Gary V’s mom was the perfect endorser for unconditional love
MANILA, Philippines — My mother-in-law was always a joy to be with and the stunner of every gathering. She was like a sunny day, and would brighten everyone’s hearts and make us laugh with her witty humor when she walked into a room. Everyone knew she was a “queen” the minute she entered the door, and her outfits and her bags matched her shoes and so did the fashion jewelry that filled up her drawers. But more than all that, she was the perfect endorser for the term “unconditional, selfless love.” To us her children and children-in-law, she was simply Mom, the one we could all count on, every step of the way. She memorized phone numbers, birthdays and addresses. She was the glue that mended strained relationships and she had gifts for everyone including my yayas for birthdays and Christmas.
She also “gently” meddled in all our lives in her own funny and endearing way (laced with a wee bit of her famous brand of sarcasm). All seven Valencianos, born out of her first marriage, and the four Ortizes she mothered for almost 40 years, plus the 11 partners produced 31 grandchildren (with 12 spouses) and 17 great grandchildren. Imagine that. A clan of 82.
You could never get completely upset with her “motherly intervention” because she just wouldn’t allow it. She would charm and delight you with emojis and Gary V Viber stickers or with her famous pot roast or bacalao (cod) dish so you couldn’t really stay annoyed with her. And last year, she even introduced many of us to her Words With Friends online Scrabble game which connected her with her children, grandchildren, our staff, and her children’s friends daily! So on the chatroom of the game I would post: “Mom, where did you get the word ‘objet’? Didn’t know there was such a word!” Her answer: “‘Object’ is a verb, ‘objet’ is a noun.” I complained as it gave her 60 points.
Everything Mom did was motivated by love. So her recent sudden passing on April 17 in the US was perhaps the most devastating shocker the clan members found themselves facing… because the net that kept the entire family together was suddenly gone. Watching all 11 siblings, some spouses and many grandchildren by her side as she was passing away completely broke my heart. But the legacy of Mamita will continue through the family she raised, disciplined and nurtured for over 60 years.
Born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico 84 years ago, Mom had a very sad childhood as her mother died at a very young age, as did two of her younger sisters. She was brought to New York by her father, Agustin Santiago, where she met my father-in–law Vicente Valenciano while he was studying there. They married and Robby the eldest was born there. She flew to the Philippines for a vacation, and never went back to the US to live, until her divorce in 1978 and second marriage to Vicente Ortiz (Tito Chiquiting to many of us). She had a wonderful career as a Spanish actress in the Teatro Hispanico theater group in the Philippines in the 1960s and ’70s. She even did some advertising campaigns! Fast forward to the year 1983. I met Gary when he was 18. I had never met her as she relocated to Florida and all I heard were wonderful things about her although I know I wasn’t exactly her favorite since I broke the rules with Gary and got pregnant at the peak of his career in 1984. He had just sold out the Araneta Coliseum after breaking the news to the public that he was having a child with me. You cannot imagine my fears and trauma, but Daddy VCV (Vicente Calacas Valenciano) and Mom were the kindest parents to me. They never once treated me badly and, eventually, Mamita became my best friend and, through 35 years, mentored me as a wife and mother.
At ASAP when Gab and Kiana performed in Gary’s birthday last year. In photo are Angeli, Gary V., Samantha (Paolo Valenciano’s wife) Gab, Kiana, Leila and Mamita
At her age, she was constantly on her iPad on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter commenting on or grabbing photos and complaining online when she didn’t like your post or if she missed you! Weekly she would FaceTime everyone and you had to accept otherwise you’d be on her hit list. She would DM (Direct Message) Kiana about her outfits (“I think it needs more cloth” or something to that effect) or ask me if Gary was on ASAP or Showtime and scold me on Viber when I forgot that he was absent that day. “Gel… Gary WAS NOT on ASAP today,” using all caps when she was irritated. Or she would ask me to intervene for her grandchildren, “Gel… Gab is not answering my texts. Please tell him to call me.” The number one TFC fan, she watched six soap operas daily and her favorite was FPJ’s Ang Probinsiyano because her son was singing the theme song. She was so strong willed that she told her daughters in December of 2017, “I’m spending Christmas in Manila” five days before the departure, because she wanted to meet Paolo’s cute daughter, Leia.
Last year, again, she dropped another surprise when she said, “I’m flying to be with Gary. He needs me,” after the multiple surgeries of my husband. She spent her last birthday in her beloved Philippines in a wonderfully Kai-catered lunch which brought her so much happiness. When she passed on, her children unearthed all this Gary V merchandise from different closets and we sold some in the recent US Tour and earned US$1,000 just from her stash! Once she texted me and said, “Gel, I sold Gary’s vinyl record on E-Bay for $15!” Hahaha. She was certainly a high-tech grandmother, fully utilizing the internet to ease her loneliness and sadness, especially after losing our stepdad. We were the typical modern family but were able to weave the initial trauma of divorce and separation beautifully into our life, all because of Mamita’s simple equation of love, faith, thoughtfulness, connectivity and forgiveness.
Mamita never believed in the term “in-law.” For her, once you married her son or daughter, you would naturally become one of hers as well. She made everyone feel that they were her favorites although, hands down, everyone knew that the T-O-Y boy, Gary, was the apple of her eye. He nearly died as a baby having spent one extra month in her womb and he was the son after four daughters so he was the special one. And every time she came from an engagement, he would ask if she had a “T-O-Y” for him once he realized the meaning of the spelled-out letters. And for every trip we made to Florida, Mamita would always cook for Gary special dishes she never cooked for anyone else. She would hug him and say, “My baby boy.”
We will miss her. But we know she is in a better place now, free from all the tubes, pain and discomfort. God must love me so much that he gifted me with the best and most beautiful mother-in-law anyone could ever have and through the many lessons I learned from her, I pray that I will continue to embrace these nuggets of wisdom throughout my life. I appreciated every piece of advice she gave, whether I agreed with them or not because I knew they came from a heart full of nothing but love and concern for all of us whom she called family. Lastly, I thank God for her life for it was rich and full and a tapestry so Masterfully crafted, there was not one soul that she met that was not touched by her amazing spirit. I love you, Mom. You were the best! Happy Mother’s Day.
