Anatomy of the Pinoy election poster

MANILA, Philippines - Oooh, the Pinoy candidate’s election campaign poster. You’ve seen one and you’ve seen them all. Don’t judge a candidate by his poster? Sorry, you put your faces on our walls and streets, siguro naman we can judge all we want.

Forehead:

Must show forehead. As old folks say, wide forehead means person is smart. No scientific basis though. Wide forehead can just mean wide forehead.

No wrinkles allowed. Photoshop when necessary.

Eyes:

Must smile with your eyes. Means you have passion, you have soul, you have sincerity in your eyes. And you listen to Tita Tyra.

No crow’s feet allowed. Photoshop when necessary. Only non-politicians are allowed to age.

Lips:

Awkward smile. The more awkward, the better.

Smile must show teeth. No-show teeth means they must be hiding something. A mistress? Anak sa labas? Undeclared mansion in New York? Unregistered luxury cars? Illegal firearms? Endangered species of snakes inside their bedroom? All because they didn’t smile with their teeth out. Tsk, tsk.

Teeth must be white. Must be complete. Must be perfect. Yes, parang artista lang. Who knows? Showbiz might be a good fallback.

Face:

Limit facial hair. Face must stay as clean and neat as possible. Unless you’re an action star. Oh, you are? K.

Clothing:

Must be collared.

Lakas maka-action man.

Little or no jewelry at all.

Lakas maka-simple man.

Text:

Bold letters. If surname is popular, must be as big as possible. As big as his kapal ng mukha. If surname is not popular, well, marry someone whose surname is. If not feasible, well, the jingle must be popular, at least.

Big candidate’s number on the ballot. In case the number has more recall than the candidate’s surname.

Shaded circle. No more, no less.

Maximum of three words that best describe the candidate’s plataporma, if any. E.g. Pagbabago, Pag-asa, Change, Sipag, Tiyaga, Hanapbuhay, Edukasyon, Nanay. Don’t worry about being original. Hindi na uso yun. We understand.

Optional:

Pose with an artista and have him raise your hand. He must be wearing a shirt with the candidate’s face on it.

But if the candidate is already an artista, pose with an incumbent politician and have him raise your hand. He must be wearing a shirt with the candidate’s face on it.