A Virgin in the Land of Plenty, Home of the Depraved
October 30, 2002 | 12:00am
E-Male was tickled tangerine (pardon the color, but pink is too feminine for comfort) and giggled green over the confession by President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo that, despite her age and status as an expectant lola, she still manages to find time to enjoy the age-old pleasures and passions of  blush, blush  sex.
E-Male grudgingly envies such juicy, but nonetheless candid palace tidbit since he continues to suffer from the El Niño effects of being a proud virgin in all of his 26 years of existence (ahem, ahem). In fact, E-Male’s low-I.Q. carnal knowledge is limited to textbook readings on the human anatomy from his private library of literary journals published by Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt.
After all, the fact of being an ever-busy attorney has prevented E-Male from taking up a masteral or even doctoral intercourse on such an intellectually stimulating topic especially after hearing sordid stories about oral exams. It is for this reason that the President’s recent tittle-tattle sounded like an authoritative orientation on sexual education and a declaration that a palace tradition has been shattered since the downfall of the former Malacañang tenant who abused his bragging rights as the country’s Lord of Libido.
After all, this is not the first time that bedroom whispers from Malacañang have become of paramount public interest. During the conception period of the dictatorship (pun intended), a two-bit Hollywood sex siren was caught on audiotape "doing it" with the president purportedly inside the palace and within earshot of eavesdroppers who conspired to turn the incident into a national fiasco.
The stolen audio was then broadcast over radio stations that amplified a million-fold the scandalous circumstances under which the moaning and groaning on the rickety bed took place. Indeed, the bedroom affairs of past presidents eventually became fodder for periodic speculation and rumor-mongering for a population with an insatiable appetite for sex, lies and videotape concerning people cavorting in the highest places.
During the time of former President Estrada, his sexual proclivities have even been used as an ingenuous foreign policy instrument that bordered on  pardon the phrase  giving a BJ to the US of A. In fact, when former US President Bill Clinton faced impeachment raps for giving oral orders to Monica Lewinski inside the Oval Office  while he was, well, half-naked (Exhibit A: a cigar; Exhibit B: a blue dress)  Erap, a leader from the Third World, had the temerity to lecture the leader of the most powerful nation on earth on how to maintain illicit sexual liaisons without being caught by a snooping press and without being Bobbitized by a strong-willed First Lady who was then undergoing PMS.
In the case of President GMA, many have mercilessly pounced on her for point-blankly answering a question raised by a mischievous newshen  and for good reason. "Plenty of sex, little work," cried the severely undersexed political opposition. While this may be considered a truism in this land of plenty (plenty of bomb threats, plenty of bombings, plenty of problems), GMA’s straightforward remark should never be appreciated  as her allies were quick to suggest  for being the loudest statement of the evolving Pinay feminism, one that supposedly dares breach the residual Maria Clara norms of misplaced conservatism and one that takes pride in the celebration of one’s sexuality.
On the contrary, it has been decades since the Presidential Palace stood as a Phallic Symbol promoting promiscuity as a tool for political perpetuation. Taking advantage of the country’s macho and masochist culture, presidents and politicians perpetuate myths about their sexual prowess believing that they create a public perception of strength, vitality and virility in the performance of their official functions. Sex is strength and prowess is power.
During bragging sessions of politicians, political endurance is measured by sexual endurance. Worse, the ability to manage the country’s affairs is sometimes gauged by a president’s ability to manage the affairs of his mistresses, one being too many already; or to crisis-manage scandals. Unfortunately, Pinoys pander to this and GMA may have played into this controversy to inflict a message: That she, too, is macho  having the balls to say what she thinks and what she does in a vain attempt to be considered "one of the guys" who bond through entertaining exchanges of their sexcapades.
E-Male has plenty of reservations about publicly professing one’s sexual proficiencies in that it is difficult to tell whether a person’s confession  especially if the person is a politician  is an exaggeration or an understatement. Just like, do any of you believe that E-Male is really a virgin?
