors. Traditionally it would go to the brother of the groom if he had one, or if not, then the best friend. This is obviously the case with you now. I know this may be quite a challenge for you, but I’m sure your friends gave it a lot of thought, especially as they probably know how you feel about parties. They’re asking you to be an integral part in the most important day in their lives, so it would be a shame to disappoint them.

So, onto your problems. The first one’s about what to wear is fairly easily addressed. A good pair of straight black wrinkle-free pants would go well with a barong, although as it’s a wedding, you may want to visit a designer to get one that’s a little bit flashier than the usual barong tagalog. The shoes will have to be black leather formal shoes, with nothing much higher than a half-inch heel (unless you’re really, umm... vertically challenged, in which case you may want to get lift inserts). You don’t want any brand name exposed on the shoe, although a metal buckle is fine. If you don’t have a pair, then it’s worth it to invest in one now as it should be an essential part of any guy’s wardrobe. Same goes for the black pants. Naturally your socks should also be black, as should your belt.

Now onto the speech. Yes, it is traditional for the Best Man to give a speech, at least in western society. I’m not 100 percent sure if the custom is as recognized in the Philippines, but all of the weddings I’ve attended here generally had the best man make a speech at the reception. The best speeches are usually those that recount amusing stories and anecdotes from the groom and bride’s past as you know them better than most. Try to be witty, make fun of the groom a bit, but be careful not to make either of them look bad. Talking about their past relationships is probably best avoided.

So, what are the other roles of the Best Man? Well, we’ve already touched on the speech, so the other vitally important role is to hand the groom the wedding ring at the right time. Whatever you do, don’t lose the darn thing! Few brides want to tie the knot with a bit of twisted wire around their finger.

Perhaps one of the most enjoyable jobs of being best man is organizing the bachelor party. You may need the bride’s permission for this one though. Some bachelor parties get pretty wild. I had one friend end up half naked handcuffed to a cargo train on its way to Northern Canada without any money. It took a pretty understanding fiancé to send him some cash to get back (at least he lived in the same country). Generally speaking though, it usually involves a bunch of barkada, large amounts of alcohol, and depending on what the bride will let you get away with, perhaps a couple of girls prancing around in less cloth than you’d find in a table napkin. Get him drunk and make sure he has a good time, but not too good, if you know what I mean. After all he is engaged, and you don’t want their marriage to come apart before it even starts.

Lastly, a Best Man is meant to be there to help the couple sort out any problems and petty disputes they may have leading up to the wedding itself. Just as you would in your capacity as best friend, make yourself available as a sounding board for any second thoughts, etc., and advise as best you can. This may all seem like a lot, but remember, there is real meaning in why they call the best man the Best Man. — Marc

* * * Separated At Birth?

Dear Marc,

Hi, I always read your column and find it very interesting and helpful, too. I’m a 17-year-old simple guy from Las Piñas. When my father and I watched a movie entitled Notting Hill starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, my father said (not for pagmamayabang), "Kamukha mo si Hugh Grant ’wag ka lang maligo ng 10 araw." At first I didn’t believe him because I thought he was joking. A few minutes later he said "Simulan mo bukas ’wag ka munang maligo ng 10 araw." I suddenly looked at my father’s face and said, "Is he serious?" But when we got home, I looked myself in the mirror and said to myself it can’t be. — Sano

Dear Sano,

So your dad tells you that you look like a better version of Hugh Grant, huh? May all the British actress/models (and more than a few LA streetwalkers) rejoice! There is now a new and improved Hugh Grant (with less calories)! Well, to be honest, I haven’t seen you so can’t really make a personal judgment about whether or not you really do look alike. What I can do is explore the possibility of the truth and what it might entail for you.

There is an ancient theory that there are billions of personalities, but not nearly as many drastically different human forms. This would help explain why some people I’ve met on opposite sides of the globe look frighteningly similar sometimes. I like to think that there are a few physical "types" of people who carry certain similarities. This would explain why many people think Ara Mina looks like a young Sharon Cuneta, for example, or why Desiree DeValle reminded people of G Toengi (you should check out the actor in the Michelle Yeoh movie The Touch and compare him to Benetton poster boy Tim Yap! Uncanny resemblance!).

