Help for bi-polars
I don’t know what it is about me that attracts laments but it happens fairly often. Maybe it’s because I am sensitive to other people’s depression because in my life I have had to deal with depression or even mania. You got it. I have had to deal with what we now call bi-polars or manic-depressives. This is a psychological ailment I write about. You know me. I break rules. In our society people tend to shhhhh everything — I talk. And I talk to help because if nobody talks, how do you arrive at enlightenment?
All normal people have mood swings. Bi-polars have much wider mood swings. To imagine this I want you to draw an upright cross, like a plus sign, like this + but bigger so you can see better. Imagine the vertical line to be a pendulum that swings to the left and to the right. Normal people swing to the left end of the horizontal line on some days when they wake up feeling low or depressed and to the right end of the horizontal line on the days when they feel extraordinarily happy.
If you are bi-polar this picture gets unbalanced. Your pendulum might make a much wider swing towards the left and stay there for years if you are depressed. Then when you recover it will swing past the normal curve to the right because you will be slightly to immensely manic. Or vice versa. You can start by being extremely manic and end up by being slightly to immensely depressed. All this depends on your own personal affliction.
Once a year I have a major depression. I don’t feel like getting out of bed, don’t feel like taking a bath, just feel like lying there, watching TV, sulking over nothing and sleeping. I give in to that but the next day I wake up and cannot stand myself. I need a bath. I need fresh clothes. I have to take a walk. I must do something. I am normal again. I think that’s the cycle of a normal person.
But depressives are different. They have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. They have trouble focusing and thinking. They feel ignored by the world and the people around them. They are terribly confused but clear about only one thing — they see suicide as the only solution to their problem and sometimes, if you do not know this and therefore do not watch them, they will successfully commit suicide.
Manics, people with mania, the opposite of depressives, are different. Where depressives think they cannot do anything, manics believe they can do everything. They can even jump off the tallest building and fly . . . to their death. Suicide is clearly present in that point-of-view though it is not defined. I was told by a psychiatrist that only people who are clinically depressed commit suicide successfully, meaning, if we knew about it the suicide could have been prevented and also meaning that the Catholic Church is wrong to not allow Catholic burials for suicides. But that’s another matter.
Another example that may help you get this clear is this. Let’s say your child has a credit card. A credit card is safe with a depressed child because he or she will not use it. Too depressed to go shopping. But if your child is manic he or she will overspend considerably, may go out and buy a car if the credit limit takes it then you will have to pay. So you see, you really have to observe your child’s behavior otherwise your family’s finances may be severely prejudiced.
How do you know your child is depressive or manic? Observe closely. If there is weird behavior, it’s a good idea to take him or her to a psychiatrist or psychologist for some testing. They can be helped but they have to recognize that they are bi-polar, recognize and gain mastery over the symptoms, and take the necessary medication when required.
Many Filipinos think this affliction is new. It is not but we are only trying to recognize it now. In the past we never talked about it so we didn’t know either where to get help. Get help from a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist. Call the hospital and ask them for a list of names and choose one. As simple as that. They are expensive (and I don’t mean just in money terms) but what will cost you more — getting the right treatment that will keep your mate or your child alive or burying that person because of suicide that could have been prevented if you had only known?
Once I had a daughter who was severely depressed. She taught me everything I know about depression today. It is an affliction that causes a mother much grief but not as much as the child believes she carries. I did everything in my power to help her. Since then she has married and moved to another country. She has discovered doing things for herself that make her feel restored. She now knows when a depression is coming and how to handle it when it’s there. She learned to do all that by herself. Her family’s role was in turning her in the right direction (to psychiatrists and psychotherapists) and being fully supportive of her.
I think this experience is what has given me the authority to write this column. Prayers may help, but they are not the answer. Psychiatrists and psychotherapists are the answer. Do this, please, for your own sake.
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