Love, sex and being single

When the topic is the Filipino male there are always the usual contrasting opinions flying around the room — that he is babaero, or that he is loyal and loving; that he is a mama’s boy or excessively patriarchal; that he is dangerously temperamental or that he is sweet and mild-mannered. The bottom line, is he is just impossible to understand. It ‘s because he was never really meant to be understood, only poked and probed into by the overly solicitous female. Admit it or not, understanding the male psyche is always fascinating and fun. Picking up on this, reality TV takes us for a spin into the mind of the Filipino male, if only to prove that there’s really more to it than women and wine. Throw in their views on dating, sex, marriage and the whole social culture bit and you’ve got yourself a spunky, in-your-face TV show called Single.

It’s an interactive TV show where three eligible bachelors are voted on by viewers through text or via the Net. It follows the familiar concept of reality TV wherein a camera follows these guys around. The guys have no script to follow, neither are they made-up. In other words, they are armed with nothing but themselves and the camera. For Single, three guys were handpicked, and they are supposed to represent a cross-section of the Filipino male population. You’ve got a bad boy, a Mr. Nice Guy and someone bordering perilously between both.

Lee Espino, 23, is the bad boy, and you can be sure that he is very proud of it. He does ramp modeling, print and TV ads and also does voice-overs. "I’m all-confident, cocky Lee, no bullshit Lee... that’s really why they chose me. Among the three of us, I’m the jerk. I give the impression that I’m one big asshole. I think I am."

A world away is Marvel Julian, 22. He works as a second assistant director for Kahit Kailan on GMA7, and is an actor for short films. He is also the vocalist/rhythm guitarist of the band Fairground. "I’m not completely the nice guy. I’m technically a virgin, that’s it. I’m proud of it because I have no girlfriend. I want to lose this virginity to my girlfriend because there’s love, commitment and everything. If it were just about going on one-night stands, maybe I would have lost it a long time ago. I’m keeping it for my girlfriend. I’ve had several but we didn’t do sex."

Joel Trinidad, 33, serves as the equalizer of the group. "If Lee is the asshole, and Marvel is the nice guy-virgin, I’m the guy in between. I’m a nice guy who has something of the asshole streak." Joel is a theater actor and singer, and has done a host of other things like writing music, modeling for commercials and a lot of activities and this is what he believes is his edge over the other two.

Putting these three explosive personalities on a TV show makes your viewing stray from the usual. Make no mistake, it’s not for the squeamish.

Meet these three singles and get flabbergasted or amazed all over again by the Filipino male.

How did you get into Single?

Lee Espino: It was through a friend of mine. We used to party a lot together. She texted me to go to Wack Wack Towers for a reality TV show. Honestly I was expecting Survivor or some thing like that. They interviewed me and I gave them straight answers, totally honest answers, which is I guess why they chose me. I was a total stranger, I just walked in and got interviewed.

Joel Trinidad: I auditioned for this just like any other job. Chris Tan and Ton Gatmaitan, who own Ideal Minds, are friends of mine. They were looking for hosts for a reality show. Same thing with Lee, I answered all their questions in the audition. It wasn’t that they measured my talents, they were just asking my opinion on life, women, dating, etc.

Marvel Julian: B (the show’s producer) is a friend of mine from UP. We were both actors for short films. He asked me to shoot this test pilot episode, Single. He followed me wherever I went and he shot whatever I was doing. We went to this FHM party and he asked me to look for a date. It was already 2 a.m. but I still couldn’t find anyone, then finally I found one. She was my classmate in college, that’s why she agreed, so I kind of cheated on that one.

What turns you on/off in a girl?

Lee: If you’re really confident then you will turn me on big time. I don’t care if you don’t have big boobs, small waist, and big hips, as long as you’re really confident. You don’t have to be really pretty. Yeah, like sometimes I get attracted to fat girls because they know how to be themselves. No kidding , I find that very attractive. I find fat girls very attractive, I don’t know why. My taste varies a lot, but one thing for sure is that you have to be really confident. The thing that turns me off is the smell of her breath. I’m really particular about breath. Would you believe that I bring Listerine with me all the time? I like foreplay a lot so I do a lot of talking and stuff so I have to make sure my breath smells nice. If your breath smells bad, Lord have mercy, I will not talk to you. You may be the most confident, sexiest girl I’ve ever met but if your breath smells of garlic, stay away from me, I’m telling you. But the thing is I like onions. I like onions but I don’t like women with garlic breath.

