Top 10 worst trends of 2012

More ridiculous than lawmakers who voted against progressive women’s health (i.e. the RH Bill), more unfashionable than corporate head honchos who refuse to ameliorate their company’s waste management policies, this year’s worst trends combine the worst of hipster affectation (“Let’s wear this ironically!”) and human innovation (“Let’s top last year’s horrible accessory by adding studs!” said every manufacturer in China). It took hours of research (flipping through US Weekly and scrolling through blogs) and philosophical discourse (“Ugh, blech. Only trolls should wear this shit.”) to arrive at our final 10. It was a hard road — we had to retire some pieces from our wardrobes, lest we be accused of hypocrisy. But, like pioneers who overcome adversity and traverse menacing terrain to arrive at a strange new land, we know that this list can change lives or — at least — shopping lists.

Let this be a warning to all of us when dressing for the coming year: Nobody looks good in acid-wash denim.

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Want to add to our list of worst trends? Tweet us @itsonYStyle with your suggestions.

Arm party

Layering an unlimited number of bracelets on your arm doesn’t make you trendy, it shows the world you are unable to make a decision on the kind of accessories you would like to wear that day. So the message you’re sending is not “Look! I’m awesomely eclectic!” it’s “Look! I’m incapable of simple decisions.”

The pouty Internet face

Last year, the Blogger Pose ranked as one of our top worst trends of all time. This year, the disease is more ubiquitous, affecting people in your circle — like your impressionable cousins, your obnoxious co-worker with the clackety heels and really loud hair (you know, where the curls are so large they rival the width of the Goodyear Blimp), your old high school classmate on Facebook who lost some weight and now thinks everyone is required to admire her now-apparent cheekbones. It’s part pout, part fish face, part f*cking annoying. If you think it makes you look like Kim Kardashian, you might need to make an appointment with your nearest optometrist.

If there’s a camera, here’s what you need to do: stretch the edges of your lips, flash some teeth. Most would call it smiling. These days, I call it an Act of God.

Head-to-toe-leather in Manila

We love Alex Wang just as much as the next outfit blogger/Tumblr stylist, and we even like leather in appropriate climes, but going full Wang-inspired here says less about your fashion credibility than your gullibility. You, there, sweating balls in that leather-ish bondage-y dress — Fifty Shades called, they want their costumes back.   

Peplum

A divisive trend, because everyone from couture designers to Forever 21 churned out some form of peplum. Objectively, it’s an interesting trend from an older generation, the ‘40s, and an often pretty one at that. But to see a flounce added to everything, from T-shirts to swimsuits to blazers, became as annoying as appending #YOLO to any and all of your tweets.

Studded anything

When tweens have appropriated a trend that originated from punks (or vampires or, um, Balenciaga), it’s time to send it to the retirement home. The first time a studded anything appeared on the racks of Forever 21, it served as the death knell for the trend. There’s no cred in looking like a tween.

Ironic mustache

We get it. Movember is a thing. But the ironic mustache accessory began before Movember and we have an icky feeling in our tummies, similar to the feeling after we’ve eaten three-day-old sushi (despite our better judgment), that the stache-cessory will be here long after. And enough is enough. If you’d like a mustache, then work up the nerve to stop waxing your upper lip and wear that shit with pride.

Platform clogs

The clog, as the traditional footwear of Scandinavians, never really should have hit the fashion mainstream outside of its moment in the ‘70s as a platform found mostly hidden under massive bellbottoms. In the ‘90s, the clog resurged as part of the alt-wardrobe, with studs or visible stitching running around the mostly covered shoe, exposing only your calloused heel. Leave the clogs where they belong — in the garden, on Crocs users and on Swedes. They’re wooden and inflexible, and at heights like those found at Celine, just one slip and your ankle will weep.

Fair Isle

Last year’s Navajo theme has transitioned to a cooler clime, replaced by the Fair Isle. Here’s the thing. Like any pubescent crush, it starts out cute, becomes an object of obsession — worn everywhere, with everything, with cheap imitations lingering in every mall window — then soon the affection peters out and you’re left wondering “What was I thinking?” Yes, the Fair Isle pattern is cute. But, unless you’re heading to Aspen or the Alps, just don’t. Arctic air-conditioner temperatures at your nearby mall doesn’t count.

Bib necklace

The problem with “statement” accessories is often the statement is “I look like a douchebag.” So, let us answer some questions you might be wondering the next time you look in a mirror. Yes, that bib is objectively ugly. Yes, it makes you look like a fool. And, no, it does not make your boobs look bigger.

High-waisted acid-washed denim

Okay, here’s when two wrongs don’t make a right — another ‘80s throwback as spotted (and vilified) on Miley Cyrus and which seemed to be the uniform, at least in its cut-off form, of Coachella. The acid wash is the jeans equivalent of the hair scrunchy. There is nothing wrong with high-waisted jeans per se, but an authentic cut from the ‘80s (is there an inverted triangle patch on your back pocket?) will make you look like you just gave birth.