The Suplado Experience (TSE)

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Richard Mamuyac, 35, is the communications specialist of the People Management Association of the Philippines (PMAP) and also does freelance writing. He graduated from the University of the East with a degree of AB Communication Arts. He blogs at Astig Machismis and Mapanghingi ka ba?

Suplado!

This statement was posted on my Facebook wall by a classmate from college whom I last saw in person a decade ago.  I did not delete his post but instead placed a comment asking him why. 

After several minutes, I got a response saying that I snubbed him big time when he greeted me near the entrance of a mall the night before.  I apologized and explained my side. I was in a rush to get home since the next day I had a flight to Cebu for a company event. And for crying out loud! How would I recognize him in a dress? I thought he or she was one of those “marketing specialists” peddling credit cards.

Besides, my last memory of him was us in a tight hug of goodbye during the last day of our chemistry class, which made me realize why his hand was squeezing my buttocks then.  The pervert!

Actually, it’s not the first time I was mistaken for snubbing someone. Some of my neighbors, especially those who just moved to our place recently, might have such an impression of me.  I can’t remember how many videoke and drinking sessions I have declined just because I am not into these pastimes. But the more “real” reason behind this suplado attitude is that my wife won’t let me sleep beside her when she smells the scent of liquor coming from my mouth.  Under de saya? No, naman.  I want to believe that I am just understanding.

I am suplado. Something I hate to admit but my actions prove that I am one.  It’s just that I am not the type who will start a conversation.  I will respond  if you ask me a question and if I find that there is sense in conversing with you, I can be your best friend.

I can also be suplado even to those people I am interested to talk to because I am not good at initiating talk with a stranger.  I still recall an embarrassing moment when I tried to impress someone I just met during community work.  I found out that this pretty volunteer was interested in organizing a basketball competition for members of a youth organization and was soliciting funds to buy sports equipment. 

I have a couple of basketballs in our house and so I excitedly approached her and offered my help, “I have balls but I left them at home!”

Suddenly, I heard a group of other volunteers laughing, which made me realize that I had said something not quite right. How I wish I just stayed in suplado mode and avoided humiliation. How I wish there was something or someone to guide me then on how to be firm suplado, proud of it and succeed.

Well, I think the suplado fairy heard me and led my feet to one corner of National Book Store in Shangri-La Plaza.   I found out about a man who claims he is funny and suplado and his books are called Suplado Tips Book 1 and 2 by Stanley Chi. 

It was not my first encounter with Stanley since he started showing the world his brand of comedy via the comic strip “Chopsticks.” I saw him perform live as a stand-up comic in one of his gigs and as a TV host for the comedy show Front Act (No, I am not his stalker. It just happened that the fellow is everywhere now and I would like to believe I am lucky to have those close encounters with him). Libraries were never the same again when he became a certified book author.

Honestly, it was my idol Ramon Bautista, a TV and radio demigod, who convinced me to get a copy of the book via his moving testimonial, “Simula ng tinuruan ako ni Stanley Chi na maging suplado, nawala ang ubo ko!” (Perfect for someone like me who has asthma).

But seriously, the Suplado Tips books are the best things that have happened since free toilet tissue. This is for those serious-type people who want to laugh till they drop even when nobody’s watching. This is also for others who forever have been bullied by insensitive individuals and want to get even with smack-in-your-face suplado statements. 

Anyone can relate to the many tips of Stanley Chi since there is a suplado side in each of every one of us.  For the non-suplados (Tse! mga echoserang ayaw pang umamin), you’ll learn great pieces of advice like “Kung may nagsusungit sayo at sinabing mainit ulo niya dahil gutom siya, hiritan mo ng...’Hoy gutom din ako baka patulan kita’” (But this is not advisable to be used by understanding husbands like me to their wives, okay? Don’t tell me I did not warn you.)

The first book includes the 10 Suplado Commandments to remind grumpy people how to behave with people accordingly, the Suplado Meter to measure the level of angst in you and comic strips in case you lose interest in reading text entries. And if you still want more, the second book offers plenty more funny yet useful banter for moments you like to make a statement. I wish I would be given a chance to share my suplado story in the third book like the contributors whom Stanley invited in Book 2. It just proves that being a snob can get plenty of attention after all.

So, are you ready to be suplado, supladoer and the supladoest?