Joel: What turns me on is, first the physical, big boobs, small waist, and sharp features. Mestiza but with a mix of Pinay. I think the most beautiful woman alive is Natalie Portman. Turn-ons that aren’t physical, I like women who enjoy being women. They revel in their womanhood. They’re confident, they have brains. They enjoy being women, they just love, that they have power over men. They know how to dress and they really enjoy dressing up. They also have to be really smart and have a sense of humor. Turn-offs, women who are self-involved. They keep talking about themselves. And the biggest turn off, smoking. I could never be with a smoker long term. Maybe a fling or a date would be fine.

Marvel: Sometimes I like the Maria Clara types, sometimes I like them totally sexy, and showing off their assets like their boobs and butt. Sometimes even if she’s baduy, but there’s something about her that’s interesting. Also someone who I can ask out to eat fish balls or bananacue in UP. I also like a woman who’s athletic so she can go with me to the gym. Turn offs — a girl who would say bad things about me after a date.

How do you make your first move when you like a girl?

Lee: I make eye contact. I flirt with my eyes and with my lips. It’s also one of my mannerisms to wet my lips all the time. When I see you looking at me, I will really try to feel if you like me. And then we will be having a conversation and after that we’re together spending the night.

Joel: I just remain who I am. I also try to make a woman laugh, because I think laughter is a very powerful aphrodisiac. I know it is for me. When I see a woman laugh, it kills me.

Marvel: Eye contact. I look at her and if she notices me, I get her number. That fast.

Would you go Dutch on a date or should the guy pay?

Lee: When it comes to paying, if I ask her out, I will pay, but if she decides to go Dutch, I will respect that. I notice that women are a lot more empowered, they don’t want to have utang na loob. There are times a girl wants to pay, so I’m like to hell with it, I don’t give a shit. I have no problems with that. If she wants to pay, go ahead.

Joel: I normally pay for the date. Most women will insist or at least offer to pay. I always say, no I asked you out so I will be the one to pay. If you ask me out, then you pay. But when does that happen? Women don’t ask me out very often. And even if she asked me out, I will still insist on paying. I guess I’m old-fashioned that way.

Marvel: Right now, that’s a big problem. I’m starting my job so I don’t make too much. If I ask a girl out, I’ll pay but if she asks me out, it’s 50-50 or I pay.

Do you believe in courtship?

Lee: I don’t. For me courtship is bullshit. If you’re gonna court, what you’re going to do is put your best foot forward and that’s not natural, that’s not real. Some girls will say they need to be courted so they can be sure. I can get together with a girl in an hour. It has happened, and we were together for eight years. So courtship doesn’t matter at all.

Joel: I’m not into courtship in the traditional sense. But I do believe there should be a getting-to-know-you period. When I go on a date with someone I am already me. I don’t change. So I believe in courtship only the sense that it’s a time to know each other first. Not formally but for a period of time until you decide you guys like each other. I don’t know how to make a girl like me. I have no idea. That’s what courtship is about right? If a girl doesn’t like me even a little bit in the beginning, if there’s no spark to work on, then there’s nothing I can do.

Marvel: Me, I’ll court forever. I’m stuck with that old-fashioned way of courting a girl. If I’m serious, then it’s ligaw to death. I’ll go to wherever the girls lives, I’ll meet up with her parents. If I’m not serious or it’s just a fling, then I’ll only go on a date. But if she’s girlfriend material then I want to meet parents and thank them for having brought her up that way.

My mother/father told me sex is ...

Lee: My mom is a typical Spanish woman. She’s really religious, big time. My dad is also religious, they’re active members of Bukas Loob. They tell me, ‘Look at your cousins. They got all their girls pregnant and all of them claimed that they used condoms. If you’re going to misbehave, use condoms. They’re not directly telling me to have sex, but from what I understand, they’re telling me not to have sex.

Joel: My parents never really talked about sex with me. They just made sure I was brought up with the right values, sex included. When I started going out with women, my parents just hoped that they raised me right. My parents are very conservative but they realize that I’m an adult. Every once in a while they always say "You gotta be careful. Don’t do anything stupid." But it’s always in vague terms like that. They never say "Wear a condom." I just picked that up myself.

