Facundo, may interview ako sa Supreme! Bilhin ang buong Philippine Star!: The exclusive (fictional) interview with Doña Angelica Santibanez (Feat. Facundo)

MANILA, Philippines - Facundo, ilatag ang red carpet! Magsi-CR ako!”

And in that instant, Supreme knew that the face that launched a thousand Pinoy memes had arrived. Doña Angelica Santibanez, billionaire stepmother of Marimar, sits down with Supreme for a one-on-one exclusive interview and talks about her matapobre image, how the kontrabida memes have changed her life (or not), and why she chose Facundo as her head alipin and not Jonathan or Marco.

SUPREME: So, how are your hampaslupang alipins?

DONA ANGELICA SANTIBANEZ: Ayun, nagpapabula ng dagat. Magba-bubble bath ako sa Boracay.

And how’s Marimar?

I don’t talk about my former alipins. Baka sumikat sila.

Are you really matapobre in real life, or is this just for show?

I’m actually very sweet sa personal. Napa-red lang talaga ang lipstick ko sa picture.

Marimar has long ended its run in 1994. Why do you think are you making a comeback now?

Are you questioning my relevance, hija? Facundo, tawagan si John Roberts Powers! Bigyan nga ito ng manners!

How has your meme changed your life?

Well, more and more alipins are applying to be my alipins. It’s true: if you’re going to be an alipin, better be Doña Angelica Santibanez’s alipin. Because Angelica Santibanez is Angelica Santibanez. So, changed my life? Excuse me, it changed your life. It changed Facundo’s life. It changed my alipins’ lives. It changed your online lives! You have to thank me.

Do you think you’ve—

I said, you have to thank me.

Ay, sorry po. Thank you.

With feelings naman. Say, “Doña Angelica Santibanez, thank you for changing my life.” Pati ikaw, Facundo.

(With Facundo) “Doña Angelica Santibanez, thank you for changing my life.”

K.

Do you think you’ve been portrayed negatively in your memes?

Yes. Right kasi ang angle ko dapat e.

How do you feel about your meme being so popular these days?

K lang. Sanay akong sumikat.

Why did you choose Facundo as your head alipin?

Well, if I chose a Jonathan or a Marco, hindi nakaka-alipin.“Jonathan, giniginaw ako. Magsunog ng alipin!” Walang oomph. Ang Facundo, lakas maka-alipin.

When you ordered Facundo to make sunog some alipins because “giniginaw ako,” did you really burn your slaves?

Yes. Alangan namang palamigin ko sila e giniginaw nga ako.

Sabagay. Oo nga naman.

Facundo, eto ang one million. Bilhan nga ito ng talino.

Facundo, you have been Doña Angelica Santibanez’s alipin for so long. If you can make utos something to Doña Angelica Santibanez, what would it be?

(Facundo hesitates to answer.)

C’mon, it’s just playtime.

Okay po. (looks at Angelica) Angelica, kunin mo ang kontrata ko at paki-punit sa harap ko! I resign!

(Supreme and Doña Angelica Santibanez are stunned.)

Ingrata! Supreme, magbihis ka ng pang-alipin! Palitan mo si Facundo! At pakikuha na rin ang kontrata at punitin sa harap niya. Tinatamad me.