The Ex-Factor

Do I get jealous? Even now, four years into my marriage, people still ask me that –friends, relatives, and strangers alike. No, it’s not a question that offends me and, depending on how close I am to the person asking me, I always try to answer as truthfully as I can. Admittedly, at the start, I felt that a question like that was an intrusion on my privacy and besides, what did it matter to them how I felt? But you learn to take it all in stride and realize that no, it is not odd at all for someone to wonder about it, especially given the nature of my husband’s job. Add to that the fact that he has romanced some of Philippine cinema’s most beautiful women, on and off screen. I love the movies and being the romantic that I am, I always gravitate towards love stories. Caught in the ardor of a sweeping love story I, too, have wondered often in the past (way before Richard came to mean anything to me and long before I met him!) what the real-life partners of these actors felt when they saw their significant other locked in a passionate kiss and embrace onscreen.

Like I always say, with loving and marrying Richard came acceptance – taking him unconditionally for all that he is and in my case, most especially for what he does.

I grew up watching him in the movies, his love affairs were much publicized, and I know not of a time when he wasn’t the heartthrob that he was branded to be. I watched him through his tandem with Snooky and like a fan hoped that off-cam they really were an item. When that combination faded away and he moved on to romance Sharon for reel and real, I cheered them on like thousands of others and watched all their movies together, even those they made when they had already gone their separate ways. I fell in love with Hihintayin Kita Sa Langit and was thrilled when he and Dawn carried their romance off-screen for they really looked good together. It wasn’t really an extraordinary event to see him romance all these women – it was the norm as far as I was concerned. But then, it was an issue I was faced with when I became his wife.

Let me tell you something. When I married Richard, everything in the house was pretty much set so all I had to do was bring my suitcases and unpack. Because he was busy shooting a movie, I was home alone most of the time and for lack of anything better to do, I decided to organize the basement that still had boxes upon boxes of stuff waiting to be put away in their proper places. Lo and behold, guess what I found? Two suitcases of photographs, some arranged in those freebie albums they give away at the processing shop, others just loose or bundled together with a string. He also had around six thick, carefully arranged albums that, upon scrutiny, proved to showcase his more serious relationships. Going through each and every photograph made me realize that pictures really do tell a story, and how! Some photographs even had an added feature – personal romantic notes handwritten at the back!

At the start I was just enjoying each photograph as it came but later on my emotions progressed from laughter to surprise to exasperation. I won’t be a hypocrite and say that seeing him in lovey-dovey poses with all these beautiful and not-so-beautiful-but-very-sexy women did not bother me. I mean, I always knew that he was no saint – but that plenty? It wasn’t funny. I wasn’t any longer a moviegoer just watching a story unfold; I was a wife looking at my husband’s love life unfold in photographs. And at that point, it didn’t matter that these were women of his past. Of course, I contemplated throwing them away. But then again, why should I?

The next day, I went to Tickles in Shangri-La Mall and got myself around eight of the biggest storage boxes they had. I then set on to segregate the photos in three batches – Richard with family, Richard with friends, and Richard with women. I stored them in one of the cabinets in our basement and I haven’t looked at them again since. My friends ask me why I just didn’t dispose of them. Well, I’m not trying to sound like a hero here but really, what good will it do? I respect my husband enough not to tamper with his things and I trust him enough to let those boxes remain a thing of the past. Why throw away memories? I still have stuff from my ex-boyfriend in my old room but it doesn’t mean I still harbor romantic feelings for him. Besides, these women – the serious ones at least – were a part of his yesterday and I have always believed that people who figure significantly in our past mold us into the kind of persons that we are now. The same goes for Richard. The women who loved him and whom he loved have shaped him into the kind of husband that he is to me now. Why dislike them? Why let the past spill over to the present?

I was there when he shot his love scene with Joyce Jimenez in a beach in Boracay for their movie Linlang. We weren’t even married a year then and though it felt weird seeing him passionately kissing Joyce, I did not bug him about it. Maybe because Joyce was very professional about it and not once did it seem like she had a thing going for him. When I watch his movies, I stop being a wife. I have to rise above the situation and see things as they really are, for two hours, at least. I cannot be an onion-skinned wife to my actor-husband. We bump into his leading ladies on a regular basis at showbiz functions. Can you see in your mind’s eye what a stressful life I would be leading if I thought of them as antagonists? Does the situation get awkward when Richard and I find ourselves in the presence of one of his real-life exes? Truth is, even if in essence there is no reason for us to be ill at ease, chances are, we will be. Not by our own doing but because people around us will try to put meaning into even the most insignificant nuances.

Meanwhile, surprises never cease. One time early in our marriage, I met an actress (ooops, sorry, but I’m not going to name any names here) who out of nowhere just pulled me aside to say, "Naku Lucy, wala yong sa amin ni Goma ha? Wala that issue, tagal na yon and there really was nothing." Whew! That blew me over! And her picture wasn’t even in the box! The thing is, she didn’t have to say that because whatever happened between them did so way, way back. Of course, out of curiosity I pretended to know exactly what she was talking about but she just kept going and going. It felt surreal, so much so that I had to gently divert the topic.

Like any girl, I grill Richard about his colorful love life. Suffice it to say that he’s pretty tight-lipped about details and I respect him all the more for that. Men do kiss and tell but they choose what they tell and they choose all the more whom they tell it to.

Talking to a friend over dinner just this week, she asked me again, "Do you get jealous?" And with certainty I told her I don’t. I’m a reasonable person and I will get jealous IF there is something to be jealous about. I am in touch with my woman instincts and I will listen to that. Women still flirt with my husband all the time. Sometimes even in front of me. But for as long as he doesn’t bite the bait, it’s okay. I think it’s healthy for a couple to be free to admire others. Richard tells me whom he finds sexy in the same way that I tell him whom I find attractive. And we don’t take it against each other. Somebody who is sexy and beautiful will not fluster me. On the other hand, somebody who may not be as beautiful and sexy as the others but who wants my husband madly and truly deeply is one I would be wary about. After all, understanding as I may already well be, I am but human.

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Postscript: This week, I will not supply pictures to accompany my article. It’s up to my editor to use whatever photos she deems appropriate.