How to mend a broken heart

How do you heal a broken heart?

Ms. Broken-Hearted

There are different recipes for healing a broken heart. Different strokes for different folks, as the saying goes. John Gray, author of the famous book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, said that a person should allow him/her/self to grieve. If one must cry a river, do so. If you want to put on your theme song and cry until your eyes pop out, do so. It is part of the healing process to grieve and a man is not exempted from that. Some men, in fact, take longer than women to heal. A male friend said that when he broke up from his girlfriend of seven years, he was so hurt. But in order to forget, he went out with as many women that he could possibly date. It was his way of healing and forgetting. He found himself talking about his breakup to his dates but they understood. He needed to unburden his heavy heart and he was lucky that his dates listened and sympathized. Another friend told me that her way of forgetting was to travel and see good friends in different parts of the world. They knew her predicament and entertained her by taking her to beautiful resorts, good restaurants, discos, etc. She quickly got over him this way. Another friend went on a spiritual binge. She attended a lot of spiritual retreats, asked the Lord for help to make her forget this man that caused her so much pain. She couldn’t get herself to socialize as her mind was focused too much on her pain. She only wanted to pray and be in solitude. It worked out for her. The Lord, indeed, made her forget and gave her a boyfriend with whom she is so happy today. One friend immersed himself in work. It was therapeutic for him to work even harder than he ever did. It kept his mind off his breakup. It did his business a lot of good because his sales went up a thousandfold. Another friend took up boxing and expelled his ill feelings on that punching bag. It made him feel so good to do that. There is no fool-proof recipe to mend a broken heart, but one thing’s for sure, time heals all wounds. How much time? It depends on yourself. Some people allow themselves to wallow in their misery for a very long time. This is not advisable. One must allow oneself to grieve in the healing process but not too long. It is not good to be miserable for a long time. Give yourself a time limit and don’t exceed that day. When that time comes, get up from your hard fall and get ready to face the world. Life is beautiful and falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Don’t ever get to that point of getting so calloused and bitter. No person is worth that. Allow yourself to appreciate the wonders of life and the beauty of love all over. One of these recipes should work out for you. Good luck!

* * * When Your Bf Is Afraid Of Marriage

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, but there is not even a hint on his part that he would want to settle down with me one day. Sometimes, when we get invited to a married friend’s home for dinner, I tell him it would be nice to entertain as a couple in our own condo, but he always says we can do it in a restaurant. When he has one drink too many, he loosens up and admits that marriage scares him as it is such a serious commitment that he feels like he’s in a bird cage. One time, he even said that it is time for both of us to move on. But so far, he has not really made any formal statement of finality to this relationship. Definitely, he doesn’t make me feel like he’s committed to me. I am his date to all the functions he’s invited to and he spends long holidays (like Holy Week, and Christmas holidays) with me, but there is always that feeling that I am the "just for the moment" girl. I really shouldn’t allow myself to be in this position, but I have fallen in love with him. Lately, he has again mentioned about moving on, and that we should talk seriously about not getting too involved, etc... I let it pass, thinking he was in one of his moods again and probably just stressed out from office work. Should I take this as a tell-tale sign of breaking up?

Woman In Love

One must learn to read the writing on the wall because when reality sets in, it could be more painful. What comes out of your boyfriend’s lips when he is inebriated is his subconscious speaking out. When he says he wants to move on, he is conveying to you a discreet message – that one day, he would like to be without you. Three years of your life have passed and still he is non-committal. You are both single, I presume, so there are no impediments to marraige. Obviously, he is not convinced that you are the lady he’d one day want to settle down with. Do not prolong the issue. Ask him seriously what he means by "wanting to move on." If by now he has not considered you as his possible lifetime partner, don’t waste any more time with him. Today is called the "present" because it is actually a present from our Creator to make the most of every minute to do the right thing. Tomorrow is another day and another day and another day... Do not wake up 10 years from now an old maid, full of regrets that you let many opportunities pass with other serious admirers because of one man that kept you hanging and wishing ... The writing on the wall is very clear it seems.

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For your questions, write to Mayenne Carmona, Star Media, Jaka Bldg., Ayala Ave., Makati City.