I Never Want To Fall In Love
May 3, 2003 | 12:00am
I think I will never understand my parents. They do ridiculous and hurtful things for no reason. This makes me wonder how they were able to stay married to each other all these years. I have never seen them show any loving gesture toward each other – they always put each other down, scream at each other, insult each other in front of my brother and me.
I would prefer not to have a relationship with anyone because I might end up with someone like my father. And my brother is not interested in any woman for the long term as he is afraid she might turn out to be as sour as mom.
My married officemates tell me that their partners were so different before they got married. Can we really get to know another person well before we decide to marry them?- LOVELESS
Maybe not. Someone once wrote, "We live in our own souls as in an unmapped region, a few acres of which we have cleared for our own habitation. The other acres, remain unknown to our ownselves, unless we take time out to explore these regions thru self analysis and meditation… And those persons closest to us, we know only the boundaries of their character..."
How many times do we hear a friend say "How was I to know she would do this to me? I thought she loved me for me, not just my money!" or "She acted and looked so virtuous. How was I to know she was unfaithful to her husband?"
We are mysterious, contradictory creatures. Everybody wants to be happy but some people seem happiest being unhappy and making others miserable. Many parents have damaged their children’s confidence and ability to create a happy family of their own. Because of the research and studies that have been done on human behavior, there are good therapists whose guidance can turn people into loving human beings. I advise you to go to one so you can learn discover your own strengths, talents and special qualities. This way you’ll learn how to trust other people and eventually learn to fall in love and be happy with someone who deserves your love.
Now that school is over, the beach is where my friends and I love to hangout. I am so envious of my slim friends who look so good in their string bikinis. I have one child and I need to get firm abs. What exercises can I do to look great this summer? I heard about exercising with balls, which I can also bring to the beach and have fun with. Can you tell me about this? - ABSOLUTELY SEXY
You should find an exercise ball that is appropriate for your size. It should allow your hips and knees to relax at a 90-degree angle while your back is in a neutral position. The muscles of the core are targeted directly through the use of the exercise balls. The core muscles are located deep in your pelvis, abdomen, trunk and back. These muscles are the true workhouse of the body as they are essential to good posture, spinal alignment and support, and balance.
For your abs, doing crunches are a good start on the exercise ball. Lie back and rest your calves on the ball and do a stomach crunch. The difference between doing a ball crunch and a crunch on the floor is that the ball crunch forces you to maintain balance while you perform the exercise, targeting the abdominal and back muscles more directly. Also, a squat rolling the ball down the wall, with the ball between your back and the wall, targets your leg, back and stomach muscles. Other exercises include a push up with your hands on the floor and your legs extended on the ball. You can also do leg lifts with the ball squeezed between your ankles.
These exercises should keep you in good shape. But remember to do these exercises on a soft floor or on the beach, just in case you fall.
I have a beach house and a lot of my friends are asking to use the house to spend a week or a few days there with their kids. But I have had some bad experiences with houseguests who use my house when I am not around. I am embarrassed to tell them for fear of being misunderstood.
Last year I lent my house to a family with five teenage kids who brought friends along. After their stay, I made a thorough inspection of my place and I noticed several towels missing, some glasses broken, upholstery of my rattan sofas were stained. My two housemaids told me that the children were rowdy and would stay up late drinking and keeping them awake with their loud music. Furthermore, they even ransacked my pantry’s stock of groceries and my stock of good wine.
I expected an apology from my guests and also for them to replace the broken glasses and groceries, but all I received was a thank you note.
Because of these experiences, my husband and I agreed that we should not allow friends to use the house when we are not around. A well-meaning confidante even suggested to me to rent out my place when I am not around. I can get good rental for it. My husband says it is embarrassing to do this because we are fairly affluent but he agrees with me that it is one way of turning off friends who are not good houseguests. Are good manners so difficult to learn? Isn’t it just plain common sense to be considerate and thoughtful of other people’s generosity and hospitality? - FED UP Beach House Owner
Sometimes when I hear stories like yours I cannot quite believe how people of a certain class and stature can behave like you say. Here are some guidelines for people who use friends’ houses when the hosts are not around:
1) You must remember that you are borrowing a house of a friend who was generous enough to lend it to you. With this in mind, you should be careful not to break anything.
2) Bring your own toiletries, towels, sheets, so you don’t have to use any of the owner’s things.
3) Bring your own groceries, drinks, maids, especially if you are feeding a lot of people.
4) Spare the owner of the house of unnecessary expenses. Replace what you have broken.
5) Remember that you were not invited. You borrowed the house for your family. And you are not paying rent. So you have no right to take any food or drink from their stock.
6) Don’t just give a thank you note. Send a little present with it. A cake, flowers, a box of chocolates will do.