This may be the case in your situation. Possibly you have a comparable facial structure with Hugh Grant. However, I wouldn’t quit school and move to Hollywood just yet. You have to remember that you are after all, your father’s son. This means he is slightly biased in thinking you’re the best-looking guy around (after all, you got your looks from his genes, right?). This does not mean that everyone else will feel the same way, as evidenced by the fact that not everyone sees your similarity.

So when we get right down to it, what’s the problem? You say that you’re confused, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is that you’re confused about? Do you think that by having a physical similarity to someone it means that you have to try and be like them? I certainly hope not, as I shudder to think of you running around faking an English accent just because of all this. If your father had told you that you resembled Julia Roberts instead of Hugh Grant, would that mean that you’d now be questioning your sexuality?

Perhaps the lesson you need to learn from this little experience is how to take a simple compliment without blowing it all out of proportion. If someone says you look like someone famous, just smile, and say thank you (assuming it’s not Fat Bastard from Austin Powers). It’s also important to remember that what you look like shouldn’t determine who you are as an individual. Make your own decisions, learn your own lessons, and be your own person.

And one last thing. Never listen to advice that tells you not to take a shower for 10 days. You may not end up looking like Hugh Grant, but there’s a good chance that you’ll end up smelling like his sweaty armpit after a 10-mile hike.

* * * Obsessed!

Hi Mr. Cute and Hunkie Marc,

I’m Karen from Taguig and I really love your column. I really appreciate the way you handle problems that are sent to you. In fact you’re so straight to the point yet very funny. I’m a regular watcher of your show Sports Unlimited and even saw you on Sharon and Family Feud. My question is, how can a I fight my obsession with this guy who I really love but who doesn’t love me back? I have many suitors but I don’t feel like entertaining them because of him. My friends say that I’m driving myself crazy. I want to escape from this hold he has over me. I want to move on, but how? By the way, I’m 17. Thanks! — K

Dear K,

Well, at least you recognize that what you have is an obsession. You also seem to know that it’s a hopeless case as he doesn’t love you in return, so I guess we should explore why you’re obsessed and how to get you over it.

So what is it about this guy that has you falling head over heels? Is it his looks? His personality? For the sake of argument, let‘s say that he’s a good-looking and charming guy (I assume you have the good taste not to fall for a jerk). Maybe he’s friendly and that’s another thing that attracted you? Did you think that perhaps because he was friendly, he might start to fall for you? You need to realize that some people are just friendly for the sake of being friendly, without any hidden agenda or attraction.

Whatever the attraction, it has now turned into an obsession, and you’re blinded by your single-minded concentration on him while brushing aside all others. Focus is a great thing when it’s directed towards the right and attainable goal (like work or a competitive sport). However, if your focus is on something that is a hopeless case, then it’s just going to be an incredible waste of time and energy.

Try focusing instead on your schoolwork, and get this guy out of your mind. Get rid of all things that remind you of him, and avoid seeing him as much as possible. Recognize that you’re wasting your time and start fresh. Don’t bring his name up in a conversation and you’ll find that you and your friends may be having much more interesting chats now (they were probably bored to tears with your constant talking about him anyway).

You say that you have other suitors? Well, maybe you should try entertaining them now. You’re still young, and there are plenty of guys out there. Let them take you out and get to know them a bit. It’s important not to compare them with your crush, in the same way you shouldn’t compare them to a Hollywood actor like Brad Pitt. Sure you like Brad Pitt, but it’s not a realistic attraction, as you don’t really know him, he lives in LA, and most importantly, he’s married. Maybe you can admire from afar, but leave it at that and get on with reality. The same goes for your crush.

As I mentioned earlier, you’re still young, and you are going to meet a whole lot of different guys as you get older. This guy may stick in your mind in the same way that I still remember my first major crush (a girl named Thea) when I was a teenager. However, since that time I’ve been fortunate enough to meet other, even more wonderful girls, fallen madly in love, and this time had it reciprocated. It’s all part of growing up, and one day you’ll hopefully find the one that is just right, and who feels the same way about you. — Marc

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