The man's Forever 21 survival guide

MANILA, Philippines - With Forever 21 opening its first store in the Philippines at SM Megamall last week, Supreme sent yours truly to check out what the hype is all about. After enduring long lines and hordes and hordes of clothes-hungry females, I’ve come up with “The Supreme Survival Guide for Guys Forced to Go to Forever 21 By Their Girlfriends, Wives or Mothers.”

Preparation

Before leaving the house, make sure to accomplish this checklist.

• Wear comfy shoes. With 25,000 square meters of shopping space and thousands upon thousands of clothes on display, expect to walk around a lot and do a lot of standing around while the woman in your life tries on basically everything in the store.

• Lots of cash/credit. Although Forever 21 prices are affordable (no item goes beyond P2,200), never underestimate women and their lust for shopping. Some women I encountered at the counter were ringing up tens of thousands worth of clothes. Insane, right? Just imagine how many buckets of beer that could’ve bought!

• Your manhood. The atmosphere is so competitive that Forever 21 hired bouncers instead of your usual manong guard for security. If ever your wife/girlfriend/mother gets into a fight over those last pair of shoes, get ready to defend your lady.

• Patience. Because seriously, you’re going to be in there for a long, long, long time. I’ve seen boyfriends rot just standing around the place.

In Action

Inevitably, men and women are programmed differently when it comes to shopping. For men, a day of shopping goes like this: Go to store, find item, buy item, leave shop. A woman’s day of shopping, on the other hand, goes like this: Go to store, look at every item in the store, try every item in the store, go to other stores and compare items with items of previous store, choose clothes, convince themselves they don’t look fat in chosen clothes, ask for discount, buy item, leave shop, repeat process. So in order for you to avoid death from boredom, here are some tips to keep yourself entertained while waiting:

• Women watching/women catching. Fact: 99.9% of all patrons who come into Forever 21 are women. Hot women. I’m talking about models, celebrities, fashionistas, etc. In fact, this may even be the best new place to meet women. For taken men, worry not, Forever 21 is so huge that you can just sneak off and your girlfriend or wife won’t even notice that you’re gone. And I doubt that she’ll really notice you the moment you enter the store anyway.

• Watch an episode of your favorite show on your iTouch. Despite having 25 dressing rooms, the lines are so long that it takes you around 15-20 minutes of waiting time to get in a room. The lines at the cashier aren’t any shorter either. It also takes around 10-15 minutes to be able to reach the cashier’s desk. So in 25-40 minutes total waiting time, you can already catch an episode of your favorite TV show.

• Shop. The Forever 21 store is divided into sections carrying different sub brands like Twelve by Twelve, 21Men, Love 21, and Heritage. The section for guys, 21Men, has quality items but is very limited in choices. Since the men’s section has few choices, I refrained from buying since there’s a big chance I’ll bump into another guy wearing the same shirt as mine.

• Hang out by the railings outside. The traditional pastime of the bored man at the mall — hanging out by the railings and looking down at the shoppers at the lower floors — has been the comfort zone of all men since time immemorial. There are no couches to sit on in Forever 21, therefore, men turn to the railings for much needed support and peace from all the mayhem.

• Meet new friends. Look at the guy beside you. Say “Hi.” I bet he’s bored, too.

If all else fails and you’re just dying to get out of there, one must perform the ultimate excuse to ditch shopping.

Step 1: Put on a stressed face.

Step 2: Go to girlfriend, wife or mom.

Step 3: Say: “Nata-tae na ako.”

Step 4: Keep acting until you get home, or at least out of the mall.