Marvel: My parents are very conservative. My mom is a Catholic charismatic. She always tells me that sex is sacred. You should do it when you’re married and it’s a mortal sin if you do it before that. But she sees that I like girls so much so she says "Ok just confess, after you’ve had sex." And I believe her. If I do it, then I’ll go out and confess.

What I don’t want other people to know about me is that...

Lee: Cheesy stuff like I don’t throw parties on my birthday. I throw a party at a place called Boystown. It’s a place for little boys. I get really embarrassed because my cousins in the States would say, "Oh I’m going to throw a party for you" but my aunt would say, "No, Lee doesn’t throw parties, he only throws them for little boys." The guys at Boystown call me "Kuya Lee."

Joel: I don’t want people to know that I’m a nerd, I love to read. I’m always in the middle of one or two books. I know a lot about Star Wars. I’m a geeky fan boy when it comes to Star Wars. I’m now reading a book called Bio-hazard which is a non-fiction account of the secret Russian bio-weapons program as told by the guy who ran it. I read all sorts of stuff. I read thrillers, non-fiction,

comedy.

Marvel: I don’t want them to know that I’m a die-hard fan of X-Men. In highschool I would save my baon, I wouldn’t eat my lunch just so I can buy X-Men comic books by Jim Lee, who’s the best artist. I also collect Spider-man.

What is your favorite sexual fantasy?

Lee: My biggest fantasy is a lesbian couple having sex with me.

Joel: My sexual fantasy is the same as most guys-at least two women. Any guy who says he doesn’t want to have two women at the same time is lying. Either that or he’s gay. I just want multiple partners.

Marvel: Same here. I want two girls, but locked in a house and we can do it anywhere we want to — the bathtub, the kitchen, the bed, the roof top...

Have you ever had sex without love? How do you feel after doing it?

Lee: Yes I have and it was great. It’s just two hours cardio-exercise. I don’t feel less of a good man, I don’t feel bothered. It feels good. I don’t feel used, like if I have it with Joel, I don’t wake up think ‘"Ginamit mo ako" haha. The moment after we have sex, we sleep. We’re friends after that. I don’t feel violated.

Joel: I feel violated that I’ve been part of this sordid fantasy. I’ve had sex without love. In fact most of the times I’ve had sex, there was no love. I feel guilty because I’m Catholic and Catholics equate sex with guilt somehow. If I’m in a relationship then it’s ok. But if not, I feel guilty but not guilty enough to stop doing it. The pleasure far outweighs the guilt every single time. The worst sex I’ve had was still pretty damn fantastic.

Marvel: Since I haven’t had sex or intercourse, I’ll share something else. Five years ago, I had this girlfriend for three years. After we did it, I’d say, ‘Let’s pray.’ We were 15 years old at that time. Others would say it’s hypocrisy but for me, I would feel good if I prayed and said sorry.

What’s the best/worst part about being single?

Lee: The best part about being single is that you don’t have a curfew and you can do whatever you want. You can be selfish; you can be by yourself all the time. You can meet a lot of people, and you’re not chained to a person. You’re free as a bird. The worst thing about being single is that there are going to be nights when you’re gonna feel lonely and you get tired of the same crap all over again and sometimes being single means you don’t feel whole.

Joel: The best part about being single is the freedom to do whatever I want, having the options to go out with anyone. The worst thing about being single is that you don’t have anyone to share your hapiness with. If good things are happening in your life you have no one to talk to about it, no one will appreciate the experience as much as you do.

Marvel: The best part about being single is that you can go out with anyone, every night. The worst part is when you’re alone and you feel like talking to someone about your experiences. Like with things that are happening in my life now, I would like to text them to my "girlfriend" but I don’t have one. I would text it to someone I’m courting but I guess she doesn’t feel good because she doesn’t like me. So that’s the worse thing, being alone.

What are your thoughts on marriage?

Lee: If I’m gonna get married, I feel like there’s gonna be curfew. I have issues against curfew. I’ve had my freedom since I was 14 and I can’t imagine five little children asking me for their allowance. My concept of marriage is that it’s no more partying, you’re supposed to be behaved and all that. I’m a party boy. Maybe when I’m 45, when I’m done with all the partying and stuff. I think I’ll still be good-looking

Joel: I believe in marriage, primarily because my parents have been married for 37 years already and they’re still very very much in love so I do believe in marriage. It’s just that I’m a late bloomer so even if I’m the oldest among the three here, I don’t think I’m going to get married anytime soon. Maybe in the next 5 years or so, before I’m 40. But when I get married I wanna stop playing around. I want to be faithful to my wife, be a good father to my children. Because I think deep inside I’m really a family man, but I just need to get some stuff out of my system first. So maybe when I am 37 or 38.

