Dog gone world

When Argee was invited to a pet show to parade a puppy last week, the first thing that Honey and Argee’s girlfriend did was to buy him a leash. Insofar as Argee is concerned, he thought that he would be strutting on stage as a celebrity model and flaunting a furry creature as a mere fashion accessory. Heck, he even read up on back issues of GQ, posed for hours before a vanity mirror and pantomimed the profile and the porma of global beefcake Marcus Schekenburg.

But then again, reality bit hard on Argee when a collar was clamped around his neck by his own girlfriend and Honey suggested that he see a plastic surgeon if he wouldn’t be able to snap out of his hunkful of hopes. Needless to say, Argee barked in protest over the comparison — ARF! ARF! — and cited that any canine reference to him begins and ends with:

A) His animal appeal which is irresistible to felines (Purrrrr ...);
B) His loyalty to his masters, his clients; and
C) His pit bull attack against dubious characters that lurk in the shadows of good governance.

And besides, he has this baseless theory that men are infinitely superior to dogs and that, as a species, men command magnetism and enjoy more advantages from the fairer sex considering the following:

• Men can buy you presents.
• Men, in general, take daily baths (So, that makes Argee an exception — Honey)
• Men don’t have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
• Men are a little bit more subtle.
• Men open their own cans.
• Dogs have dog breath all the time while men have already discovered the wonders of mint candy.
• Hotels and motels accept men.
• Men can have dogs for pulutan.
• You can kiss men without contracting rabies.
• You don’t get fleas when you sleep with men.

With no particular reference to Argee, Honey violently objects believing that dogs are always better than men since:

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
• You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
• Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
• Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with.
• Dogs do not play games with you — except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
• Dogs don’t call you fat and never suggest that you undergo liposuction.
• Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
• Dogs can be trained.
• Dogs are good with kids.
• Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
• Dogs understand what "NO" means.
• Dogs don’t need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
• Dogs don’t make a practice of killing their own species.
• Dogs think you are a culinary genius. You can house train a dog.
• Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
• Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair.
• Dogs aren’t threatened by two women with short hair.
• Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
• Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Argee’s girlfriend — without necessarily speaking from experience — feels however that dogs and men have similarities such as:

• Like old men, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.
• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
• Both are threatened by their own kind.
• Both mark their territory.
• Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
• Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s asses.
• Neither does the dishes.
• Both fart shamelessly.
• Both are suspicious of the postman (especially those who ring twice).
• Neither understands what you see in cats.

Well, if you still can’t say whether dogs are superior, inferior or equal to men, just look at the accompanying photos taken from the "It’s Rainin’ Cats and Dogs" show at the Power Plant Mall sponsored by Impact Unlimited, Inc. for the benefit of the Philippine Animal Welfare Society. — BE THE JUDGE!