Of husbands and fathers
I was recently privileged to write an article about solo parents for Smart Parenting Philippines’ website. It mainly focused on the challenges of being a single parent. All of the respondents to my interview questions for the article were single moms.
Doing the article made me realize once again the important role husbands and fathers play in the family. Parenting is a very challenging task – more like a calling or vocation actually. Doing it alone is even more difficult, especially if you’re a woman.
That’s why I am particularly grateful for my husband, who incidentally, celebrated his birthday last September 24. I thank the Lord for choosing and calling him to be my partner in life, love, parenting and mission. We are far from being the perfect couple, and perfect parents, but I wouldn’t trade my Honey for anything in the world.
Our family’s ‘wacky’ photo on hubby’s birthday
Since I am already on the subject of husbands and fathers, let me share with you excerpts from some articles that speak clearly about the importance and value of husbands and fathers. I hope they inspire you as much as they inspired me:
1. “Father-love and mother-love are not the same thing.” It is the family, the love between husband and wife, father and mother, which holds everything else in society together.
The family is the ‘glue’ of society
”...a question like, What do women want?, or, What do men want?, can’t be answered without first finding the right answer to a much larger question: What does the human heart want? What does it need? Whom does it long for? God created men and women to complement each other, to complete each other in Him, to share in His community of love. We love God best by loving and serving each other sacrificially. That takes many different forms. But it’s the family, the love between a husband and wife, a mother and father, which is the glue of everything else in society. Children learn the language of love — the vocabulary which enables them to understand God — by watching their mother and father. They need both. Mother-love and father-love are not the same thing.”
- The Importance of Fathers in Our Search for God by Most. Rev. Charles J. Chaput (Catholic.net)
If you are a solo parent, I encourage you to let God become the “Father” of your children by making Him a top priority in your family life. A family that is incomplete can still find wholeness in the loving embrace of God.
2. Even so-called “secular” agencies like the U.S. Children’s Bureau emphasize the important role of fathers in the healthy development of children.
“A noted sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood." Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home," he says. "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."6 Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their children.”
Papa Anthony feeding his Princess Rysse
I am so blessed that my husband is an “involved father.” Though he and I may have our faults and failures, we are blessed with work (we both work/serve fulltime for Couples for Christ (CFC), our Catholic community) that helps us be more involved parents.
The U.S. Children’s Bureau article goes on to talk about the importance of the relationship between husband and wife:
“One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is indirect—fathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support.”
Blessed to have Christ in our marriage and family life. What would we do without Him?
Because my husband and I are CFC members, we have a support environment and other more mature couples (including our parents) from whom we can get advice and draw support, which helps us build a stronger relationship as husband and wife.
The effect of this overflows to our kids, and it always delights me whenever Anthony “makes lambing” to them by hugging, kissing, playing, reading and playing with them.
Referring back to the previous article, it says that children whose fathers are involved in their children’s lives impact their cognitive development as well. Thank God then that my husband is so supportive and involved in homeschooling our kids.
Hubby and kids – my heart fills with joy whenever I see them together!
“Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities.9 Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers.10
Tim loves reading with his Papa – if he had his way, they’d be reading 10 to 20 books at a time!
The influence of a father's involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.11 For instance, a 2001 U.S. Department of Education study found that highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 percent more likely than other children to earn mostly As and 33 percent less likely than other children to repeat a grade.12”
- The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children by the Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children’s Bureau
I hope you’ll join me in paying tribute to fathers and husbands everywhere by offering up a simple prayer for them today. Don’t forget too, that we have a perfect, loving, powerful Father watching over us always. Have you watched/read His Love Letter for you? Here it is, just in case you haven’t:
God bless all husbands and fathers all over the world, and their families too!
P.S. My mom also recently celebrated her birthday (yesterday in fact!). Even if this post is about “husbands and fathers,” I’d like to take this time to honor all the great wives and mothers out there as well, especially my own mother! The jobs of husbands and fathers would be doubly difficult without you fabulous women!
My wonderful mom and me
