It’s not about me
This Week’s Winner
Gloria Krisana L. Gallezo, 20, is a senior BA Political Science student at UP Diliman and a member of the Christian organization UP Students of Destiny. “Quoting from Max Lucado, I believe that ‘God does not exist to make a big deal out of us. We exist to make a big deal out of Him.’”
When I read these words coming from a former NBA player David Robinson, I remembered the days when I was in pursuit of my purpose in life. I found no meaning in life. I was rebellious to three authorities. First, I was insubordinate to my parents who always compared me to my elder sister. Their do’s and don’ts made me sick. Second, I was cynical of the government. In fact, if only I was diligent enough to rally, I would always be in the streets. Finally, I rebelled against God. I even told Him, “God, You’re not omniscient. For if You were, You should not have created me in the first place if after all You would only allow me to end up like this — without direction!” Meditating on Robinson’s words, I realized that my life only started to brighten up the moment I renewed my mind by acknowledging that life is not all about me.
During the summer break, instead of wasting my time on reading Tagalog pocket novels found everywhere, which speak of nothing but romantic love and the celebration of sex, I decided to look for books that would edify me. I came to read a book by Max Lucado, It’s Not About Me. I really loved it for it radically changed the way I thought.
Human beings are born with the drive set on selfishness. We are always urged to be number one, to find a place in prestige and make a name for ourselves. The term “superiority complex” certainly best describes what I had before. I always strived for the best and for first place. It’s not that striving for the best is bad, but my motivation (which was just to bring glory to myself) made it wrong. Being second best was hard for me to accept.
Just to prove my parents wrong, who once said that my sister was more intelligent than me, I competed against her in a contest when we were both in high school, stealing from her the fame that used to be hers. Since then, I would neither concede nor submit to her in any way. We would always end up fighting with each other.
To make matters worse, I used to neglect my parents’ advice. They strictly commanded me not to be involved with a boyfriend yet, but I did. Not only with one, but with five. Mom said, “You’re too young for alcohol,” but I would often spend overnights with friends for drinking sessions. I used to justify it by saying, “This is my body and I will do everything that pleases me!” It was all about me!
However, Lucado said that this “all about me” approach creates chaos. Can you imagine an orchestra with such an outlook? Each artist clamoring for self-expression — tubas blasting non-stop, percussionists pounding to get attention, cellists shoving the flutists out of the center stage, the trumpeter standing atop the conductor’s stool tooting his horn, sheet music disregarded and conductor ignored. What would you have but an endless tune-up session? What melody would you then expect? Harmony is so rare.
It was a slap in my face, realizing that people like me who exercise all-about-me thinking don’t actually have the right to ask for a better, peaceful life.
The turning point in my life came when I realized that I had no one and my friends had all deserted me. I still had my parents but because of not wanting to admit that they were right and I was wrong, I refused to approach them. I knew I disappointed them and I was aware that I broke their hearts. I locked myself inside my room, desperately talking to myself and to God. I blamed and questioned Him, asking why He ever thought of creating me.
When my eyes were swollen and my throat already dried up after hours of wailing, God impressed upon me a vision. I saw myself riding on a horse en route to a journey. Darkness was enveloping the surroundings, I couldn’t see anything. After a while, light slowly appeared as I saw the sun rising from afar, from the destination I was headed to. The road was rough and rocky and yet I arrived at the destination swiftly. It was then that I realized that the horse was turned into a stallion and I found myself naked yet unashamed. I stepped down and saw nothing but calm running water. I walked around and suddenly I felt that someone from above was pouring water on me. The feeling was refreshing. I looked up and saw two huge hands. Unfortunately, my senses came back to reality. With my eyes wide open, I was much puzzled. What did it all mean?
After a while I finally grasped what God wanted to tell me. It was mentioned many times in the Bible that calm water represents God’s presence. My nakedness spoke of His desire for my total surrender to His will, more of Him and less of me. In fact, it was His original plan for Adam and Eve to be naked before Him.
I have a destiny that God set out for me and I will easily reach it if only I allow God to carry me through. The pouring out of water symbolizes my baptism of His love as He cleanses me of all the impurities of my body, His temple.
My life made sense when I played the music my Maestro wanted me to play and realized that I exist to give Him glory. I now strive for the best, not for my honor but to reflect the One who created me. And my body? It’s God’s; I have to respect it. My life is all about Him.
