Living the 'I and Thou' faith

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Pia M. Pascua, age 40, took a degree in science and arts, majoring in psychology and guidance counseling. He works for a social work foundation that works towards value formation.

My virtual book bag is now filled with fiction and non-fiction books along with other readings that I confront myself with, taking the challenge posed by such mysterious books as Soren Kierkegaard – An Authentic Life: The Life and Writings of an Extraordinary Christian Philosopher by Ben Alex. Reading it is like watching a National Geographic episode of diving into the abyss and finding the Pinctada Maxima, though it rarely made my senses open up, aside from the seductions of sinister and twisted writings that give clues to a deeply wounded spirit.

The book came at the right time in my life. My initial reaction was that it was not only a worthwhile read, but deserved a sense of gratitude for this blessing. It was able to transcend time and let me experience a rebirth of my fundamental belief. But I do not wish to stop here, even as others may have stopped.

Faith. I search for statements of illusions, search for paradoxes, explanations and it was all happening before Christmas, and I recall that Kierkegaard was called the “Modern John the Baptist”: a prophet who would lead us to the coming of a Savior, which I found nothing less than compelling with its proposition of Great Love and Compassion, again a prelude to the month of hearts.

At the age of 40, I experience my own labyrinth, as some may it nowadays. I chose the raven, instead, as a symbol for the reason that the word “truth” has exhausted all our ideas of it, but seldom expressed with the conviction that I myself seek with “heaviness” while asking for more wisdom. As a raven that chose to fly in different battlefields, I am inadequate as a warrior and so it led me to Holy Places and sanctuaries. I had this experience one time with a priest who danced to the tune of I Want To Be a Freaking Billionaire in demonstration of his gladness of being alive that day. Odd, but I understood what was being implied; and I knew instantly I was in for one of the most mysterious rides of my life.

The non-obvious questions in Kierkegaard boil to one obvious one. It stared right through me, asking Who I Believe, and I suddenly wanted to be a child with simple questions and innocence again because of my faint heart; I wanted to run again.

Love versus Conviction. Fantasy and Indulgence versus Immediacy of Faith. On Being Intoxicated versus Sober, Divine Love. And in knowing yourself before you can talk about the “Thous” of life and vice versa in experiencing other’s minds — this leads you to the depths of human nature. Prose, legends — these were not helping me as a person; instead, there was a need to transform on a personal level.

In the back of my conscious mind there was something emerging… and I stalled, trying to get back to the realities of life, to get back to my friends and loved ones.

I researched in libraries for meanings and etymologies of “New Age,” and got affected by national debates while constantly being reminded of personal issues, and I was not able to decide. All are “second looks” into a void and, in Kierkegaard’s words, “We sometimes end up catching the shadows instead of the form. Of seeing the void instead of the shoreline.” It made me more aware of my senses, my life, my imperfections and the Absolute Truth best left to Eternity.

As to various influences, I came to terms and concluded that they die by my own sword if it does not help another soul. But after reading this book, I vowed to look well at other’s ideas and to discern deeply, not look for perfection.

In the words of a travel writer, “Sometimes all we have is illusion.” I myself get entangled by its beauty and pleasure and wish to be a part of it. To be able to rescue a thing of beauty by immersing myself in an adventure.

Still, I clamor for the fundamental good on the side of the unseen cries of suffering and pray I might see the truth and the source of poison so I might in turn heal with service and words. And if I cannot do both, to do my best to play it fair and do what must be done on my part with urgency. 

This will have to start with my own backyard of consciousness in seeing the good and blighted influences, the treasures of diving into a Divine Embrace and not being oblivious to Life Itself in the swirl of the “I and Thou” world.