Santa’s nice and naughty list of 2013

During a recent press trip to the North Pole that for some reason only the two of us were invited to, we got to take a sneak peek at Santa’s notebook and saw his infamous Nice and Naughty list. We weren’t able to get a lot but here are some of the pages we “borrowed” from Saint Nick. Sorry Santa, does this mean we’re part of the Naughty list now?

(Editor’s Note: The following are excerpts from Santa’s Nice and Naughty List.)

Nice list

Atom Araullo

I’ve always liked you, Atom Araullo, even back when you were just an impressionable upstart on the dearly missed Breakfast on Studio 23. You seemed actually excited about telling the news the way it should be reported. While I forgot about you the last few months, your reporting during the height of Super Typhoon Yolanda made me remember your brilliance as a newsman. You reported the news as facts with no angles and no agendas. You reminded everyone of the great journalists of the past. You know, the ones who didn’t have puppets. Instead of being in a TV studio in Quezon City ranting and complaining about things in Tacloban, you decided to be a real reporter and be where the news is a.k.a. Tacloban. Your commitment to journalism and the fact that Anderson Cooper stole the spotlight from you, puts you at the top of my Nice list.

The Three Whistleblowers

I don’t know your names and probably never will, but your courage to tell the truth is worth more than all of Janet Napoles’ stolen cash put together. Before the three of you brave citizens decided to speak up, all the country really had to go with were dozens of accusations and Bong Revilla’s signature. The day of the Senate grandstanding — sorry, I meant to say Senate hearing — on the Napoles case, all three of you gave evidence that put us closer to the truth. Compared to Napoles’ sudden case of amnesia and a bad case of the worst eyebrows ever, your honest answers were a pleasant surprise. You might not have had famous last names or degrees from prestigious universities, but truthfully, the three of you were better than anyone else in that room. I am honored to put you on my Nice list and here’s to hoping I get you what you want this Christmas or at the very least better bulletproof vests.

Naughty list

The People Behind The Counselor

This was supposed to be the movie of the year. For the love of God, you got Ridley Scott directing, a cast that included Michael Fassbender, Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt, and even Hank from Breaking Bad, and all you could come up with was something I’d unintentionally catch on Cinemax? What was more surprising was the story came from Mr. No Country for Old Men himself, Cormac McCarthy. There was so much potential and talent in this film that I can’t help but think at least one of you guys read the story and said, “Um, there’s nothing here but awful dialogue and random deaths.” But apparently, no one cared enough to make this film more than a showcase of names and faces. When even a no-name, insignificant bartender has some poetic metaphor on death, you know The Counselor was nothing more than a movie that loved the sound of its own voice. For these reasons and the fact that you made Cameron Diaz have sex with a car, everyone who made The Counselor is on the Naughty list.

Social Media

There was no issue big or small that wasn’t sensationalized by social media. From the Napoles circus to Jennifer Lawrence’s haircut, so much of my time was wasted on what people were raving or ranting about online. Because of social media or what Brick Tamland would describe as “loud noises,” the real news would always fall on deaf ears. Did no one consider spending a little more time reading up on issues that weren’t on buzzfeed.com or more than 140 characters? And really, TLDR or “Too Long; Didn’t Read” has become a trend? Just shoot me already. In a way, the local social media has become the country’s version of Fox News. Except Fox News isn’t ashamed to admit they believe the crap they’re saying. For doing all of this and spoiling the finale of Breaking Bad for me, Social Media, you are on my Naughty list this year and every year.

Kanye West

I’d forgive almost everything you’ve done just for the greatness of “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” alone but man, did you have a bad year. 2013 saw you release a disappointing follow-up, diss my ‘90s hero Justin Timberlake, and commit all sorts of blasphemy on your “Yeezus” tour — actually, that last one was pretty cool. But the thing I can’t forgive you for and why you’re on my Naughty list is because you made Kim Kardashian relevant again. Why would you do such a terrible, terrible thing? You’re the College Dropout for god’s sake! You could’ve had anyone you wanted and you chose the first thing you saw on the E! Network? I don’t know if all of this is a stunt or not, but the last thing I want you to be, Mr. West, is to be Kris Humphries’ sloppy seconds. I am almost sure no one has ever told you this, but Kanye, you deserve better. Until then, consider yourself on my Naughty list.