A single’s mission

This Week’s Winner
Kristina Andrea dela Merced Papera, 29, worked for Shakey’s Pizza as brand manager for PR and Corporate Communications and was the managing editor of the company newsletter. “I discovered late in my life that I was actually a passionate writer.” She joins fun runs and does volunteer work for Hands-on-Manila spending time with and teaching boys in Panagarap Shelter. And she loves coffee.

Once, I attended a leadership seminar that required the participants to make what was suitably called a “vision board.” The highly enthusiastic facilitator explained that the objective of the exercise was to have a picture or illustration of one’s long-term goals and dreams. We were to cut photos, caricatures, or what-have-you from newspapers and magazines of things that would represent what we wanted to achieve in life given a number of years and paste it on an illustration board.

I told myself, “Ah, yes, this is going to be easy. I have always known what I wanted. Just the simple things.” So I whistled a happy tune while I worked and these were the things I came up with: 1) To be a marketing manager in five years’ time; 2) Travel abroad before I turn 30; 3) Be married to my dream guy before 30; 4) Have my own coffee shop before 40.

See? Simple things. After a few months, I looked at my colorful vision board again and realized I was running out of time, especially on the dream guy part. So I made a life-altering decision. I resigned from the company I loved for more than three years as brand manager, gathered all my savings (if you could call it that) and went to Vietnam, which was the closest country where I could officially call myself a foreigner. I thought I was hitting three birds with one very small pebble because Vietnam was a coffee country, perfect for my pilgrim in pursuit of a caffeine addict’s business. I might even bump into an almond-eyed cutie starting his first lessons in English. And so, my expedition began.

When you are a 29-year-old female with a good educational background, a career that’s treading a smooth path, average-looking, fit, eloquent, with a healthy social life, and you happen to be single, at some point you start to panic. And I did.  

Before I left for Ho Chi Minh City, thinking I might bore myself during the three-hour flight, I bought a book on sale. The minute I saw it among the pile of junked publications, I felt and heard that it was screaming my name. Single Servings by Lee Warren. The subtitle was 90 Devotions To Feed Your Soul.  I knew it was love at first page.

* * *

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. — Genesis 2:18

This was the opening line of the first chapter. I am not used to reading Bible verses scribbled on almost 50 percent of a book. Frankly, I am not used to Bible verses at all. My relationship with literature was defined mostly by Ann Rice with her very gothic and graphic vampire mating methods, or Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s distorted, oftentimes disturbing illustrations of love and the feverish effect on its victims. There were some occasions when Nicholas Sparks did give me hope for a seemingly ill-fated relationship to still lead to the altar, even if the spouse would eventually die soon. Well, at least the love was consummated.

So instantly, as I went through, I experienced that odd feeling of being whispered softly to by a book. It was as if I was actually the one being described in detail. Several sections indeed touched me as if my life’s burdens were lightly lifted simply by the words that I came across. One chapter was entitled “ When It Is Not Our Time” and the verse that followed captured the essence of the whole prose.

* * *

“Yet no one seized him, because his time had not yet come.” —  John 8:20

Lately I thought I might have artistically crafted and mastered the art of bad timing, most particularly in the love department. Almost two years ago I met a handsome young fellow through the insistence of my elder sister and her husband. He was the kind of boy you would want to bring home to your parents. Considering most of the guys I went out with I could now easily describe as big childish mistakes, he was a rare diamond in the rough. Simply put, I fell in love with him instantly.

We dated for several months and after sometime I began to wonder if he had feelings for me because if he had, he was not vocal about it. He did so many special things for me that I could easily regard as gestures of romantic affection. As impulsive as I was then, I was not able to contain my emotions hidden any further. After a wonderful dinner date, I thought it was the perfect time to tell him, so I spilled the beans. I was careful enough to tell him as honestly as I could how special he was, and that he made it easy for me to feel such delicate emotions.

I have to admit that God was right. If it is still not the time for something to happen, it will not. After that night, I wished I had not met him because it hurt me so much that we were not in the same level of emotions for whatever it was that we shared. And more than anything, maybe it was my pride that got hurt the most.  We remained friends and still spent time for coffee but mid last year he had to leave and pursue an assignment 12 hours away from Manila. He needed to stay in the province for one year. I was heartbroken.

 I learned that God prepares you for great things you will face in the future. Maybe God did not allow our friendship to get any deeper because He had bigger plans for him to pursue. If he had to leave and we were already in a romantic relationship, it would have been more difficult.  It just was not the right for us to be together.

He came back early this year and we started to see more of each other. But again, it did not last long because this time it was my decision to pursue my dream somewhere else.  The night before my flight to Vietnam, he told me that he had this strong feeling I would come back much sooner than I had originally planned, which was basically for good. What he told me kept me awake for several nights while I was in Ho Chi Minh.

* * *

“All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.” — Song of Songs 3:1

According to the book Single Servings this verse is about a woman who was longing for her beloved and she could not sleep because she could not stop thinking about him. There were even some scholars who said she was actually dreaming, and in the dream she was compelled to find her future husband. I was awestruck when I read this. During my first few nights abroad, I had this very hazy dream about us talking very merrily to each other. He was trying to tell me something that was so vague but somehow I felt that I knew what he meant. But when it was my time to reply to him and tell him that from the first moment I saw him I already loved him, he instantly vanished from my vision. I woke up crying.

After reading the passage, I prayed to God. I prayed for signs. I prayed that He would tell me if I needed to be home and finish something I left unresolved. After 10 days, I packed my bags and headed for Manila.

* * *

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord.”  — 1 Corinthians 7:32

There was no sign of my good friend when I came home. I had not seen him in days. But I knew, in my heart, he was not the sole reason that God had led me back. While I was having a very intimate talk with my parents over breakfast, it became clear to me. I had just made my best decision. I was the only remaining single child they had. My sister had just got married and continued with her medical practice, which consumed most of her time. My eldest brother has long been married with two amazingly beautiful little angels. If I had chosen a different path, if I had searched arduously for a lifetime partner early on, I would not have learned what my true mission was. I needed to care for my beloved parents. There could not have been a better time for me to stay home than right now. My dad has already given up being a consultant, a profession that has yielded him more problems than profit, and he deserves this downtime with my mom more than ever.

The Lord used the boy I loved to lead me. He orchestrated a very intricate master plan so that I would be able to appreciate the simple things that really mattered. Ninety percent of my life I have spent thinking of what the world and my parents could do for me. I believe it is not too late for me to do what I can for them.

There is no joy greater than the joy of giving back the love that was offered unconditionally to you.

* * *

“The Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.” — Psalm 121:8

I like being single, is what the concluding chapter title says. I have embraced my being single, learned to love it. There is plenty of time to be hitched in the next 50 years and get that happily-ever-after ending with the boy in my dreams, or maybe the one in my nightmares. Or maybe I was not even destined to get there. It does not matter now.

I have lifted up tomorrow to Him. I have still kept my vision board. It does no harm to pitch in a few plans of getting wealthy and professionally successful. What concerns me more now is my mission as a single Christian. As soon as I finished the book, I went out for a five-kilometer run with my 62-year-old dad.