Marvel: Right now I can’t tell. I’m the eldest and the breadwinner of my family. I want to get involved in more relationships. I feel that I’m still immature.

What do you think about living in?

Lee: I think it’s all-cool to live in. Of course my parents will kill me if I say this, but it’s all good. I don’t want to live-in now, though. I’m going to get trapped. The reason why I’m afraid of the "trap" word is because I was really traumatized when I lived in the States. My aunt give me a 4 a.m. curfew. That situation made me think that it’s a reflection of everything in life — relationship, career... so I’m really anal about getting trapped. I think in life, it’s either you get trapped or you’re free so I kind of relate the word "trapped" to relationships, to career, to nearly everything.

Joel: I have no problem with living in. In some relationships I’ve had, I’ve

practically lived in with the woman and I think it’s alright.

Marvel: It’s not a bad idea, but if I were to be born in another place and time, with different parents, and if I wasn’t brought up this way then I would go for living in with someone, but it’s not a bad idea. It’s a good idea because you get to know the person well before getting married.

When do you know you’re in love?

Lee: I know I’m in love when I cut down on fooling around.

Joel: I know I’m in love when the woman I’m in love with occupies my every waking moment. I want to be with her all the time, I think about her all the time.

Marvel: I know I’m in love when I’m with that someone and I feel that I’m at my best. That’s it. Right now I don’t’ feel that I’m at my best. Last April, I fell in love but wala eh, busted. I’d feel it-being inspired, energized-right now I don’t feel that way so I’m not I love. So girls out there, if you wanna apply, just watch the show.

Why should viewers vote for you?

Lee: They should choose me because I’m the most good-looking and I’m the tallest. And I’m the yummiest. I’m the most interesting among the three of us. I like to break rules. I like to be illegal and I like to shock people. I like to see their surprised faces and I don’t want to be seen as a goody-goody boy because I’m not. I say what I feel without knowing that I might get into trouble. They should choose me because I’m going to be fun to watch on TV. It’s real TV and that’s who I am. I think I’m made for the show, not Joel, nor Marvel.

Joel: If it’s just about looks, I don’t think we should talk about it because we all think we’re better looking than each other. Just like my attitude towards courtship, the viewers by now would have seen the show, would’ve seen the plugs, read this interview, and if they don’t like me by now, they’re not going to like me, ever. There’s nothing I can do or say that can make them like me. If they want to pick me then great, I’d love to do the show. I would like to say that I think you should pick me because when you write down questionnaires what you do for a living, occupation, I write down "entertainer." This is my job, this is what I do. I’m used to entertaining people. I do that every moment of my life. I’m used to being in the spotlight because of my theater background. Because I’m an entertainer at heart, whenever I go on a date, I always make sure that the woman is entertained. If the woman is not having fun then I won’t have fun either. I do everything in my power to make sure that the woman is entertained and if she’s entertained then I will be entertained, and if we’re both entertained, it will be an entertaining viewing, right? The other reason I would like for everybody to vote for me is that I’m the oldest among the three, but some people might think that’s a disadvantage, but I’ve just had so much experience than the other guys, not talking about sexual experience. I’m talking about life experience. I’ve done a lot of stuff. Right now I’m a theater actor and singer. I’ve been an assistant director for commercials like Marvel. I’ve been a model like Lee. I’ve written a musical comedy, I’ve sold shampoo, I’ve sold T-shirts, I’ve done so much stuff already so I think that all that life experience might make that more interesting viewing. So that’s it, I hope people out there vote for me. It might be fun. I’m in it for the fun.

Marvel: I play basketball, I’m into power-lifting, I act, I play for my band so these are the things that will interest the viewers. One thing for sure is that you can bring me to anywhere in the metro and I can go around, I’m game eh.

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Single airs every Thursday, 9:30 p.m. on ABC 5. It had its pilot episode on May 23. The show is sponsored by Touch Mobile, Sprite, and FHM. You may also log on to www.single.com.ph for more information about the show.