Heck, we all live in a land of plenty, the home of the depraved  kaya tama na ang bolahan.
E-Male grudgingly envies such juicy, but nonetheless candid palace tidbit since he continues to suffer from the El Niño effects of being a proud virgin in all of his 26 years of existence (ahem, ahem). In fact, E-Male’s low-I.Q. carnal knowledge is limited to textbook readings on the human anatomy from his private library of literary journals published by Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt.
After all, the fact of being an ever-busy attorney has prevented E-Male from taking up a masteral or even doctoral intercourse on such an intellectually stimulating topic especially after hearing sordid stories about oral exams. It is for this reason that the President’s recent tittle-tattle sounded like an authoritative orientation on sexual education and a declaration that a palace tradition has been shattered since the downfall of the former Malacañang tenant who abused his bragging rights as the country’s Lord of Libido.
After all, this is not the first time that bedroom whispers from Malacañang have become of paramount public interest. During the conception period of the dictatorship (pun intended), a two-bit Hollywood sex siren was caught on audiotape "doing it" with the president purportedly inside the palace and within earshot of eavesdroppers who conspired to turn the incident into a national fiasco.
The stolen audio was then broadcast over radio stations that amplified a million-fold the scandalous circumstances under which the moaning and groaning on the rickety bed took place. Indeed, the bedroom affairs of past presidents eventually became fodder for periodic speculation and rumor-mongering for a population with an insatiable appetite for sex, lies and videotape concerning people cavorting in the highest places.
During the time of former President Estrada, his sexual proclivities have even been used as an ingenuous foreign policy instrument that bordered on  pardon the phrase  giving a BJ to the US of A. In fact, when former US President Bill Clinton faced impeachment raps for giving oral orders to Monica Lewinski inside the Oval Office  while he was, well, half-naked (Exhibit A: a cigar; Exhibit B: a blue dress)  Erap, a leader from the Third World, had the temerity to lecture the leader of the most powerful nation on earth on how to maintain illicit sexual liaisons without being caught by a snooping press and without being Bobbitized by a strong-willed First Lady who was then undergoing PMS.
In the case of President GMA, many have mercilessly pounced on her for point-blankly answering a question raised by a mischievous newshen  and for good reason. "Plenty of sex, little work," cried the severely undersexed political opposition. While this may be considered a truism in this land of plenty (plenty of bomb threats, plenty of bombings, plenty of problems), GMA’s straightforward remark should never be appreciated  as her allies were quick to suggest  for being the loudest statement of the evolving Pinay feminism, one that supposedly dares breach the residual Maria Clara norms of misplaced conservatism and one that takes pride in the celebration of one’s sexuality.
On the contrary, it has been decades since the Presidential Palace stood as a Phallic Symbol promoting promiscuity as a tool for political perpetuation. Taking advantage of the country’s macho and masochist culture, presidents and politicians perpetuate myths about their sexual prowess believing that they create a public perception of strength, vitality and virility in the performance of their official functions. Sex is strength and prowess is power.
During bragging sessions of politicians, political endurance is measured by sexual endurance. Worse, the ability to manage the country’s affairs is sometimes gauged by a president’s ability to manage the affairs of his mistresses, one being too many already; or to crisis-manage scandals. Unfortunately, Pinoys pander to this and GMA may have played into this controversy to inflict a message: That she, too, is macho  having the balls to say what she thinks and what she does in a vain attempt to be considered "one of the guys" who bond through entertaining exchanges of their sexcapades.
E-Male has plenty of reservations about publicly professing one’s sexual proficiencies in that it is difficult to tell whether a person’s confession  especially if the person is a politician  is an exaggeration or an understatement. Just like, do any of you believe that E-Male is really a virgin?
Heck, we all live in a land of plenty, the home of the depraved  kaya tama na ang bolahan.
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