Yipee, eats Christmas!

I just love everything about Christmas – the lights, all the presents, family get-togethers. But my favorite part about Christmas is the food. Or rather, the license to gorge myself with anything and everything that is served on the buffet table.

It may be the undisciplined way to think, especially if I claim to be an athlete, but this time of year, I don’t keep track of how many thousands of calories I ingest. I don’t just eat a little of everything, either, only so I can have a taste of whatever is served.

I have it all – as much as I want. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? The way I look at it, I want to show my host that I am enjoying the feast he or she has prepared. Life is short, but Christmas is even shorter. So I enjoy every moment of it!

On the other hand, life is fair because I suffer the consequences of my gluttonous behavior come New Year. Surprise, surprise, my jeans become too snug around my now big thighs, and I’m shy about wearing a sleeveless shirt – even to the stables – and something tells me the horses start complaining when I get on top of them. Oh boy, then I know I’m in serious trouble.

So, I need to do some serious belt-tightening – literally. Well, at least I savored each bite and enjoyed every calorie.

I want to share an article by Craig Wilson printed on USA Today. After reading it, I felt a tad less guilty about gorging myself this season.

And so should you because we’re not alone.

Thou shalt not skim flavor from the Holidays

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can’t pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do’s and don’ts. Eliminate second helpings, high calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up vegetable sticks, they say.

Good grief! Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn’t think so. Isn’t mine either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolf. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you’ll be fat and happy. So what if you don’t make it to New Year’s? Your pants won’t fit anymore, anyway.

About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. You can’t find any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think.

If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lot’s of it. Hello? Remember college?

Under no circumstance should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge.

Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can’t leave them behind. You’re not going to see them again.

And one final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookie less January is just around the corner.