From Bicol to Britain

MANILA, Philippines - How did it all begin?

The honest answer is I don’t know.

The truth is, no one actually knows how a dream starts. When you close your eyes, you give in to the void. And before you know it, you are clinging on to the very fabric of your deepest desires and longings. Oftentimes, I would dream that I was flying over a terrain, over a slope, a field of gray rocks or frozen lakes.

One morning, when I woke up, my eyes stung a little from the faint light coming from the window. This particular Tuesday felt a little different. My dream last night slipped away like a volatile liquid. So fast that it was hard to find any traces of it.

  A new door was opened to me when I won the Grand Prize for the 2010 Swatch and The Philippine STAR Art Competition. I made nine tiger head sculptures each encapsulating a bulb, which were all gathered in a loop of wire that somehow represented a cycle. And when I finally got the giant check during the awarding ceremony, I said to myself that all the wire twisting that I did was well worth it. The prize that I received gave me the opportunity to find a better place in Manila. Although at that time I was already settled in a simple, cozy space, I still wanted to move to a place with a high ceiling and balcony. The first thing I did when I moved in my new place was watch the sunset in my own little balcony. The experience was memorable and priceless.

I used to just see ads of Swatch in broadsheets and magazines. At an early age, I was already fascinated with the art behind clothing and fashion. I stayed for long hours in a small bookstore in Albay, Bicol. I spent my free time scanning pages of international and local magazines and then would sneak out, reach for my notebook and pen and try to recall what I’d seen in the glossy pages. After taking notes and doing some quick sketches, I would go back in and choose another magazine.

Another year passed before I got the chance to work with Swatch again. And when I came back to meet them for the second time, there was a huge challenge that was given to me. I didn’t mind because I love to work. And at that moment, I was getting bored, and I felt that I needed something different to keep me going. I needed a project for me to totally immerse myself in. It was back-to-school time and Swatch made it “Back to Skull.” Little did I know that, one day soon, these skulls which I thoroughly enjoyed working on would be part of my portfolio which would turn my life around!

I never thought that, moving to Manila with only P700 in my pocket and clothes packed in a cigarette box, I would end up working with a giant brand like Swatch and other people in an industry that I long dreamed of being part of. When I met Tita Virgie Ramos, the brains behind Swatch Philippines, I only owned one single watch my entire life, a gift from an aunt. Tita Virgie gave me my second watch… then my third watch, fourth, fifth, sixth… She also gave me my first big fashion book, by Alexander McQueen! But she gave me more than that. She’s probably unaware of this, but I believe that she inspires a lot of people around her. Her energy is so contagious it amazes me until now. No wonder the people who get to work with her can’t help but excel. And in her precious letter to me before I headed to London for my first exhibit for the London Fashion Week, she highlighted a single word that continuously guides me even now: “FOCUS.”

It was a simple word, but for me it was a challenge that would test my character. I needed to un-clutter my mind and learn how to think straight. For a person like me who jumps from one idea to another in a span of two to three hours, it was hard. I would be all fired up to do something and then suddenly I would feel depressed for no apparent reason. Few people would understand but I am in continuous tug of war with my emotions. But I can see a transition. It is slow, yet I can see that I am moving towards a new learning process.

In a few days I am bound to leave again. I’m going back to London to continue my work as an apprentice in the House of Alexander McQueen. It is quite a huge feat, and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I am the right person for this opportunity. But I am thankful and, like a warrior, I know that I need to protect this privilege. Looking back I remember the time when I would dream under the night sky in our province. How I would be gone for hours, and then wake up to find out that I had fallen asleep on our roof.

Amor fati. It means “love of fate.” I believe that each of us is bound to be whatever we want to be if we fall in love with our destinies. But we have to let go. There has to be a point where you surrender to the hands of fate. At a time when everyone’s busy, many looking at the neon lights of the city, I was there looking at the stars. At a time when people were busy trying to stay awake in the rush of the city, I took my time, gave myself the chance to break my own realities.

I will be very scared and shake in my boots when the future arrives. But then again, I know that there is nothing else to do but to dream. Dream when everything else seems to be a painful reality.