Parenting through natural disasters
A cascade of feelings has been triggered in each one of us as the devastation brought by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan is shown on TV. The images of death and destruction are everywhere. How do we explain natural disasters to our children, and how do we fulfill our role to protect and nurture them?
I remember the strong earthquake in 1990 that struck Northern Luzon and also affected Metro Manila. My children were below four years old then. As the earth shook beneath me, I could only think of my two children left behind at home with their caregivers in Pasig. Were they traumatized? I was in Makati then attending to a property for lease. My only connection to them was the landline, which failed to make a connection probably due to others like me checking up on their families. There was no time to lose but to brave the traffic in EDSA. The two girls didn’t seem terrified but in the next few days, one daughter scribbled what seemed like an earthquake scenario. I took it as a sign that she wanted to express her experience. Speaking to her calmly, I explained that earthquakes cannot be predicted but I will do all my best to keep everyone safe. To give assurance, I initiated earthquake drills at home and showed them the earthquake kit by the door.
When storm Ondoy struck our home, I was in Singapore. I read a tweet from my daughter “Oh no, flood is entering our house and mom is not here.” I managed to call home, trying to check if my husband was there. He was home. That got me thinking that the kids were so used to me being in control during times of crisis. I failed to involve their father to give them the same safe feeling at times like these.
Allow me to share some thoughts about caring for our children and ourselves during difficult circumstances:
First, it is important to discuss feelings about the disaster, at times and places separate from our children. Our emotions can easily be picked up by our children so we need to work through this so we don’t make our children our sounding board. There are times that we succumb to our sad emotions. It is good that our kids see that we care about the people who died, so when they catch you crying or visibly upset, just express with minimal explanation of your feelings. “I’m sad/upset about something I heard on the news" is fine, along with "and I just need to cry/let it out for a little while to get the sadness/anger out."
Second, young children need not know all the gory details of what has happened and become unnecessarily frightened. They can become terrified by exposure to the graphic images and the feelings of horror and drama that are attached to the details. It is important to shield them from the news. Get your news when the children are not around. When a child needs an explanation, explain the events in general terms, and in terms that your child can comprehend. Older children will also need some assurance and explanation even if we think they are smart enough to figure it out. Sometimes we might not have all the answers but assurances need to be given. They need to be told explicitly that they are safe, that you will keep them safe, and that you will be doing everything possible to keep them safe.
Third, plan out your emergency preparedness kit. Ever since the floods struck our home, I prepared an emergency kit as soon as the rainy season started. The kit contained mobile chargers, batteries, flashlight and emergency light, among others. Ready to eat food and water stock is always replenished. The best resource for a list of basic supplies and typhoon preparedness tips is the Red Cross. Provide earthquake drills at home and where to stay as the tremors happen to avoid being hurt. Involve all household members and caregivers with the preparedness plan.
When my children saw this plan, they felt safer. Remember, natural disasters are beyond our control. The only control we have is preparedness. The rest of the time is to cherish every moment with our children and do all we can to ensure their safety.