It is a good idea to put your house up for rent when you are not using it. And charge some security deposit so you can draw from it breakages and missing towels. Furthermore, lock your pantry and wine cellar so you don’t tempt them to use your stock. If leasing your place out is not on your agenda, then tell your friends who borrow your house that your husband and you have decided not to lend out your house to any friend.
Send questions to Mayenne Carmona at StarGate, Media, 6th floor Jaka Bldg. Ayala Ave, Makati City
I would prefer not to have a relationship with anyone because I might end up with someone like my father. And my brother is not interested in any woman for the long term as he is afraid she might turn out to be as sour as mom.
My married officemates tell me that their partners were so different before they got married. Can we really get to know another person well before we decide to marry them?- LOVELESS
Maybe not. Someone once wrote, "We live in our own souls as in an unmapped region, a few acres of which we have cleared for our own habitation. The other acres, remain unknown to our ownselves, unless we take time out to explore these regions thru self analysis and meditation… And those persons closest to us, we know only the boundaries of their character..."
How many times do we hear a friend say "How was I to know she would do this to me? I thought she loved me for me, not just my money!" or "She acted and looked so virtuous. How was I to know she was unfaithful to her husband?"
We are mysterious, contradictory creatures. Everybody wants to be happy but some people seem happiest being unhappy and making others miserable. Many parents have damaged their children’s confidence and ability to create a happy family of their own. Because of the research and studies that have been done on human behavior, there are good therapists whose guidance can turn people into loving human beings. I advise you to go to one so you can learn discover your own strengths, talents and special qualities. This way you’ll learn how to trust other people and eventually learn to fall in love and be happy with someone who deserves your love.
You should find an exercise ball that is appropriate for your size. It should allow your hips and knees to relax at a 90-degree angle while your back is in a neutral position. The muscles of the core are targeted directly through the use of the exercise balls. The core muscles are located deep in your pelvis, abdomen, trunk and back. These muscles are the true workhouse of the body as they are essential to good posture, spinal alignment and support, and balance.
For your abs, doing crunches are a good start on the exercise ball. Lie back and rest your calves on the ball and do a stomach crunch. The difference between doing a ball crunch and a crunch on the floor is that the ball crunch forces you to maintain balance while you perform the exercise, targeting the abdominal and back muscles more directly. Also, a squat rolling the ball down the wall, with the ball between your back and the wall, targets your leg, back and stomach muscles. Other exercises include a push up with your hands on the floor and your legs extended on the ball. You can also do leg lifts with the ball squeezed between your ankles.
These exercises should keep you in good shape. But remember to do these exercises on a soft floor or on the beach, just in case you fall.
Last year I lent my house to a family with five teenage kids who brought friends along. After their stay, I made a thorough inspection of my place and I noticed several towels missing, some glasses broken, upholstery of my rattan sofas were stained. My two housemaids told me that the children were rowdy and would stay up late drinking and keeping them awake with their loud music. Furthermore, they even ransacked my pantry’s stock of groceries and my stock of good wine.
I expected an apology from my guests and also for them to replace the broken glasses and groceries, but all I received was a thank you note.
Because of these experiences, my husband and I agreed that we should not allow friends to use the house when we are not around. A well-meaning confidante even suggested to me to rent out my place when I am not around. I can get good rental for it. My husband says it is embarrassing to do this because we are fairly affluent but he agrees with me that it is one way of turning off friends who are not good houseguests. Are good manners so difficult to learn? Isn’t it just plain common sense to be considerate and thoughtful of other people’s generosity and hospitality? - FED UP Beach House Owner
Sometimes when I hear stories like yours I cannot quite believe how people of a certain class and stature can behave like you say. Here are some guidelines for people who use friends’ houses when the hosts are not around:
1) You must remember that you are borrowing a house of a friend who was generous enough to lend it to you. With this in mind, you should be careful not to break anything.
2) Bring your own toiletries, towels, sheets, so you don’t have to use any of the owner’s things.
3) Bring your own groceries, drinks, maids, especially if you are feeding a lot of people.
4) Spare the owner of the house of unnecessary expenses. Replace what you have broken.
5) Remember that you were not invited. You borrowed the house for your family. And you are not paying rent. So you have no right to take any food or drink from their stock.
6) Don’t just give a thank you note. Send a little present with it. A cake, flowers, a box of chocolates will do.
It is a good idea to put your house up for rent when you are not using it. And charge some security deposit so you can draw from it breakages and missing towels. Furthermore, lock your pantry and wine cellar so you don’t tempt them to use your stock. If leasing your place out is not on your agenda, then tell your friends who borrow your house that your husband and you have decided not to lend out your house to any friend.
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